it was by dеsign, 'cause baby, i'm a mastermind - morgana_moonlight - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1: And So it Begins

Chapter Text

“I’m finally going to do it, James!” Sirius proudly boasted.

Startled out of his super important mental calculations - determining if they bought enough booze for their New Year's Eve party - James made the stupid decision of looking over at his best friend. “Do wha- oww, f*cking damnit!”

They both winced at the cacophonous rattling of the glass bottles in the crate he was carrying. Thank Merlin they were smart enough cast an unbreakable charm on everything before they started the long trek back from Hogsmeade village (a lesson they'd learned the hard way last year - "Never assume things must be a certain way simply because it's logical," Remus had lectured them afterwards).

“You good?” his best mate asked, his voice laced with concern - James was sure if he looked over, Sirius would be stifling laughter into his shoulder.

“Me and uneven ground do not mix well, this is known… remind me again why we don’t just take our brooms through this tunnel?”

“We can try it next time if you want, Prongs.” James f*cking loved how Sirius was always down for anything, even though they both knew the ceiling was too low to make flying worthwhile. “But I’m going to confess my undying love to Remus at our New Year's party! It’s the perfect opportunity, I simply cannot pass it up.”

Pushing down his excitement, James forcefully reminded himself that he'd heard similar statements in the past… at least a dozen times. Sirius would either obsessively plan and plot for weeks on end, only to abandon his scheme on the day of, or worse, he'd chicken out halfway through his confession, leaving Remus bewildered and everyone else reeling from secondhand embarrassment. Fortunately, students and staff at Hogwarts were well acquainted with Sirius’s chaotic tendencies - combined with his charm, good looks, and a dash of false bravado, he generally came out unscathed.

“What’s the plan?” James asked, shifting the crate in his grip. They were also smart enough to cast a featherlight charm, but the wood still dug painfully into his skin. “Considering this is the first time we’ve ever had a New Year's Eve party, perhaps that really will be good luck.”

Every decade or so, someone on the school's Board of Governors decided it was a good idea to throw a Winter Formal over the holiday break. For James and Sirius, who were now in their sixth year, it had been the first dance since they'd started at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, they couldn't enjoy it, because it took place on the evening of December 25th… which happened to be a full moon. To maintain appearances and avoid rousing suspicion, they attended the dance for a few hours, while Remus, their favorite werewolf pal, was holed up in the Shrieking Shack for his transformation. Once they were confident that enough people saw them, they slipped out of the Great Hall, darted across the grounds, and kept their friend company in their Animagus forms (they usually ran around with Moony in the Forbidden Forest during full moons, but Remus had made them swear to stay in the shack for his entire transformation, deeming it too risky to venture out this month - who knew what kind of mischief their peers would get into?).

Their fourth roommate, Peter, opted to spend the break with his family. He wasn’t the only one to forgo attending the dance in order to return home, but a sizeable number of students had remained at Hogwarts this year. After the chaos of the Winter Formal (which was not caused by the Marauders - James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter - for once), The Powers That Be surely wouldn’t allow Hogwarts to host another dance next year, meaning this was their lone opportunity to ring in the New Year surrounded by their (drunk) peers.

Sirius’s bark-like laughter had the hairs on the back of James's neck standing up. “No plan this time, Jamie! Just going to claim one of these Firewhisky bottles for myself at the beginning of the night, then trust drunk-Sirius to do what he does best.”

“Get distraught over a minor inconvenience, set everything in the vicinity on fire, and then delve into gut-wrenching sobs because Remus is too beautiful to be burned to a crisp?” Instinctively, James dodged the kick aimed at his arse. “Oi, save your temper tantrums for a time when we aren’t carrying enough alcohol to fuel a full Quidditch season's worth of ragers, yeah?”

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” Sirius sniffed. “But isn’t it so romantic?! A love confession, then a kiss at midnight to celebrate starting a new year and our future together?”

“Yeah,” James sighed, I want to have someone to moon over again, but since I realized Lily and I weren't meant to be, no one has caught my eye.

“I just wish Regulus was coming. His presence might be the ticket to success... I couldn’t let my baby brother see me fail, how mortifying!”

“Wait, he’s not coming?” It was difficult to hide his disappointment. “But he remained at Hogwarts for the break, right?” James knew that was the case, considering they spent Christmas morning together (with Sirius, of course). But he didn’t want it to look like he was paying excessive attention to the youngest Black… especially since he didn’t know why he cared about what Regulus was or wasn’t doing.

“Yeah, to study for his O.W.L.s. It wasn’t because of the dance, or so he says.”

“Those aren’t for months!” James cried indignantly. “Surely he can take off one night… it’s your first ever New Year's party, doesn’t that count for something?”

Sirius chuckled. “Exactly what I said! But you know Reggie, he’s as stubborn as a hippogriff.”

After dropping off the alcohol in their dorm - and helping Sirius ward it to hell and back - James didn’t waste time checking the Map again. If Regulus wasn’t in the library anymore, he could grab a book or two to make his lie believable (he told Sirius he was searching for a charm to use in a specific prank, a prank he’d only tell his friend about once he was sure it was actually something that could be done)... then he'd hide behind a bookshelf to scour the Map for the youngest Black.

Striding purposefully through the doors, James smiled charmingly at the librarian, not at all perturbed by her suspicious glare - that was well deserved, after all.

Regulus was still exactly where he had been ten minutes ago… but so were his companions.

Clearing his throat didn’t do James much good, only resulting in some twattish Ravenclaw bloke shushing him. Just as he was preparing to say something, the tosser pointed up at the glowing countdown floating above their table.

Are they seriously taking a practice O.W.L. exam two days after Christmas?!

James deemed it in his best interest to avoid interrupting Regulus at the present moment, especially since he intended to ask a favor of sorts from the Slytherin. He spent the next five minutes observing his best mate’s younger brother, who was hunched over his parchment,terrible posture, he's going to have awful back pain by the time he graduates if he keeps it up,scribbling furiously.

Regulus Black was in the year below them at school, though age wise, he was almost two years younger than Sirius. Both brothers had the same pale, porcelain skin, gray eyes, and shiny black hair, but there were notable differences too. Regulus's curls only reached his chin, whereas Sirius’s wavy locks went past his shoulders. The youngest Black had a wiry and angular build, much different than his stockier, broader brother (to Sirius’s horror, thanks to his brother's summertime growth spurt, the top of his head only reached Regulus’s nose).

Before this year, if you asked anyone at Hogwarts about the Black brothers, a majority of people would respond that they didn’t get along. They didn’t fight, per se, though they were occasionally spotted bickering in the corridors or outside in the courtyard. Mostly, they brothers didn't have anything in common, so they ignored each other. It was only their closest confidants who knew how comically far from the truth that was; Sirius and Regulus were exceptionally tight knit… though that was about the extent of what Sirius's friends knew. Sure, he'd mention his brother if he was a part of a story he was telling, but he didn’t really say much else about Regulus, no matter how cleverly James worded his questions. The most talkative of the four Marauders, Sirius was prone to sharing things the rest of them really did not need, nor wish, to know. Yet he was completely mum on the topic of his brother... it drove James absolutely spare!

All of that changed this summer, when Sirius finally grew tired of his parents’ bigoted views and abusive punishments. After a spat with his mother turned violent (which James would belatedly learn was more commonplace than he previously believed), Sirius hailed the Knight Bus and fled to Potter Manor in the dead of night. James’s parents welcomed his best mate with open arms, having spent years assuring Sirius that he always had a place in their home. Free from the pressure of being the heir to the House of Black, Sirius was able to enjoy his last weeks of summer break... but James knew his best mate was anxious to return to school. Not for any swotty reasons, of course, despite definitely being a secret-swot. No, Sirius was worried about his brother, worried about what would become of their relationship after Regulus had refused to leave with him, worried about what would become of his brother, who Sirius had left behind in that wretched house with those wretched people, people who likely spent the remainder of the summer feeding Regulus more wretched lies about the disgrace and shame Sirius had brought to their family.

They didn't see Regulus again until the Welcome Feast, except for Remus, who stumbled upon him in the Prefect's carriage on the train. The younger Slytherin sat with his back to the Gryffindor table, and James’s heart sank with his best mate’s. Sure, he didn't know much about Regulus, but he knew the youngest Black was a creature of habit - that wasn't his usual seat. They spent the meal comforting their glum friend, with Remus encouraging him to approach his brother at the end of the meal… James was pretty sure Sirius had no intention of doing so, but it didn’t matter, because Regulus fled the hall, leaving the female Prefect in his year to herd the firsties to the Slytherin Common Room by herself.

The following day was a Saturday, so while they were getting ready to go to breakfast, Sirius revealed his plan to corner his sibling with the help of their mostly-finished map of the castle. James offered his Invisibility Cloak, but as it turned out, neither would be needed.

Seated at the Gryffindor table, the Marauders were scanning the hall for signs of the youngest Black when someone behind them cleared their throat.

“Regulus,” Sirius breathed. He slowly stood up, keeping his hands visible so as not to appear threatening. “Reggie, are you alright? Did she… was the rest of your summer okay? Do you need anything? Should we go somewhere and talk? Wait... how are you taller than me?”

The tenseness of the Slytherin’s shoulders loosened after the last remark. “It’s called growing, you should look into it.”

Poor Sirius looked like he was seconds away from sobbing. “S-still a prat, I see.”

Regulus gazed unblinkingly at his brother, who didn’t seem all that unnerved by the endless staring. Eventually, someone quietly coughed, and that’s when they noticed he wasn’t alone.

“Wasn’t there something you wished to say, Reg?” the blonde Ravenclaw girl muttered, standing at his side, a step or two behind him.

“You missed my birthday,” Regulus blurted. His friend sighed loudly when the Slytherin held his hand out without saying anything else; bewilderedly, Sirius completed the handshake. “I don’t want to shake your hand, you git, I want my present!” His eyes narrowed. “Assuming you got me one.”

Sirius puffed up. “Of course, I bought you a present, Reggie, who do you take me for?! I just didn’t want to mail it, since, you know…”

They both shifted uncomfortably.

“I can run upstairs and grab it?” Remus tentatively offered.

Sirius beamed. “Thanks, Rem.”

“Er, is that a good idea?” James held his hands up placatingly when Regulus scowled at him. “Just saying, might not be something you should open in front of a bunch of people.” He stared pointedly at Sirius to convey his message.

Thirty seconds - that’s how long it took to convince Regulus to go up to their dorm with them. James had a sneaking suspicion he only hesitated on principle, because the younger boy was visibly irritated when Sirius said they'd go up after breakfast - to this day, he’s never seen anyone, not even Remus leading up to or after the full moon, eat so quickly in his life… with proper manners no less! Luckily, Sirius had no desire to draw out the drama, and they soon were making their way back to Gryffindor Tower.

After five years of living in the same castle as Regulus, it was James’s first glimpse of what the younger Slytherin was really like. And somehow, in spite of the tidbits he gathered from Sirius since they first met, Regulus was nothing at all like he expected. They used a few secret passageways on their way to the dorm, and with no audience around, the youngest Black was free to lower his haughty Pureblood mask - he was adorable. He practically bounced alongside his brother, pestering him for clues about what gift he would be receiving. Sirius indulged his sibling's antics but refused to blab, so Regulus set his sights on Remus… who probably would have blabbed if he had known. James had a vague idea of what it was because he'd been there when it arrived by owl post; once Regulus reluctantly turned to him (which James tried really hard not to take personally), he had shrugged and said, ‘Don’t wanna ruin the surprise, but you’ll like it.’

Big mistake.

Slytherins were known for their cunning; of course Regulus knew he'd found the weakest link. He spent the rest of the time, up until Sirius pulled the wrapped gift from his trunk, trying to needle James into giving him hints. And for a kid who hardly looked anyone in the eye for more than a quick second (besides his brother and his own friends), Regulus could sweet talk really well. James almost caved several times, to the point where Remus had to hit him with a Silencio to save him from himself.

James would forever be grateful he was permitted to join to Black brothers for this, because he would never forget the moment for the rest of his life. While Sirius explained the specs of the custom-made broom with the accuracy of someone who had relentlessly hounded the poor unfortunate salesperson who'd gotten stuck with him, his brother stared blankly at his gift.

“It's mine?” Regulus asked when Sirius finally finished his long winded speech. “… to keep?”

“Well, it’s not my name carved into the handle, Reg, plus I don’t think the shop will take it back since it’s tailored specifically to you. So, yes, it's yours to keep."

After an uncomfortably long silence, Regulus scrambled to his feet. “Lavatory?”

When Sirius didn’t move, Remus pointed to the corner of the room, and the Slytherin rushed away, the door slamming closed behind him.

“He hates it,” Sirius groaned, hiding his face in his hands. "I knew I should have bought him that island."

Remus placed a comforting arm around his shoulders. “I think he’s just surprised, give him some time... and please don't buy anyone an island, Padfoot, that's weird."

"Well..."

"Shut up, Prongs, you rich bastard, buy your own island."

“You saw Reg's face!” the eldest Black snapped. “His expression was polite, which means he hates it -”

At some point in his early childhood, right around the time he learned how to talk, James developed a regrettable tendency to blurt out whatever came to mind. “Isn’t his face always polite?”

“Not when it’s just us! Blimey, if he didn’t hate me already, he definitely does now, oh, I’m the worst brother ever, he must be so pleased to be rid of me!”

Moony was much better at the type of comfort Sirius needed at the moment. Dramatics were not James's forte, thanks in large part to his other regrettable tendency of laughing at inappropriate times. Sirius could be so silly when he was all worked up, it really wasn't his fault!

Sharing a quick look with Remus, he hastily stood up. “Er, I’ll go talk to him. Back in a jiffy.” James considered himself a bit of an expert at reasoning with emotionally constipated Blacks.

When he didn’t get a response from knocking, he slowly made his way into the loo - after unlocking the door with his wand - and found Regulus perched on the counter, his forehead resting on his bent knees, arms wrapped around his shins.

“If you really don’t like it,” James cautiously inched his way towards the Slytherin, “I’m sure -”

“Don’t like it?” Regulus raised his head, his gray eyes glistening. “Don’t like it?! How could I not? It’s the most… most thoughtful gift anyone could ever…” A few tears slipped down his cheeks, and he angrily wiped his hand across them. “I love it.”

He gingerly sat opposite the younger Slytherin. “Well, good, I was a little worried about your sanity for a moment there. I’d kill for a broom like that.”

“It’s mine, Potter, get your own!” The ferociousness of his glare was marred by the tears stubbornly dripping from his eyes, yet he snootily lifted his nose in the air. “And I’d kill you first.”

A smile made its way onto James’s face. “Pretty sure I could beat you in a duel, no matter how many curses you know.”

Regulus kicked him in the shin. “I’ll take my chances against you.”

“Ooh, is that a challenge, Baby Black?”

“Normally, I’d say yes,” the Slytherin huffed. “But Sirius would get cross, regardless of who won.”

“True. So... if you don’t hate the broom, what’s got you so upset?”

“I’m not upset.” Sweet Merlin, he might as well be Sirius’s twin. “It’s just… I spent all summer thinking Sirius hated me, and -”

“He could NEVER,” James said firmly, clenching his jaw. “If that’s what your parents said -”

“They didn’t.” Sensing his skepticism, Regulus rolled his eyes. “We don’t talk about Siri, it’s like he never existed.”

“Sounds horrid, though I dunno why I’m even surprised at this point. But for what it’s worth, and don’t tell him I told you this, but Sirius spent all summer worrying that you’d hate him."

“I could never.” James conjured a handkerchief when Regulus's eyes filled with tears again. “T-thanks. It's just... the gift I got for him seems so impersonal now.”

“He’d love anything you got him, I'm sure of it. Besides, there’s two months til Sirius's birthday, so you have plenty of time to figure it out." James shrugged. "Worst case, you could always buy him an island."

"That's asinine."

"I can tell you're considering it, though!"

"... am not."

It took some persistence, but between pinky-promising to keep their conversation between them, along with showing Regulus where Sirius stored his plethora of skincare products (he didn’t comment when Regulus sifted through it without using anything), James convinced him to leave the loo.

They reentered the dorm just in time.

“James, a little help?!” Remus yelled, standing with his back to the fireplace, which was now blazing despite the September warmth.

Directly in front of the werewolf, so close they were almost nose-to-nose, was Sirius. “Move, or be moved, Rem!”

It was difficult to notice at first glance, but trapped between the two Marauders was Regulus’s custom-made broom.

They watched, dumbfounded, as Remus attempted to pry Sirius’s fingers off the broom handle. “Remove your temporary sticking charm, you cheater!” he growled. “Sirius, you’re not seeing sense!”

“You want fair, fine! I’ll fight fair.” When Sirius unsheathed his wand, James reacted without conscious thought. “Ow, what the hell, James!” his friend whined from underneath him. “You’re heavy, get off!”

“Don’t think I will,” James hummed, letting his muscles go limp. “S’what you get for trying to set Remus on fire.”

“I wasn’t -”

Regulus’s shrill voice cut through their bickering. “WHAT ARE YOU BARBARIANS DOING?! You better not have hurt her!”

“I know your brother might be rather prissy and fussy compared to most blokes, but he is still a boy,” James teased, pinching his friend's cheeks. “A very pretty one, though.”

“The prettiest!” Sirius lightly nipped his nose. “And don’t you forget it, Potter.”

With an impressive display of strength, Regulus ripped James off of his brother and shoved him (thankfully) into Remus’s waiting arms. Then, it was Sirius’s turn to hold a hand out to his sibling, except…

… that wasn’t exactly what the Slytherin had in mind.

“It’s okay, darling, you’re safe now,” Regulus cooed, reverently stroking a hand over his new broom. Leaving his brother on the floor, he went to sit on Sirius’s bed. “I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

Remus effortlessly tugged Sirius to his feet.

“So… you… you don’t hate it?”

The younger boy made a disgusted sound. “Don’t be daft! Who could ever hate something so beautiful?” Removing a green cube from his pocket, Regulus flicked his wand, and an elegantly wrapped parcel grew to full size. “Now, quickly open yours, so you can tell me the specs again. Then, we should go flying.”

Peering suspiciously between the two brothers, James huffed, “Pause… is your birthday not in November, Sirius?” Remus looked just as confused, which was mollifying. “Have you been leading us on all this time?!”

“Don’t be daft,” Sirius echoed, carefully taking the box from his brother. He held it away from his chest like it was going to explode. “I… I thought you might have forgotten, Reggie.”

“His birthday is in November, Potter, you can rest easy that you haven’t been conned.” Regulus’s gaze remained on his broom, but his shoulders nearly reached his ears. “Of course, I didn’t forget. But it’s nothing major, so don’t get too excited. Just something small I picked up that reminded me of you.”

“Awfully big box for something small,” James mused, peering over his friend’s shoulder.

Regulus shrugged. “We always wrap our presents in misleading boxes, it makes it fun.”

Deciding Sirius was taking too long to open the damn thing, James sucked the tip of his finger into his mouth… which was when Regulus decided to look over, f*ck, talk about awkward eye contact… huh, his eyes are really pretty… then he jabbed it in his friend’s ear. “Mate, come on, hurry up! I wanna see what it is.”

The action caused Sirius to flail so hard, he nearly fell off the bed. “Oi! You’re disgusting, James Potter!” He rubbed his moist ear on his brother’s shoulder.

“Yet you’re somehow better, brother?!” It didn’t escape James's notice how incredibly adorable Regulus looked with his nose scrunched up like that… he shoved that thought right back into the trenches of his brain because, where did that come from?! “Ugh, Lupin is the only tolerable one among you.”

“Words hurt, little brother.”

“It’s not my fault you can’t handle the truth, Sirius, the truth being that Lupin is better than you.”

Remus preened. “Thanks, I try.”

“And you have my gratitude for that.”

“Not even your well-mannered brother opens stuff that slowly!” James groused to his friend, deeming it best to ignore Remus and Regulus.

Finally, Sirius started pulling off the wrapping paper. “Reggie’s the youngest in the family, he’s massively spoiled. Not all of us were so lucky.”

The Slytherin didn’t look offended… in fact, he looked rather pleased. “And who’s fault was that?”

“Mine, probably,” Sirius shrugged, finally lifting the lid off the box… only to find another box.

Removing the second box from the main box revealed two other items; an envelope and an even smaller box, wow, they were not kidding when they said they wrapped stuff obnoxiously. James wasn’t quite sure where the ‘fun’ part came in; the suspense made him feel like he was going to vibrate out of his skin, and the presents weren’t even for him!

Inside the envelope was a gift certificate to the new tattoo and piercing shop that recently opened in Hogsmeade.

“I know you've wanted to get your ears pierced for awhile now,” Regulus started explaining before Sirius could say anything.

James whistled when he saw the amount. “Could pierce his whole body for that price.”

“And you mentioned thinking it would be cool to have a lip ring, and you also talked about wanting a tattoo, and now that you’re… you know… er, you can do whatever you want! And according to my research, all new piercings must be done with boring, standard jewelry,” he gestured to the smaller box Sirius had just opened, which contained a variety of gorgeous earrings, “but once your ears heal, you’ll have better jewelry on hand to choose from! Um, assuming you want to, of course, cuz if you hate it, I can always -”

“I love it, Regulus, I promise,” Sirius cut his brother off. “It’s perfect, and I already have so many ideas.”

Regulus smiled weakly. “Please don’t burden me with a lifetime of regret by opting to get any embarrassing tattoos, though.”

“You can come with me and have the final say?” He beamed when the younger Slytherin nodded. “Brilliant, we’ll go next Hogsmeade weekend!”

Sirius opened the last box, revealing a… well, James wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He had an idea, but since it was coming from Regulus, there was absolutely no way it was a -

“That’s a helmet for a motorbike,” Remus said when Sirius didn’t react, unknowingly confirming James’s suspicion.

Regulus wrung his hands together. “Last year, you kept going on and on about wanting to own one of those Muggle deathtraps, and one evening after such a conversation, I mentioned to Pandora that I was quite concerned you were going to end up dead in a ditch or blown to pieces whilst trying to enchant it. So, she did some research, she’s very wise you know, and she said that while my concerns were definitely valid, there’s plenty of ways you can go about it safely, hence the helmet, which I’m sure you’d conveniently forget to purchase -”

“Where did you get this?” Sirius tersely interrupted. He handed the helmet to James, who’d been impatiently waiting for his turn to examine it.

“By owl post.”

“Regulus.”

“A store -”

“Regulus.”

“Muggle London,” the Slytherin muttered meekly.

Leaping to his feet, Sirius began pacing back and forth. “Regulus Arcturus, you’re telling me that some point after I left, you snuck out of GRIMMAULD PLACE to go to MUGGLE LONDON on your own, likely not telling anyone where you were going -”

“No, no!” Regulus fervently shook his head. “That would be foolish, most foolish, a suicide mission if you will! I um… I went during the last Hogsmeade trip, I swear, Siri.”

“That is only marginally less worrisome, Regulus!”

James and Remus shared a bemused look… how could Sirius Black lecture anyone about dangerous escapades?! Granted, they’d never snuck out of Hogsmeade… a missed opportunity really… but still.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, Regulus reluctantly told the story:

The Slytherin Captain, Justin Fawley owed him a favor… seeing his brother’s homicidal expression, Regulus rushed to explain (without being asked) that a few months prior, he played a huge role in helping the older boy make amends with his boyfriend, Pierre Legrand… so with the end of the year rapidly approaching and his Captain’s subsequent graduation, Regulus asked if he would Apparate them to Muggle London, so he could make the purchase. He insisted a lot of research and planning was conducted prior to the trip, meaning they were gone for thirty minutes at most, and he had told his friends about the errand - if he didn’t return by a certain hour, they’d alert a staff member.

“I was going to save it for your birthday,” Regulus continued his ramble, “because you’d be of age, and Mother and Father would have less influence over your decisions, but now that you’ve, uh… left, Pandora advised that it would be better to give you these particular gifts now, because they conveyed the sort of message I wished to make, since I am quote, ‘below adequate at emotional conversations’.”

“Think that might be genetic,” Remus mumbled, smoothly dodging the wandless Stinging Hex that Sirius threw at him.

Regulus sucked in a huge breath. “She is very wise, so who am I to argue?”

Sensing his best mate was still on his high horse, James blurted out the question he’d been dying to ask for the last fifteen minutes, “Do you always give Sirius presents on your birthday, or is this a special occasion?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, James realized it wasn’t a special occasion sort of thing - there was conveniently a Hogsmeade weekend at the end of October, and another right before the Christmas holidays. During each trip, Sirius always bought gifts for his brother. James had assumed Regulus was just super spoiled on Christmas day… eh, he still firmly believed that, but now he knew Regulus also got presents in November.

“Birthdays are about celebrating your own birth, yeah?” Rejoining his brother on the bed, Sirius tossed an arm around his shoulders. “Well, after Regulus was born, I decided I also wanted to celebrate his birth on my birthday, because my life got a lot better with him in it, ya know? I think it was around my fifth birthday that I came up with it… I remember pitching a whole fit because Mother and Father refused to take me to Diagon Alley to buy something for him, but Grandmother thought it was cute, so she took me instead. On Regulus’s next birthday, she helped him pick out a gift for me, and thus, a tradition was born.”

“That’s really sweet.” Hearts practically fell from Remus’s eyes.

Sirius’s cheeks turned pink, “Well, don’t sound so surprised Moons, I am a really sweet guy.”

Regulus caught James’s gaze and pretended to gag.

Despite having an eye on the countdown, James startled when the timer went off.

“Damnit, I didn’t answer the last two questions,” Regulus grumbled to the girl sitting next to him, staunchly ignoring James’s presence.

She squeezed his hand. “It’s just practice, Reg, you’ll get better.”

Against his will, James’s eyes zoned in on their entwined fingers. It made him feel rather uncomfortable, and a few moments passed before he understood why.

As one of his closest friends, shouldn’t she know by now that he hates people touching him? Pfft, some friend she is!

(He ignored how Regulus didn’t seem at all bothered by the contact.)

“I f*cking need to get better if I want to have any chance at beating -”

Already knowing what the younger teen was going to say (Sirius got ten straight O’s last year), James cleared his throat.

The Slytherin jumped a foot in the air and whipped around so quickly, James winced when he heard Regulus's neck crack. “f*cking hell, Potter, what are you playing at by sneaking up on people like that?!”

“He’s been there for like five minutes,” the twattish Ravenclaw drawled. “Just staring at you.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt your exam,” James hurriedly clarified, I'm glad not all Ravenclaws are such pricks, but why does Regulus even hang around him?! “But I need to speak with you, please… alone.”

Regulus co*cked an eyebrow. “What about?”

“It’s Sirius.”

“Serious, as in important?” Barty Crouch Jr, one of Regulus’s Slytherin buddies, inquired. “Or it’s about his brother?”

After a second of consideration, James shrugged. “Both actually.”

“I’m sure it can wait,” the prattish-Ravenclaw huffed. “As you can see, Potter, he’s busy.”

Clenching his jaw, he tried to tamp down his rising anger at this presumptuous arsehole. “I didn’t realize you were Regulus’s spokesperson,” James snapped. “Last I checked, he could speak for himself.”

“Ooooh, Fenwick," there was a derisive tilt to Crouch’s laughter, "Potter’s got a point, ya know.” He winked at James like they were old pals. “Not so sure it’s in your best interest to get on his bad side, too.”

“I meant no disrespect,” Fenwick mumbled, his ears burning red. “Hey wait... what do you mean, ‘too’?!”

Regulus shot to his feet. “I’ll be just a minute. If you would all be so kind as to wait for my return before continuing, I’d be most appreciative.”

“Of course, love,” the Ravenclaw girl said with a serene smile.

Winding his way through the stacks, James kept walking until he found a deserted section in the far back corner of the library. Casting a muffling charm around them, he silently prayed to any deity that would listen that Regulus wouldn't realize this was a popular spot for couples to snog in, Merlin, thank goodness I kept the Map! Imagine if Sirius saw me here with his brother, he’d go ballistic.

Turning around to face Regulus, James was unexpectedly bombarded by an onslaught of competing thoughts.

Blimey, did he get prettier since Christmas?

At the rate he's going, he'll be taller than me too by the end of the school year.

Wonder what he thinks this conversation is about?

It’s a pity we aren’t here to do what everyone else does -

Nope, NOPE, bad thoughts, go back to where you came from!

… has Regulus snogged anyone back here?

“Well, what is it, Potter?” Regulus huffed, jolting James from his downward spiral. “In case you couldn’t tell, I am quite busy.”

Shuffling his feet, he was suddenly distinctly aware that he had no idea what to say. “Er… you’re coming to our New Year’s Eve party, right? Please, please say yes.”

Surprisingly, Regulus didn’t say no right away. “Why?”

“Sirius has uh… told you about his crush, yeah?”

His best mate once mentioned that he told Regulus 'everything, except the stuff that’s not mine to tell’... James hoped that still held up.

“Which one? My brother has one ‘main’ crush, if you will,” the Slytherin smirked, “but dozens of smaller ones.”

James valiantly pretended like this was common knowledge. “The main one, on Remus.”

“I think everyone in this castle and Hogsmeade knows about my brother’s crush on Lupin, except Lupin himself. What of it?”

“Sirius is finally going to confess at our New Year’s Eve party,” James whispered in spite of the privacy charm. He felt dreadful for betraying his best mate’s trust like this, but well… it’s for his own good, really.

Evidently, Regulus was also painfully familiar with his brother’s lack of follow through. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” James perked up. “Or rather, hear about it afterwards, because I’m not going, Potter, and you can’t tempt -”

“His plan is to get drunk and wing it!” James rushed to add before Regulus could storm off. “And if he gets a kiss at midnight, he’s going to try and get more.” He left it at that, chivalrously deciding to spare Sirius’s sibling from the horror of hearing about what said sibling planned to do with one Remus Lupin.

“No, you are gravely mistaken, Potter. That’s idiotic, even for my brother.”

“I know!” James threw his hands in the air.

“That just has the potential to be so… so messy!”

“Oh, I know.” He’d thought about that too.

“The morning after, when the haze of alcohol has faded away...” Regulus blanched. “Or if Lupin spurns his advances, thinking it’s just because Sirius was drunk. Truthfully, I’m all for a drunk confession, anything to get Sirius to tell Lupin his feelings, but the rest cannot happen.”

“I know, I tried talking him out of it -”

“Try harder!”

“Regulus, remember who we’re talking about.”

“My brother -”

“The most stubborn person on this planet!”

Regulus’s face fell. “But… but I like Lupin.”

Something ugly twisted in James’s gut at the admission. “Well, I suppose you have a few days left -”

“Not enough time to plan anything properly!” Regulus hissed, starting to pace back and forth across the carpet, is that like a ‘Black’ thing, or just a Regulus/Sirius thing?

“You just need to beat Sirius to it.”

“So, wait, you want me to confess to Lupin for -”

“I mean, it’s not my business, but if you want Remus to know how you feel, I guess you should,” James said, gazing at a purple tome above Regulus’s head with much more interest than it really warranted… meaning he was taken aback when the Slytherin smacked his arm. “Ow! What was that -”

“This is NOT the time for jokes!” Regulus shrieked. “This is a serious predica-... if you laugh, Potter, so f*cking help me!”

Rubbing his arm, he kept a wary eye trained on the fuming boy in front of him. “You were the one who said you liked Remus,” James grumbled. “Not me.”

“I do like Lupin,” Regulus echoed, going back to his manic pacing. “And because he’s one of the few tolerable people in this school, I’d like him to continue to walk among the living… there’s no way for this to go well, surely you understand that?”

James was horribly confused. So… Regulus wasn’t admitting to a crush on Remus? That’s a relief!… for uh, Sirius, yeah, how awful would it be if Regulus had a crush on Sirius’s crush? Terrible, yep, very bad.

“I mean… isn’t that a bit harsh?”

Oof, the look he received in response to his question made James want to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness… forgiveness for what, he didn’t know, but were emotions ever rational?

“Let me explain it for you in plain terms then, Potter. This can go one of two ways. One, Lupin rejects my brother, and I have to kill him for breaking Sirius’s heart, regardless of how noble his reasoning is. Or two, Lupin accepts my brother’s drunken advances, and then I have to kill him for taking advantage of Sirius. It’s a winless situation!”

“Er, but what if they’re both drunk?” James hesitantly suggested. “That’s not as bad, yeah?”

“My brother is a lightweight, and Lupin is a tank,” Regulus scoffed. “Besides, I’ve heard about your parties. I know he drinks less when you and/or Sirius drinks more.”

James winced. “Remus wouldn’t do anything of the sort, he’s responsible. And I know he has real feelings for Siri.” Okay, Remus has never admitted anything outright, but James wasn’t blind… with his glasses on… and there’s been so many signs over the years. Not to mention, during Slughorn’s lesson at the beginning of the year on Amortentia, the world’s most powerful love potion, Remus’s gaze immediately shot to Sirius when they were discussing what they smelled… just like Sirius’s gaze immediately shot to Remus. “So, I think we can solve this debacle without murder.”

“Gryffindors, ugh."

“Slytherins, ugh,” James mocked.

Catching Regulus’s hand when he tried to swat him, James suddenly found himself unusually close to the younger teen. “You have a plan?” he asked softly, peering skeptically at James through long, dark eyelashes. “Well, come on, Potter, let’s hear it.”

“This is my plan,” he mumbled, still holding Regulus’s hand. Pride was the only thing that kept him from looking away. “Tell you the silliness your brother has cooked up, then work with you to fix it before wehave to deal with another falling out between them.”

Sweet Merlin, Remus had every right to be livid last year after Sirius lured Snape to the Shrieking Shack during the full moon, but James was so f*cking glad when they eventually made up. Those two months were rough for all four Marauders, and he highly doubted Regulus had a grand time either.

“So, the great James Potter is going to ride on my coattails," Regulus’s lips quirked up in the corners, like he was trying to hold back a smile, "is that what I'm hearing?”

“Aw, I think you’re great too, Reg!” James beamed, mentally patting himself on the back when the younger teen’s cheeks pinkened.

Regulus opened his mouth but then suddenly shut it, looking at something over his shoulder. James’s good mood evaporated when he turned around to see that Ravenclaw git.

“I’ll think on it tonight and get back with you,” Regulus said, and James reluctantly let his hand go. “Thanks for coming to me with this. I… I know how much it all means to Sirius, and I’d loath for him to muck it up.”

It felt like little leprechauns were dancing a jig in his stomach, but James smiled softly, regardless. “And that’s precisely why I came to you.”

They stood there for another few seconds, just smiling at each other, until Fenwick ruined it all. “The others are ready to continue, Regulus, or should we go on without you?”

James silently vowed to spend the next few days concocting a prank specifically for the house of wisdom.

Chapter 2: In Which Regulus Hatches a Plan

Chapter Text

At breakfast the next morning, James was trying to convince Sirius it would be fun to set a bunch of snakes loose in the Ravenclaw Common Room, when someone wiggled their way into the limited space between them.

“Uh... alright, Reggie?”

Regulus looked like he’d partied for a week straight - he was still dressed immaculately, wearing his school robes and tie, and his hair was tidier than James could ever hope to get his own. But the bags under his eyes were dark, and his posture radiated exhaustion.

“What does it even mean to be 'alright’?”

James frowned. “You sound like Remus.”

“What’s going on, little star?”

Heaving a sigh, the younger Slytherin dropped his head onto his brother’s shoulder. “Siri, m’gonna fail my O.W.L.s, and then I’ll be the laughing stock of the whole school, and Mother will disown me and adopt some orphan in my place, so then I’ll be homeless, bullied, and poor.”

Ever the dutiful big brother, Sirius carded his fingers through Regulus’s hair with one hand, using the other to prepare a plate of food. “Mother despises children, you know that. She won’tstart over, even if she doesn’t have to birth anything herself. You’re going to be just fine, Reggie, so long as you stop running yourself into the ground like this. Here, eat something.”

“Eat? Eat?!” Regulus’s laugh was borderline hysterical. “How can I be expected to eat, when my life is falling apart before my very eyes?! What use do I have for sustenance, when it only prolongs the suffering I must face each and every day? Merlin, I might as well just pitch myself off the Astronomy Tower now to spare myself the torment of life saturated with insignificance and mediocrity!”

It took an immense amount of willpower to keep his focus on his food and not look at anyone around them. James was sure he wasn’t the only one interested to hear how the King of Theatrics himself would handle his melodramatic sibling.

“There are enchantments all around the castle, Reggie. No one can pitch themselves or anyone else off,” Sirius pointed out, sounding like Remus when he was reciting from Hogwarts: A History.

Regulus groaned. “The Founders suck.”

“But it’s a shame you’re giving up sustenance. I guess I’ll just have to drink this last cup of coffee myself.” Sirius wiped the smirk off his face right before his brother lifted his head.

“I suppose there are exceptions to every rule," Regulus mused.

“Mmhm. Now, what happened -”

“Existence.”

“... specifically, that’s got you in such a tizzy?”

Sipping on his steaming coffee, Regulus glared balefully at the back of that Ravenclaw pillock. James resisted the urge to cheer. “Fenwick scored higher than me and Pandora on our practice History of Magic O.W.L.”

“I’m sure he cheated, he looks exactly like the type!” James growled. “Smarmy bastard. Want me to get back at him for you? I can do it easily from here.”

“Why would he cheat on a practice exam?”

Great question...

“Psychological warfare.” James felt a bit better about his answer when Sirius nodded next to him. “Psyche out his competition.”

Regulus still looked dubious, but gave him a half shrug. “Thanks, but no thanks. Regardless of how well he did, I didn’t do well enough.”

Sirius and James both grimaced when they heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle.

“Is it just History of Magic?” Sirius asked, blotting his mouth with his napkin. “Actually, you know what, I’ll lend you all of my notes to be safe -”

There was a loud, incredulous noise from further down the bench.

“Problem, Mary?”

Mary Macdonald shook her head. “Don’t you mean Remus’s notes?”

James winced, even before he saw Sirius’s cheeks flush with color. His best mate was a lot more academically diligent than people gave him credit for, and he took great pride in his exemplary grades.

“They are MY notes." Sirius threw his napkin onto his plate and stood up. “I have never and will never copy off anyone else, you can be assured of that.”

“I believe you, brother.”

“Good. I’ll be right back, Reggie.”

“You don’t have to get -”

But it was too late, as Sirius was already halfway to the doors of the Great Hall by that point.

“That wasn’t cool,” James lightly admonished his fellow sixth-year. “Sirius doesn’t take notes in class because he’s already read ahead in the textbook.”

Mary, Lily, and Marlene stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and awe.

“He’s easily distracted when he’s around other people,” Regulus added quietly, dropping his gaze back to his plate when they turned to look at him. “Knowing my brother, he does his work early in the morning when everyone is asleep.”

“Sirius is the distraction in class,” Lily pointed out. She jokingly tossed a grape at James. “Along with you, Potter.”

James grinned innocently. “We make school fun, sorry you’re allergic to having a good time.”

Mary and Marlene chuckled, while Lily grumbled under her breath.

“Sure wish I knew that years ago,” Marlene snorted. “It always made me feel like sh*te that he would goof off all the time, then turn around a score high on every assignment and exam. Meanwhile, I put in ten times the effort, to only be half as good. Thought he was some secret genius -”

“He is a genius,” Regulus said with conviction, before James had the chance. “But trust me when I say, I know exactly how you feel.” His smile became sly when he turned to the Gryffindor Chaser next to him. “Well, that went way better than expected.” Something was pressed into James’s hands. “You free today?”

“I can be,” James said automatically, curious to hear what Regulus’s plan was.

He’s pretty sure Sirius wanted to spend the day making invitations for their New Year's Eve party (basically everyone from third-year and above was invited, besides a few slimy Slytherins, that Ravenclaw seventh-year Remus hated, that Hufflepuff fifth-year James hated, and that Gryffindor fourth-year who hated Regulus for reasons none of them could figure out). But James would rather pickle rats’ brains than have his best mate breathing over his shoulder all afternoon, griping to him about his ‘substandard calligraphy skills’.

His answer earned him an approving nod from the younger Slytherin. “Good, we’ll meet at 11, and I wrote the rest of the details on that note. I don’t need to tell you to keep my brother away, right?”

Checking his watch, James had two hours to devise a viable excuse… he’d definitely need to remember to grab the Map to ensure Sirius lacked the ability to spy on him if he got ‘bored’, the nosy bugger. “I’ll be there.”

“Fantastic.”

He felt a flash of panic when Regulus stood up (with his coffee, of course). “Wait, don’t go!”

“Why ever not?” Regulus asked, sounding genuinely confused.

James ran a hand through his hair, racking his mind for a reason that wasn’t, ‘Because I don’t want you to. ’

“Umm… Sirius will be back soon, and I promise, you’ll be impressed with his notes. Even if that wasn’t your reason for sitting here, I’m sure they’ll be incredibly helpful.” Regulus looked torn, his eyes fluttering to the Slytherin table, where two of his friends watched him with expectant expressions. “Please?”

“Well… alright.”

“Brilliant!”

Ten minutes later, they were in the midst of a deep discussion regarding the massive plot holes in a popular fictional book series when Sirius strode back into the Great Hall, his bag slung over his shoulder.

“If you’re talking about that god awful vampire series again, I’m going back to the dorm.”

Regulus’s cheeks flushed. “Potter’s analysis is far more perspicacious than yours ever was, so bye!” He made a show of turning his back to his brother. “Anyways, as I was saying -”

“Oi, brat!”

James smiled apologetically at his friend, but quickly returned his attention back to the Slytherin.

It was lucky that Regulus had finished his coffee - when Sirius dropped his bag on the table, everything within a two-meter radius shook.

“Cheers, Black,” Mary grumbled. With a flick of her wand, the spilled pumpkin juice on her shirt disappeared.

“Oops,” Sirius said with absolutely no remorse. He started pulling out different colored three-ring binders and matching spiral notebooks, two Muggle inventions Remus introduced them to in first year that Sirius was still obsessed with... along with Remus himself, heh. “Pay attention to me, Regulus, you can return to your whining later.”

“I am not whining, brother!” He kinda was, but it was endearing, so… "Just because you lack the intelligence to -"

“Moving on!” Sirius waited until he was sure he had Regulus’s attention before continuing. “So, these binders contain all my essays since first year, one binder for each subject. The notebooks contain my notes from both the textbooks and other books I perused, one per subject, then a new one per year. They're color coded and labeled, so it should be straightforward, but lemme know if you get confused. Fortunately for you, Mother insisted you take the same electives as me… oh, and you can have this book bag to keep it all in, I use a different one for class.”

James joined Regulus and the girls in gawking at the collection - he lived with Sirius and didn’t realize how much of a secret swot he was… Merlin, him and Remus really were perfect for each other!

Regulus delicately picked up one of the notebooks and flipped through it. “This is, this is amazing.” Clutching the notebook to his chest, he stared up at his brother with wide, disbelieving eyes (he looked more shaken now than he did months ago when he opened his broom - James never imagined such a thing could be possible). “I can have… all of this? Really?”

“I expect it back at the end of the year, if not sooner, but you can make your own copies if you want,” Sirius responded with an indulgent smile. “Theoretically, it’ll all be useful in studying for my N.E.W.T.s, though once that rubbish is over, you can have everything back.”

“And what do you want in return?”

The eldest Black brother didn’t look taken aback by the question - the same could not be said for the sixth-year Gryffindors surrounding them. “What I want in return is simple... I want you to pass your O.W.L.s, Regulus. I want you to study hard, but I also want you to maintain a regular sleep schedule, eat consistently, spend time with your friends, and not drive yourself into an early grave for some stupid meaningless tests.”

“A… a regular sleep schedule?”

“I believe in you, Reggie, you can do it.”

Poor Regulus looked so overwhelmed.

“Can I just buy you a unicorn instead?”

Head tilted to the side and a faraway look on his face, he knew Sirius was genuinely considering it. With Remus still in the Hospital Wing, James had the unfortunate duty of dashing his friend’s dreams before they could fully form, pointing out several reasons why owning a unicorn was a bad idea (like the smallness of their dorm compared to the size of a unicorn, how unicorns lived outdoors and hated blokes, etc).

“Do your best on the sleep schedule, that’s all I ask. Also, you’re not allowed to share any of this with that Fenwick bloke,” Sirius amended. “I, of course, do not care if you share it with Pandora, Ev, or Crouch, but we do not aid the competition, Reggie.”

Technically, they were also the competition, but James didn’t think he’d earn himself any favors by pointing that out.

“Suppose I have no reason to skip out on your party -”

“You do you have a reason,” Sirius interjected, his tone taking on a steely edge. “If you don’t want to go, that’s a reason, plain and simple. And I say this with love, but if you don’t want to be there, then I don’t want you there.”

Nodding slowly, Regulus’s eyes darted to James, then back to his brother. “If I decide to go, may I bring my friends?”

“Not Fenwick,” James quickly responded before Sirius could.

“‘Course, Reg. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.”

“Except Fenwick.”

“So, what’s the plan?” James asked, stuffing the Invisibility Cloak into his bag.

He stifled a laugh when Regulus jumped ten feet in the air, again, whirling around to face James with an expression that could only be categorized as outraged.

“To not kill me before I graduate from this forsaken institution!” Regulus snapped. His eyes suddenly widened. “W-what are you wearing?”

Because James always got hot while brewing - at least, he assumed they’d be brewing, since they’re meeting in an abandoned potions classroom - he opted for the short sleeved ‘Gryffindor Quidditch’ t-shirt Sirius gifted him in fourth year, paired with dark wash jeans he coincidentally also bought that same year. Granted, both articles of clothing were rather tight on him considering how much he’s grown in the last two years, but they fit… Sirius didn’t have a problem with it when he saw James earlier, and his best mate considered it his personal mission to ensure the Marauders never made any catastrophic fashion choices.

“Clothes?” He self-consciously crossed his arms over his chest when Regulus continued to gawk at him. “Sirius bought this shirt for me, I quite like it.”

“It’s, um, nice,” Regulus muttered, sounding atypically flustered. “It appears my brother does occasionally exhibit good taste.”

When the Slytherin turned away, James noticed the red tint to his cheeks.

Huh…

“So, what’s the plan?” he asked again.

Regulus busied himself with setting out ingredients. “It’s a multifaceted plan. Obviously, attempting to talk my brother out of anything he has his mind set on is a waste of time.” James nodded… even though he did that exact thing, he knew it wasn’t going to work. But it made him feel better to have tried. “We can of course hope that Sirius gets drunk and loses focus on his mission, but again, that’s unlikely.” Yep, no one was more determined than drunk-Sirius. “So, we’ll be brewing a cauldron full of Sober-Up Potion -”

“Don’t you mean Hangover Cure?”

The Slytherin raised an eyebrow. “Did I stutter?”

“Well… erm, no?”

“Exactly,” Regulus huffed a laugh. He pointed to a row of tiny bottles. “We have no idea how this will go, so we can only do our best to plan for certain scenarios. The most likely one being that Sirius gets his drunk confession out, and then he and Lupin can take a shot of this -”

“And how do we convince them to do that?” James interjected.

Ooof, the ‘are you legitimately this stupid, or is it just an act? ’ look he received was going to haunt him for the next thirty-years, minimum. “By pretending it’s alcohol, moron. Worse case, we shove it down their throats, I’m not fussed about it.”

“And if we can’t get close enough?”

The Slytherin shrugged. “We give a few to Lupin.” James didn’t bother to interrupt - Regulus sensed his bewilderment right away. “He’s a Prefect, yeah? We don’t need to tell him it’s for my brother. Though, from the stories Sirius has told of his drunken misadventures, Lupin might be glad for it.”

James smothered a laugh, because yeah, that sounded about right.

Brewing with Regulus was actually rather nice. Sirius had long ago perfected his ‘aloof and disinterested’ persona while they brewed (or did literally anything else outside of their dorm). Yet in between pieces of gossip or whatever he felt like discussing that day, he muttered directions under his breath, like James was incapable of reading/following the recipe on the board; even after five and a half years as Potions partners, Sirius still didn’t entirely trust him to not f*ck up their potion (James didn’t take it personally, he knew it was more of a control thing than a lack of faith in his skills thing).

His brother, however, was content to chop, slice, and dice while letting James monitor the stirring and adding of ingredients without comment. They chatted amicably throughout the three hours they spent together, first about their holiday homework, then about how interesting it was to spend Christmas at Hogwarts. Regulus refused to talk about ‘The Unending Watch’ series, ‘I need to focus, Potter, I can’t discuss that atrocity unless you want to risk this cauldron blowing up in our faces’, so they argued about their favorite Quidditch teams instead. Somewhere along the way, James realized this was the first time he’d ever been alone with Regulus for more than like fifteen minutes, and it was… it was nice. Really nice.

They were almost done cleaning up when out of nowhere, Regulus asked, “What did you tell my brother we were doing, by the way?”

Vigorously scrubbing a stubborn stain on the bottom of the cauldron they had used, James groaned when he accidentally splashed water over the side of the sink. “Er, what do you mean?”

“Well…” He tried not to squirm self-consciously when Regulus stared unblinkingly at the wet spot on his shirt. “It would be obvious you lied to him if I unintentionally contradicted your story,” the Slytherin said when he snapped out of his daze; with a wave of his wand, James and the floor were dry once more.

“Thanks, Reg, I appreciate it.” Rinsing the cauldron off, James placed it on the drying rack and then quickly washed his hands. “Um, I told him I’m pants at the fancy writing you two excel at, so I was going to head down to the kitchens to run the menu by the house elves, then see if I could swipe the list of all the students who stayed for the holidays. Since that was gonna take a while, I suggested he keep Remus company in the Hospital Wing while he worked on the invites.”

Personally, James thought his lie was flawless - last night, he made a list of students using the Marauder’s Map, and before meeting Regulus, he swung by the kitchens to talk with the house elves. Even better, with Sirius spending time with his one-true-love, he was way less likely to notice how long James was actually gone for.

Sadly, Regulus did not seem impressed by his wit. “Right, yeah that makes sense.” He handed James his book bag without looking at him. “Wouldn’t want Sirius, or anyone else for that matter, to know you were spending time with me.”

Something in Regulus’s tone had warning bells going off in his head.

Grabbing the Slytherin’s arm when he tried to storm away, James unflinchingly pushed aside the wand now pointed at his face. “What makes you say that?”

“Don’t play dumb, Potter.”

“Have you considered that it is not an act?” James frowned when his quip didn’t even garner the tiniest of smiles. “Honestly, Reg, I don’t understand.”

“We both know that being seen with me is bad for your reputation!”

An incredulous laugh burst from his lips before he could stop it. “My reputation? Like I give a rat’s arse about what people think of me! Besides, I think being seen with me is much worse for your reputation, love.”

Sheathing his wand, Regulus wrenched his arm out of James’s grip. “Don’t call me ‘love’, I’m not one of your little admirers.” Despite the harsh words, his tone lacked any heat.

“Pity.” James said it as a joke, but once the words were out, he realized he meant them. Shoving that inappropriate thought away to panic over later, he cleared his throat, staunchly ignoring Regulus’s curious gaze. “If I told Sirius we were hanging out, he’d want to come too, regardless of what we were doing. You know how he is.”

The Slytherin was silent for what felt like hours, until eventually, he sighed. “True, you make a good point.” James figured that was as close to ‘I’m sorry’ as he was going to get, and honestly, being told he was right was better than any apology, anyways… at least when it came from Regulus. “Will Lupin be alright to partake in any festivities? He’s been in the Hospital Wing for half of the holidays.”

“It’s only been a few days,” he corrected with a laugh. Remus spent a handful of hours alone during this last transformation, and his wolfy-side definitely took the boredom out on himself. But James also had a theory about why the matron insisted on keeping him in the Hospital Wing for so long. “Since he’s the only one in there, I think Madam Pomfrey is holding him hostage to prevent Dumbledore from hounding her about going to see her extended family for the remainder of the holidays. From what Rem’s overheard, she’s not too thrilled with them lately.” And Remus was such a stand-up bloke, of course he'd indulge her.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Regulus said, offering him a shy smile. “But I must be off… I’ll see you later?”

Later that afternoon, Regulus surreptitiously observed from the opposite end of the corridor as Sirius left the Hospital Wing; there was a large stack of envelopes tucked under his arm, and he muttered distractedly to himself as he power-walked towards the staircase. Worried his brother would double back to grab a forgotten item, Regulus waited a full ten minutes before entering the ward.

He hadn’t told Potter about this part of his plan - he didn’t think the Gryffindor Golden Boy would be too enthused over the idea of his other best mate being threatened warned.

“Hi, Regulus,” Lupin greeted him from his hospital bed. He looked tired, but alert, his transformation into a werewolf once a month undoubtedly taking a heavy toll on his body. Not that Regulus was supposed to know that, but well… he’s not an idiot. “Everything alright?”

He’d always gotten along better with Lupin than he had with his brother’s other two friends.

The lack of connection between Regulus and Pettigrew was easy to explain - they had little in common. There might perhaps be a chance that Pettigrew was slightly terrified of him, a fear that Regulus did not actively encourage because he secretly found it to be hilarious. That would be abhorrent.

Per usual, like everything that involved Potter, their ‘relationship’ was infinitely more complex.

From the first mention of ‘James Potter’ in the letter Sirius sent him after his not-all-that-shocking sorting, Regulus had deeply resented his brother’s best mate, a feeling that lasted until sometime near the end of his own first year, when he finally came to accept that Potter wasn’t replacing him in his brother’s life… then, all that was left was a mortifying crush, which Sirius loved to tease him about whenever they were alone (he despised how his brother could read him so easily). Before this year, back when Sirius’s name was still on the Black family tapestry, Mother and Father were adamant that Regulus needed to spend as little time as possible with his wayward sibling; if they wanted to talk face-to-face, they had to sneak around, which was massively inconvenient. Now that Regulus’s risk of disownment was nearly zero following Sirius’s exodus from Grimmauld Place, he’s having a much more difficult time avoiding James Potter, who’s always there.

Things with Lupin were so much easier.

First and foremost, Lupin was exceptionally intelligent. He was always happy to partake in discussions with Regulus, whether the topic was serious in nature or completely inane, it did not matter. People had a strange tendency to label Sirius as ‘talkative’ and Regulus as ‘quiet’… Regulus was quiet in the sense that he spoke softly - but with a quality conversation partner, Regulus could talk just as much as his brother, if not more.

But within that same letter Sirius sent him after being sorted into Gryffindor, Regulus sensed a difference in how his brother wrote about Potter/Pettigrew, versus how he wrote about Lupin; by that Christmas, Regulus was convinced his brother was head over heels for the latter (it took Sirius until he was a third-year to realize his feelings… such fun that had been, not. Thankfully, before either of them left for Hogwarts, they’d already gone through the, ‘Reggie, I think I might be gay’... ‘Sirius, I know I’m gay’ drama). Before they'd ever met, Lupin was mentally categorized as ‘off limits’, so Regulus was able to be his full, unapologetic self whenever they were together - he did not particularly care if Lupin thought him weird. Regulus was weird... Lupin was also weird. It worked.

However, they weren’t on the sort of terms where Regulus would be visiting Lupin in the Hospital Wing… especially considering how often he’s in there (monthly, cuz ya know, werewolf)… unless he was on the brink of death.

“You’ll be in attendance at this soiree my brother and Potter are throwing, right?” Regulus asked without preamble. Lupin had never seemed bothered by his preference for skipping over the small talk and getting right to the point.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” The Gryffindor side-eyed Madam Pomfrey’s closed office door. “Even if I need to make a break for it, I’ll be there.”

“Good,” Regulus sighed, not sure if he was actually relieved or not. On one hand, Lupin was superb company, but on the other… if he wasn’t there, then Sirius couldn’t completely make a fool out of himself, thus forcing his brother to murder their mutual friend.

“You didn’t come all the way up here to ask me that, I’d wager.”

Ah, yes, the drawback of hanging around people who were intelligent.

“I have always spent New Year's with my family,” Regulus hesitantly began. “My friends, however, claim there is a tradition amongst our generation where when the clock strikes midnight, people are expected to share a kiss with someone. To not do so portends to a year of loneliness.”

Lupin continued to stare calmly at him - it was highly unnerving. “I have heard that, but personally, I don’t put much stock into superstitions.”

Must be nice!

“My brother does.”

And so do I.

Ha! That garnered a reaction… granted, Lupin was now biting his lip, very resolutely not meeting Regulus’s eyes, and for all intents and purposes, looked like someone just kicked his crup out of a window and straight into the Black Lake.

“I’m sure Sirius will have no trouble finding a willing partner.”

Merlin, these two really were hopeless, weren’t they?

“You know my brother is somehow more reckless than usual when he’s in his cups! What happens when his drunk mind decides he wants to go further than a snog?”

Although the idea clearly troubled Lupin, he shrugged. “I suppose he’ll have a good start to the New Year -”

“He will not! Snogging is one thing, but two drunk people should really not be engaging in other activities of a similar nature. That leads to SO many moral quandaries.”

Lupin nodded, and yet… “I don’t think he’d appreciate the interference.”

“I don’t care -”

“But you’re right. And for what it’s worth, I’d intervene.”

The Slytherin deflated. “Thank you.”

“Any particular reason for this current topic?”

Ha, if only you knew, Lupin, if only you knew.

Something needed to be said in response, and while this probably wasn’t something that should be shared with the bloke his brother fancied, a little guilt trip never hurt anyone. “The Hogwarts gossip vine has fabricated a rather… tarty reputation for my brother, but there is nothing he guards as closely as his virginity.” Regulus failed to suppress his shudder at the ghastly topic, why must I do these sorts of things to myself, ugh. “Sirius is a diehard romantic, so he’s saving it for someone he loves… I profusely apologize for unloading such sensitive information on you, and I’d greatly appreciate it if you kept this conversation strictly between us. I just thought it imperative for you to know the backstory, so you’d understand the full gravity of the dilemma at hand.”

Lupin’s eyes narrowed. “Dilemma at hand?”

f*ck.

“Potential dilemma at hand… sorry, my anxiety always goes to ‘worst case scenario’, and it can be easy to forget that nothing has happened yet.”

Oh, thank Salazar, he bought it.

“Trust me, I understand completely.”

Regulus absentmindedly twirled his wand between his fingers, pleased to see it release a few bright green sparks. “I must confess, I would not react kindly to learning that someone took advantage of my inebriated brother, even if he seemed willing at the time.” His eyes locked firmly on Lupin’s. “Were a person to commit such a heinous act, I would not hesitate to permanently remove them from this world at my earliest convenience.”

Lupin… he was a curious one, wasn’t he? He met Regulus’s eyes with a calm, unyielding determination. “And I would help you.”

“Splendid.” With a swish of his wand, a bar of Honeyduke’s Best Chocolate floated out of his bag. “Want half?”

“If I ever say no to chocolate, you should know right away it’s an imposter.”

Regulus broke it in two, giving the larger piece to the older Gryffindor. They chatted for a while longer, but right as Regulus was preparing to leave, Lupin brought up the New Year’s party again.

“So, do you have your eye on anyone?” he asked, his casual tone juxtaposed with the way he intently watched Regulus for a reaction. “One kiss for an entire year’s worth of luck... personally, it sounds too good to be true.”

Regulus felt his cheeks warming. “Er… no. Haven’t given it any thought really. Because you're right, way too good to be true.”

That was a lie, and he could tell Lupin knew it was a lie.

“Well, I’m sure whichever girl you choose -”

“Bloke,” Regulus blurted out, covering his mouth with his hand when he realized what he said. Very few people knew - Barty, Evan, Pandora, Dorcas, and Sirius. Lupin evidently had an excellent poker face (an expression based on a Muggle card game a Halfblood Slytherin taught everyone in their house a few years ago); it's possible Sirius already told him, or worse, he worked it out for himself. Or maybe he just... didn't care? Wasn't fussed by it? “I’m… um, I’m gay. Which I’m sure you already figured based on what I just said -”

“I won’t tell,” Lupin cut in, smiling slightly when Regulus exhaled all at once. “Promise.”

“Thank you.”

“To amend my earlier comment, I’m sure whichever bloke you choose, if you decide to go along with the silly tradition, would be honored. And I apologize for assuming, that was wrong of me.”

After a few more minutes of polite small talk, Regulus left the Hospital Wing feeling vaguely unsettled. He trusted Lupin to keep his secret, he’s not worried on that front. He’s also satisfied his warning was accurately conveyed about what would happen to anyone, Lupin included, who messed with Sirius… but he had the distinct impression Lupin wasn’t threatened in the slightest.

Chapter 3: Epiphany

Chapter Text

“Oi, Marls, you want us to deal you in?” Sirius called from his spot in front of the fire. Too busy looking at the Muggle card deck in his hands, he failed to notice her shocked expression… James would bet his sizable collection of magical figurines (which were not dolls, no matter what his git of a best mate claimed) that he knew exactly what she was thinking. “You’re the only one who can beat Remus with some degree of consistency.”

Joining the three sixth-year boys at the coffee table they commandeered for their pre-party poker game, she gazed around the sparsely populated Common Room with a frown. “Did I mix up the time? Wait, oh f*ck, lemme guess... it not New Year’s Eve, is it?”

“It is New Year’s Eve, and you are fifteen minutes early,” James responded, checking his watch before Sirius could ask, again. His best mate staunchly refused to wear anything that clashed with his outfit, even if it meant repeatedly asking him the time (Remus refused to answer after the first instance, having deemed Sirius ‘perfectly capable of casting a Tempus Charm’).

The three Marauders spent part of the afternoon setting up the Common Room. All of the furniture was moved to the side, except for the coffee table they were currently using - they’d move that later, when people were ready to hit the dance floor. There was a table just for drinks, and another for food. The house elves really outdid themselves, going above and beyond what was requested. There were platters upon platters of cookies, cakes (already cut into pieces for easy serving), brownies, crackers, cheese, pretzels, various meats, a bunch of fancy sweets James couldn’t name for the life of him, a tray of sliced vegetables and fruit. Most of the alcohol was still stashed in their room; the drinks table currently only had mixers and a lone bottle of vodka on it.

Naturally, Sirius had ignored his mates’ arguments that no one would care about the Common Room being decorated. And while James still firmly believed that was true, he could admit Sirius did a fantastic job. The color palette was predominantly gold, silver, and white; the normal Gryffindor decorations had been covered by tasteful Happy New Year’s banners, streamers, or neutral, non-Hogwarts affiliated paintings. The torches had been extinguished, the room illuminated by a mix of fairy lights, a crackling fire, and the opulent crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling, which Sirius ‘rescued from someone who didn't appreciate her beauty’. An abundance of sparkly gold and silver balloons floated around the room, all of which were charmed to be unpoppable… at least until midnight, when they’d rise to the ceiling and burst, allowing the confetti/glitter inside to rain down on the partygoers. Sirius had charmed his record player to play an alternating mix of Muggle and Wizarding music - James had never ‘noped’ out of a discussion so quickly in his life when Sirius and Remus sat down to create the playlist for the party (they made it to Draft #12 before finally agreeing it was ‘adequate’).

Sirius passed the deck to Marlene when she held her hand out. “Even if you’re the one who organized the party, you’re always at least an hour late,” she said while expertly shuffling the cards, ha, I knew that’s why she was surprised, Merlin, I’m so smart. “And here you are, dressed and ready to go… what gives?”

Despite the fact that it was the middle of winter in Scotland, Sirius was wearing a bright red crop top and skintight black jeans that hung low on his hips, a perfect outfit for someone who wanted to flaunt their new bellybutton piercing. Tonight’s jewelry of choice - a curved barbell with a ruby bead on each end, complete with a dangling crescent moon charm. Sirius’s long hair was gathered into a bun at the base of his neck, held in place by two silver hair sticks that just so happened to turn into knives when the wearer activated a charm (James had once asked why that was even a thing, leading Regulus to counter with, ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’... he didn’t have an answer for that). A few strands were left loose to frame his aristocratic face, curled with the help of Sleekeazy's, a hair potion that James’s family was famous for inventing. Sirius finished his look with a silver hoop in his lip and a simple pair of star earrings James was sure cost a fortune.

Compared to his fashion conscious friend, James felt massively underdressed in his dark blue, long-sleeved Henley and form fitting jeans. He couldn’t really complain too much though, having politely declined Sirius’s offer to ‘style’ him - he didn’t want to spend the entire night uncomfortable in whatever getup his best mate shoved him into. Earlier in the evening, James spent a disgusting amount of time taming his wild hair with massive amounts of Sleekeazy's, only for Sirius to have a conniption when he walked into the lavatory; he then proceeded to ruin all of James’s hard work by literally shoving him into the shower, ‘Mate, no no no, the slightly-disheveled, I-woke-up-like-this hairstyle WORKS for you. Sweet Merlin you look like a pillock with tidy, coiffed hair… please, for the love of everything we hold dear, never do this to me again, I beg you.’

“Just very happy to ring in the New Year,” Sirius evasively responded, focusing his gaze on his cards. “Plus, Petey wasn’t here to hog the shower or the mirror, so it made getting ready quicker.”

Remus scoffed at the outrageous lie, lightly swatting Sirius’s arm when the shorter boy grinned ruefully. “Don’t bad mouth Peter when he’s not here… besides, no one in this Tower would ever believe such tripe.”

Her question unanswered, Marlene turned to James, who mouthed ‘Regulus’.

He was pretty sure Regulus would be attending his brother’s ‘soiree’, but he couldn’t very well go and tell Sirius that, now, could he? Remus also seemed confident that the younger Slytherin would make an appearance, but he urged James not to get Sirius’s hopes up ‘just in case’.

Seven o’clock rolled around, and Sirius’s lively mood took a sharp nosedive when there was no sign of his brother.

“He’s a Black,” James murmured, ignoring Remus’s warning glare over his cards. “Pretty sure it’s against the Black Bylaws to arrive anywhere on time. And besides, no one actually shows up on time unless they’re trying to get hammered.”

“Cheers,” Marlene laughed, raising her drink.

Sirius forced a smile. “I’m not fussed about it, Jamie.” Everyone could tell that was a lie, but they let it slide. “However, I would like to point out that while my brother is rarely ever rebellious, he vehemently refuses to abide by that specific guideline. According to Regulus, ‘punctuality is paramount and to be late is to set a negative tone for the remainder of the engagement’.”

Marlene gasped. “Wait, the Black Bylaws are actually written down somewhere?” She shared a delighted look with James. Over the years, they’d referenced the sacred ‘Black Bylaws’ while taking the piss, but they assumed they’d made it up.

“Of course -”

A commotion at the portrait hole interrupted his explanation. Perking up at the noise, Sirius skipped over to the entrance to investigate; he made it halfway there before the portrait swung open to reveal the exact person he had hoped it to be.

“REGGIE!”

Regulus’s dour demeanor brightened considerably at the childhood nickname (James learned the hard way that Regulus and Sirius were both steadfast in their absolution that only Sirius was allowed to call his younger brother ‘Reggie’).

“Siri!” The youngest Black didn’t run, but he did quicken his pace. Weirder, when Sirius wrapped him in a bear hug and spun him around before gently placing him back on his feet, there wasn’t a single complaint heard. “Apologies for my tardiness, but I confess to underestimating the distance from the dungeons to the seventh floor.” His lips dropped into a frown that James had no other choice but to label as ‘cute’. “And then Elizabeth didn’t want to let me in, even though I had the password.”

“Is that the Fat Lady’s real name?” James whispered to Remus, his go-to source for all things Hogwarts.

The werewolf shrugged. “I guess so. But hey, does he uh… seem a bit off to you?”

“Regulus?” Marlene grinned. “Must have pregamed.” James hummed in agreement, having never seen Regulus smile like that, even after winning a difficult Quidditch game

Wish he’d smile at me like that…

Taking his brother’s hand, Sirius led him to the coffee table. “I’ll have a word with her in a bit. Can’t have her turning away my brother of all people!”

“Is this everyone you invited?” Regulus asked; there was no mistaking the hopefulness in his tone.

Sirius snorted. “Course not… budge over James.”

Regulus gracefully sat beside him, and James willed himself not to blush at the Slytherin’s conspiring wink.

You’re being silly, he internally reprimanded himself. It’s just Sirius’s baby brother, no one to get all gooey over.

He’s not really a baby anymore though, is he? James’s treacherous thoughts pointed out. Especially seeing how he’s almost as tall as you, for Merlin’s sake!

“As much as I appreciate your timeliness, brother, I must acknowledge that very few people ever arrive at the exact designated hour.”

“Yeah?” Wow, who knew so much skepticism could be packed into a single word? “I don’t believe you.”

“And by ‘very few people’,” Remus clarified, “Sirius means pretty much no one, himself included.”

Regulus’s lips parted in surprise. “What about a party he organized?!”

“He is extra tardy to a party he organized,” James responded, enjoying the younger’s absolutely aghast expression at the news. “By at least an hour and a half.”

“Disgraceful,” the Slytherin muttered to no one in particular.

“I will benevolently ignore this vile defamation of my character, and instead ask if I can make you a drink, little brother?” When Regulus replied in the affirmative, Sirius bustled off to the drinks table.

“Your friends didn’t want to come?” James wasn’t the only one who frowned at the Slytherin’s put-out expression.

“We got in a tiff, actually -”

“About what?” Sirius growled, carefully placed a plastic golden chalice in front of his brother, having turned his nose up at the standard clear cups they usually used at events. “We’ve got some time before things really get going, I can go have a few words with them.”

“I’ll come too,” James said, flexing the fingers of his wand hand. He really hoped that Fenwick bloke was involved.

“That will be quite unnecessary, thank you. It is not a big deal.” Chugging half of his drink, when Regulus spoke again, his voice was quieter than it had been. “They said I was being silly for wanting to arrive at seven, despite that being the bloody time on your invitation.”

“Not silly, just means you get first dibs on the food, drinks, and…” Sirius’s face lit up. “Ooh, can I dress you, pretty please, Reggie?”

“I’m already -”

Sirius grimaced. “You’re really not.”

“That’s rather unkind, brother.”

“Reggie, come on, those aren’t even dress robes, it’s like you didn’t even try -”

“Mate, that is unkind,” James gruffly interjected.

“... because you knew I’d offer to dress you regardless of what you wore, so why waste your time picking something out? And that’s perfectly valid, Reg, just stop being obstinate.”

“Ugh, the irony of you saying that to anyone.” With a sigh, Regulus quickly finished his drink. “Fine, but I get final say.”

The room’s occupants collectively flinched at the shrillness of Sirius’s delighted squeal, who then wasted no time in dragging his brother up the stairs.

“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of a party?” Marlene laughed, sipping her drink.

“Oi, Potter, the vodka is gone!” one of the Prewett twins called fifteen minutes later from the drinks table. “Please tell me this isn’t the only adult beverage you smuggled in, yeah?”

“You’re lucky Sirius isn’t here to hear such slander, who do you take us for?!” Checking the time, James decided it was probably safe to bring out a larger portion of their stash. “Be right back, lads.”

“I’ll help!” Marlene chirped, throwing down her cards. “You win, Remus.”

“Excellent, excellent, great game, everyone.” James found it funny how Remus always looked more excited by winning chocolate than he ever did winning money. “And that’s quite nice of you to volunteer to help, Marlene. I’m sure it has nothing to do with wanting first dibs on the goods.”

She smirked. “Like you wouldn’t if it was a hoard of chocolate? Mostly, I just want to see what Siri is doing to his poor baby brother.”

Pressing his ear to the door, James couldn’t hear anything besides the low murmur of voices - Sirius had a habit of playing music while he was getting ready, usually at an obnoxious volume that prevented him from hearing anyone trying to talk to him - but James knocked loudly just to be safe. “It’s me! Are you both decent? Marlene is with me.”

He didn’t get a verbal response, but the door swung open, so he figured it was safe to enter.

Whelp, wrong!

“Sorry, sorry, oh my… I’m so sorry.” Hurriedly spinning back around, the sight of Regulus’s pale, unblemished skin made his ears burn. He placed a hand over Marlene’s eyes when he noticed her trying to peek around his frame. “The door just opened, so I assumed it was safe -” She smacked his hand off her face with an amused huff.

"You're both fine." Regulus walked back into his line of sight, still shirtless. “Siri, where did you put those boots that I said I wanted to borrow?”

Sweet Merlin have mercy, who bends over like that to rummage through a shoe rack?!

“Floor by my nightstand!” came Sirius’s muffled voice as he dug through the depths of his armoire.

Feeling faint, James was secretly grateful when Marlene took the initiative to place her hand over his eyes… but he almost jumped out of his skin when something delicately trailed across the expanse of his midsection, and James sensed someone, Regulus, moving to stand behind him, and then the fingers were curling around his waist in a firmer, more possessive grip, and a husky voice that definitely didn’t belong to a girl was whispering directly into his ear, “I don’t mind if you look.”

James gulped.

Regulus’s warm breath ghosted across the sensitive skin of his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “In fact, I’d prefer it.”

What is happening, what is happening , what is he doing to me, this is a prank, it’s gotta be, either he’s pranking me, or he’s drunker than previously believed… or both… keep it together, Potter, you’re a Marauder for Merlin’s-sake! No prank, drunk or not, should cause you this much turmoil!

“Unless… unless you don’t want to?”

The dip in confidence of Regulus’s voice distressed James more than any other aspect of whatever this was.

“I mean, m-maybe? Yeah? I don’t… I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say, Reg.”

Marlene finally dropped her hand back down, and of course the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was her gobsmacked expression.

“Oh, there’s no need to apologize, sunshine. I can work with ‘maybe’.”

Sunshine?

Oh Godric, okay, this is fine, everything is fine.

“Did you find them?” Sirius asked, startling the three of them.

Fingers gently squeezed his waist. Then, Regulus stepped away, leaving James with the inexplicable feeling that something was missing.

“Remember the mission,” Marlene hummed, patting him on the shoulder as she passed.

“Did you escort James here so I could style him, Marls?! Please say yes.”

“I sure -”

“Did not!” James loudly finished.

“Sorry, starlight of my life.” Standing in front of the two drink crates they piled onto Peter’s desk, Marlene beckoned James over - she knew better than to touch something of ‘value’ in their dorm. “I tried, I really did.”

“Your services are acknowledged and greatly appreciated,” Sirius said, before turning his attention back to his brother.

James made quick work of removing the wards. “Have at it, love.”

“Cheers, mate.”

Leaving her to it, James began tidying his nightstand in order to eavesdrop on the Black brothers’ argument.

“These are way too tight, Siri,” Regulus groused, standing in front of his brother’s full length mirror.

Sirius tugged on one of the belt loops. “Nuh uh, look at all this extra room. You could fit your whole hand in here!” Regulus met James’s gaze in the mirror, and the Gryffindor suppressed a shudder at the sensual look he received, you need your eyesight reexamined, Potter, or perhaps a sanity check because Regulus Black is not flirting with you, stop being delusional! “Besides, they make your arse look nice, how could you pass that up?!”

“Ah yes, the sole attribute I look for in clothing - how does it make my arse look?”

“Those robes you were wearing make you look shapeless, Reggie,” Sirius continued, ignoring his brother’s snark, “but you’ve got a body you should be proud of.” He sighed wearily. “Wish I was as skinny as you. I’d kill for your metabolism.”

James tensed at the flippant remark, wary to hear how Regulus would respond. Among the Blacks, Sirius was built differently, both internally and externally. Most of his relatives were tall and slender, whereas Sirius was shorter, broader, and stockier. But the other Blacks were the weird ones; compared to the blokes in their year, Sirius was taller than average, and while he wasn’t as brawny as James, he was definitely more muscular than a majority of their peers.

Except to Sirius, none of that seemed to matter. Earlier in the semester, he sulked for a week when someone offhandedly remarked that his brother was now taller than him… even though he already knew! There was also that dreadful three-week period in fourth year when Sirius decided he was ‘fat’ and needed to ‘lose twenty pounds, like yesterday’. Of course, his friends all stressed that it was unnecessary, but Sirius being Sirius, wouldn’t be swayed. After a few days of watching him eat the bare minimum, the other Marauders waited until he was off visiting his brother to hold an emergency meeting. Either because of the werewolf-thing or the giant-swot-thing, Remus was extensively knowledgeable about nutrition. He found some books in the library that weren’t ‘capitalistic diet culture rubbish’, and James did a crash course on the subject; in the meantime, Peter surreptitiously dumped nutrition potions into Sirius’s tea once a day. To support their friend’s desire to be healthier, Remus contrived an entire month-long meal plan for each Marauder that would ensure they consumed the optimal amount of calories, vitamins, minerals, and macronutrients to reach their individual goals. Inspired by the Muggle books Mrs. Lupin sent per her son’s request, James drafted a daily exercise routine he enforced with an iron fist… needless to say, Sirius was quick to conclude that ‘dieting isn’t for me lads, I’m beautiful as is’.

Regulus made a face. “Brother, why on earth would you want to be built like me? Do you know how hard it is for me to put on muscle, or weight in general? I’d be sh*t out of luck if there was an apocalypse!” His expression turned thoughtful. “Mmm, wait… not too upset about that part.”

“Er… why wouldn't you want to survive?”

“I don’t even have the will to live after the smallest of inconveniences, Potter, why would I go out of my way to stay alive in harsh, world-ending conditions?”

“So valid,” Marlene laughed.

“You’re plenty muscular, Reg,” Sirius said, patting his brother’s bare stomach. “Which is good, cuz you’re not allowed to die if I’m still alive, it’s forbidden. Now here, try it with a belt.” Allowing himself a quick peek at Regulus’s well-defined abdominal muscles, James silently agreed with his best mate’s assessment of the younger Slytherin’s physique. “Ooh, ooooh, I have the best idea ever!” He glared at James and Marlene. “But you two have to go, it’s a surprise.”

Marlene held up a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky. “Shots for good luck?”

“This is why Marlene is our favorite bird,” Sirius ‘whispered’ to his brother, while draping a blanket over his shoulders… James was secretly grateful, it would do no good for Regulus to catch a cold right before the new semester started! “Actually, she’s our favorite non-Marauder… don’t make that face, Reggie, you’re my brother. You outrank everyone.”

Generally, all Blacks seemed to be experts at hiding their emotions, but tipsy-Regulus clearly struggled at it - his surprise was clear to everyone.

“I’m a close second, though, yeah?” James winked at the Slytherin, only to be left mildly offended when Sirius made a noncommittal noise at his question. “Oi, you slag, you’re putting Remus ahead of me?!”

Sirius smacked four shot glasses onto Peter’s desk and snootily lifted his nose in the air. “The Marauders are ranked together as one. How could you expect me to pick a favorite?”

“Easily!” James cried, secretly pleased when he heard Regulus’s amused snort. “You’re my favorite, Moons and Wormy both know that.”

Marlene poured a generous amount of alcohol into each glass. “Well, Peter is my favorite. We have snack parties every few weeks and talk sh*t about everyone while coloring.”

“Tough luck, Prongs,” Sirius said. “Guess you’ll have to be Reg’s favorite… after his awesome big brother, of course.”

Regulus smirked. “Do I have another sibling I’m unaware of?”

“Oi!”

“Well, in that case, Regulus is my favorite,” James harrumphed. “Since the Marauder’s count as one and all, they can hold second place.”

“Aw, Jamie, don't be like that, I’m sure you’re Peter’s -”

Marlene loudly cleared her throat. “Can we focus, please? It’s drinking time, you can finish your ranking system later… also, Remus is Peter’s favorite.”

“That does not surprise me,” James sighed.

The younger Slytherin patted his hand consolingly, though they both startled at the spark his touch sent through James, literally.

“What should we toast to?” Sirius asked, unaware of what just transpired.

“To finding love in the new year,” Marlene suggested with an innocent tone.

“Didn’t know I was partying with Hufflepuffs,” Regulus grumbled, but compliantly echoed the toast with the others.

Only downing half his shot, Sirius coughed. “That’s vile.” He rifled around in the crate and pulled out a container of pumpkin juice, then dumped the remainder of his shot and a decent amount of extra Firewhisky into a plastic goblet. “Ooh, much better.” Personally, James was skeptical, but to each their own and all that.

“Alright, let’s get a move on, Jamie-boy,” Marlene ordered with a playful leer, pressing the crate into his chest. “Be a gentleman and put those muscles to good use.”

“James lives to serve the Noble and Most Ancient House of Gryffindor,” he intoned in a gravelly voice, mimicking the Blacks’ house elf, who he had the misfortune of meeting once at King’s Cross Station.

Sirius laughed uproariously at his impersonation, but Regulus’s eyes narrowed. Fortunately, the Slytherin was distracted when his brother lightly smacked his shoulder, ordering him to undress since he’d ‘found the perfect outfit’.

Gray eyes locked on hazel. Without looking away, Regulus shrugged the blanket off his shoulders, then began unbuckling his belt. In the center of the room, James was frozen, unable to move, so much pale, unmarked skin, and those hip bones, oh Merlin… is this what a vampire’s enthrall feels like? Regulus’s tongue peeked out between his lips, wetting the bottom one, and it was hard to hear anything over the ringing in his ears, but James swore there was an audible pop when he undid the button of his trousers. The zipper inched down, slowly, so slowly, why are you still watching, look away, look awayyy.

James jumped when Marlene suddenly smacked his arse.

“Oi, let’s go, Potter, or our housemates will soon be breaking down the door!”

“Right, sorry, er… coming!” Swiveling around, he almost tripped over his feet when Regulus mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘not yet, I hope'. “Siri, can you put the wards back on the second crate, please? We’ll save that for later, okay, kiss kiss, bye.”

“James, hang back a min, yeah?”

f*ck f*ck f*ck, he’s going to kill me, isn’t he? Godric, what is wrong with me lately?! I can’t even be mad about it, because he has every right to be ticked off. I am having indecent thoughts about his brother, that’s utterly despicable, vile, the lowest of lows, how could I betray him in such a way -

James made an affirmative noise but didn’t turn around. His heart skipped several beats when he heard the unmistakable sound of a pair of trousers landing on the ground.

Placing a hand on his back, Sirius guided him out of the dorm and into the hallway. With a pitying look, Marlene carefully removed the crate from his arms and headed downstairs, her entrance garnering delighted cheers from dozens of people.

A sense of foreboding raced through James’s veins when his best mate immediately began casting a series of privacy charms. Bracing himself, he nervously asked, “Is everything okay?”

Sirius continued to stare silently at him, only snapping out of his thoughts when James poked him in the tummy, knowing how ticklish his friend was. “Can you do me a favor tonight?”

“Course, mate.”

“Will you help me keep an eye on Reg?” Sirius’s eyes flickered over his shoulder, towards the door leading back into their dorm. “I get the feeling Fenwick isn’t the only one who’s going to try and get his grubby paws on my brother tonight.”

Is he hinting at something, or is this completely unrelated to whatever the f*ck just happened?

“Er… like in a violent way or romantic way?”

His friend looked deeply troubled. “Romantic to start, but who knows how it’ll turn when Regulus rebuffs them? You know how irrational blokes can be, even without alcohol!”

“What if… but what if someone hits on Regulus, and he’s into it?” James winced at the glare he received, but he plowed on. “What should I do then?”

“Chase them away, obviously. He’ll thank you tomorrow, I’m certain.”

James highly doubted that, but alas. “What about at midnight?”

“If he’s amiable, you could kiss him,” Sirius shrugged. “Assuming you want to, that is.”

A test, this is a test! his brain screamed.

Deciding to play it safe, James lightly shoved his friend’s shoulder. “Can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“I am not joking.” There was an unusual seriousness in Sirius’s voice, and while he didn’t sound upset, his eyes scanned James’s face. “Jamie, I am neither blind nor oblivious, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.”

Say something, good gracious, don’t just stand there, you buffoon!

“I… think we’ve both just had a bit more to drink than -”

Sirius rolled his eyes so hard, it must have hurt. “Not just tonight. Throughout this year, at least… and you’re not going to believe me because I know how you are, but Reg can hold his alcohol.”

“I’m gonna assume there’s a story there.”

“Let’s just say sweet little Regulus excels at conning his older relatives into feeling sorry for him at social events, and they become quite amiable to sneaking him adult beverages.” Sirius lightly flicked James in the forehead. “Do not change the subject.”

Did he look at Regulus in any sort of romantic way?

Okay… this year, they’d already spent more time together than all the years prior, and perhaps by the second week of September, James might have noticed that Regulus was rather pretty, ridiculously pretty if we’re gonna be honest about it, and he was super easy to spend time with, if one didn’t take his snarky quips to heart, and the way his eyes lit up when he was talking about something he was passionate about, like Quidditch, or that vampire book series he’s obsessed with, and he… oh dear.

His palms felt clammy, Sirius is going to kill you if you mess this up, proceed with caution, proceed with caution! “I’m sorry if I overstepped, mate, but I swear nothing has happened, I’d never do that to you, Marauder’s honor, and… and anyways, Regulus is straight -”

“Is he?” Sirius asked with that annoying mysterious smile that James hated, because it meant his friend knew something, or possibly multiple somethings, that he didn’t. “Are you not?”

“You know I’m not.”

They’d talked about James’s attraction to blokes and birds several times before. Remus still broke into fits of giggles whenever he randomly thought about the moment in third year when James learned that no, it was not ‘standard’ to be attracted to both genders, and no, people don’t just pick if they wanted to be gay or straight. How was James supposed to know that bisexuality was a thing?! Before then, no one had said anything! (to this day, Remus swore it was James’s expressions that sent him into stitches, not anything else).

“I know, I know, I’m just teasing, Prongsie. I’d never want to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, especially when my brother is involved. But for what it’s worth, and I mean this in a general sense, not just tonight… if Regulus must be in a relationship with anyone, you would be my first choice.” Sirius frowned. “Oof, wait, that’s misleading. You’d be my only choice. No one is good enough for my brother, but you’re pretty darn close.”

“Wow, thanks,” James drawled, placing a hand on his heart. “You sure know how to make a bloke feel special.”

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it when they heard someone climbing the stairs.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Lily said, two rosy splotches forming on her cheeks when she spotted them staring at her. “I was just… um, wondering if you… either of you… wanted to play poker with a few others?”

“I’ll be down in a sec,” James responded when the privacy charms were lifted, flashing her a bright smile to make up for the way Sirius was peering disinterestedly down at her - they hadn’t always gotten along, but Sirius had warmed up to her a bit this year… until now, at least. “You can deal me in, but Siri’s helping his brother get ready.”

They waited until the sound of her footsteps faded before speaking again.

“Well,” Sirius said, clapping James on the shoulder. His smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. “Looks like she’s finally coming around to the ole Potter charms, aye? Don’t worry about Reggie, drunk-Sirius can multitask.”

“Don’t be daft, mate. I’d love to hangout with Regulus, if he’s amiable.”

That stupid mysterious smile made another reappearance. “Oh, he’s amiable.”

Chapter 4: New Arrivals

Chapter Text

“f*cking hell,” was the only warning James got when the Black brothers made their dramatic entrance an hour later.

He was sitting next to Remus, their backs to the fireplace, giving them an excellent view of the staircase… totally unintentional on their part, obviously. At least thirty people had arrived since Sirius went upstairs with Regulus, though most were just chatting and catching up with their friends from other houses.

James had time for one fleeting observation, oh, there’s Sirius’s first outfit change of the night, before his thoughts became an incoherent mess.

Regulus looked divine.

He was wearing a shimmery dark green top with an unzipped leather jacket - because they came from Sirius’s closet, the shirt was cropped, putting his sculpted abs on display. Regulus had also changed into a different pair of figure-hugging black jeans, these ones with fashionable rips in the knees. It looked like a splash of product was added to his hair, giving Regulus’s natural curls an extra silky shine.

“Hi, erm… again,” James said stupidly when Regulus wiggled his way into the small space between him and Lily. He must be wearing some sort of lip makeup - no one’s lips were naturally that red, right? “You… umm, look nice. Very nice.”

“You don’t think it’s a bit much?” Regulus fiddled with the zipper of his jacket. “My brother wanted me to ditch the jacket, but I convinced him not all of us were comfortable walking around half naked.”

An image flashed through James’s mind, of Regulus staring him dead in the eye as he slowly removed his clothing.

… interesting.

Loyalty to his best friend was the only thing that kept James from pointing out that if anyone’s outfit was ‘too much’ it would be Sirius’s (which was surely done on purpose). He still donned the same low cut black jeans, lip ring, belly button ring, and earrings, but instead of the crop top, he was wearing a black and crimson lace-up corset that covered ⅓ of his torso, at most. To complete the look, he added some eyeliner, lip gloss (Sirius’s lips were not that red or shiny naturally, of that James was certain), and a black choker with a ruby pendant in the center - it gave James the distinct impression of a collar.

“Not at all, you look beautiful, Regulus,” he said sincerely. “Even more so than usual.”

James was rewarded with a small smile and pink cheeks that somehow made him look even prettier.

“I didn’t get a chance to say it earlier,” the Slytherin purred in his ear, “but you look great too. Navy really suits you.”

Heart thudding in his chest, how the f*ck does he smell even better than he looks? James struggled to keep his voice even. “Wish I could take credit, but Siri bought this shirt for me for Christmas.”

Then, Regulus placed a hand on his knee, and James had to forcefully remind himself to breathe. “I’ll have to give him my thanks. But um, just curious, though… what happened to your glasses?” His lips dropped into a pout. “I bet you think I look alright because you can’t even see me.”

James snorted. “Trust me, Reg, I can see you just fine. You see… heh, no pun instead… Muggles have these things called ‘contacts’, which are -”

“I know what contacts are, Potter.”

“Er… right.” How the f*ck does he know about contacts? “Anyways, putting things into my eyeballs is kinda freaky, so I only do it for special occasions -”

They both jumped when someone wrapped their knuckles on the table.

“I’ve been calling your name for like five minutes!” Sirius griped, waving the deck of cards in his hand as explanation. “Wanna learn to play poker, Reggie? Maybe you can win back some of the money Moony has stolen from all of us.” He threw a scrunched-up drink napkin at Remus.

“Oh, so it’s my fault you have a dreadful poker face?” Remus sniffed, doing his best impression of a haughty Pureblood.

Taking the cards from his brother, Regulus expertly shuffled the deck. “I’m not a child, brother, I know how to play poker. Next year, as Narcissa will have graduated, I should finally be the reigning champion in Slytherin. And if I'm not...” His words trailed off ominously.

Every Gryffindor gaped at him in disbelief.

James recovered first. “Narcissa… your cousin, Narcissa Black… plays a Muggle card game?”

“Oh yes,” Regulus smirked, obviously enjoying rattling everyone. “Her and Andromeda couldn’t let Bella run the house competitions without any decent opposition, now, could they?”

“Now I know you’re having us on!” Sirius cried. “Absolutely no way I’m believing Bellatrix played a Muggle card game even once. Unless someone wants to admit to casting the Imperius Curse on her?”

“Ask them about it.” Regulus gestured towards a group that had just entered the portrait hole.

James stiffened, spotting that Fenwick bloke amongst them, and he shared a look with Sirius… they both winced when Remus ‘lightly’ kicked each of them under the table. “Do not,” was all he said.

Sirius, a strong-independent fella who’d never let anyone tell him what to do (or in this case, not do), rose smoothly to his feet. “Welcome, welcome!” Remus tried to grab his hand, but Sirius danced out of reach. “Just being a good host, Moony, promise.” He bustled off to greet the newcomers.

Regulus waved at his friends, but didn’t follow his brother.

“Enjoying the view?” James teased, wagging an eyebrow at the werewolf when he finally removed his gaze from Sirius’s backside.

His fellow-Marauder met his eyes with no trouble. “I was admiring the tattoos on his back… what were you looking at?”

It was James’s turn to blush because uh, what tattoos?

“He’d appreciate a compliment on either attribute.” A wave of relief rushed through James at the sight of Regulus smiling as he sipped his drink… wait, that’s my drink! “You know how he is.”

Remus inclined his head. “I’m assuming that’s your work?”

“Sure is, though not to fear, it’s only temporary -”

“Pity.”

“... temporary for now, at least,” Regulus chuckled, sliding James’s drink back to him with an innocent smile. “He’s hounded me at least once a week since September to sketch out some idea or another. So, it’s only a matter of time until it’s the real deal.”

“At least the chances of him ending up with something ghastly will be much lower if you’re the one doing the outline,” Remus pointed out.

The Slytherin sighed. “Which he takes great pleasure in reminding me every time I tell him to piss off because I have real work to do.”

“I didn’t know you could draw,” James muttered, squinting to get a better view of the intricate artwork on Sirius’s upper back. Shock, slash not, it was astronomy related, an aesthetic mix of stars, moons, and other space related images, all done in black ink. Merlin, no wonder why they were up there for so long. “How did I not know that?”

“You don’t actually know me, Potter,” Regulus said matter-of-factly.

The alcohol flowing through his veins loosened his tongue, James will stand by that claim until his dying day. “I wish I did, though.”

“Is that so?”

James nodded excitedly, then hastily took another sip because he wasn’t drunk enough to not be embarrassed by how visibly eager he was. “If you’re amiable, of course.”

There was a minute of silence where he desperately wished for the floor to swallow him up, until…

“I am amiable,” Regulus whispered, looking rather shy. It was a far cry from how he’d acted earlier in their dorm room. “That is, if you mean it tomorrow when you’re sober.”

“Drunk, sober, high, half-dead, asleep, or any state in between, I’d still mean it,” James said with conviction. “And for the record, I’ve hardly had anything to drink tonight. In fact, my last drink was mysteriously finished by someone else.”

The Slytherin’s eyes widened. “Oh dear, that’s ever so concerning.”

“Isn’t it?”

“You should contact the Aurors at once, Potter.”

“I’d like it if you called me ‘James’.”

Regulus’s nose scrunched up. “Ooh, not sure we’re quite there yet.” He stood up, then held a hand out. “Refill?”

James let Regulus help him up, his skin is so soft, I wonder if he also noticed that our hands fit together perfectly.

“So, how do we get on a first name basis?” he asked on their way to the drinks table. “Especially since I call you by yours… referring to you as ‘Black’ would be weird.”

An unwelcome voice chimed in before Regulus could respond.

“Good luck with that, Potter,” Fenwick snigg*red, coming up behind them and placing a hand on Regulus’sbarewaist. “We’ve been in the same study group for two years, and Regulus still calls me by my surname.”

“Probably because you’re a presumptuous twat,” James snapped. “You should consider yourself lucky he even speaks to you, intolerable as you are and all.”

Sirius appeared seemingly out of thin air, his face twisted up in a fierce scowl. “And because I’m feeling generous this evening, you may remain at this party, Fenwick. But if I see you putting your hands on my brother again,” he grabbed the Ravenclaw’s wrist; given the kid’s pained expression, James would wager a guess Sirius was probably digging his sharp fingernails into the exposed skin, “I will break every single one of your fingers repeatedly until I’m confident my message has sunk in. Am I understood?”

“I meant no disrespect!” Fenwick stammered, looking pleadingly at Regulus.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Regulus agreed, “but I’ve told you plenty of times I don’t like to be touched, and yet…”

The Ravenclaw nodded fearfully, mumbled an insincere apology, and scuttled away the second Sirius released him.

“Ah ah ah, I do not want to hear it!” Sirius growled when Regulus opened his mouth. “I know you can stick up for yourself, but sometimes people need to hear it from someone else to take the message to heart.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “For the record, I was going to say ‘thank you’.”

“Was all of that really necessary?” Remus asked, nudging James out of the way so he could make himself a new drink.

“Moonbeam!” Sirius cheered, ignoring the question entirely. “I missed you so much.” He lightly hip bumped Remus to the side. “Let me make you something yummy, you know it’s my specialty.”

The taller Gryffindor batted his hands away. “No, no, as much as I know you’ll make something tasty, it’ll also knock me on my arse without warning.”

“Isn’t that the point of a party?” a different voice asked with amusem*nt.

Regulus’s cry of “Barty!” sounded way too close to his brother’s delighted ‘Moonbeam!’ for James’s liking.

Crouch’s gaze swept up and down his friend’s frame. “Well well well, look who decided to get all dolled up tonight.”

“New year, new me,” Regulus said, twirling around. “What do you think?”

“We both know it’s not my opinion that -”

The youngest Black’s mood suddenly became despondent. “You hate it, don’t you? I knew it was too much, I should have trusted my gut.”

What James hated was how upset Regulus looked… and how much Crouch’s opinion seemed to matter to him.

Sirius clicked his tongue. “Now, there’s no need for dramatics, little brother.”

Remus and James exchanged an exasperated glance - talk about pot calling the kettle black.

“I’m gonna go change,” Regulus mumbled.

Cautiously, James grabbed his arm before he could walk away. “If I had to guess, Reg, I’d give Crouch the benefit of the doubt and say he only meant your opinion was what mattered.” The Slytherin in question hummed in confirmation. “Because you look bloody fantastic, the handsomest bloke here, no contest.”

“Now, let’s not start a brand new year off by lying to make someone feel better,” Sirius said with a forced smile, handing Regulus and James their drinks. “Handsome, yes, handsomest … mmm, bit of a stretch, methinks.”

Regulus’s demeanor brightened considerably. “You’re right, brother, lying is bad. So on that note, I’d like to amend my earlier comment about your outfit by adding that with the way you’re dressed tonight -”

“Watch yourself, Reg,” Sirius growled.

“You’d fit right in with the rent boys working in Knockturn Alley.”

Absolutely nobody was fooled by Remus masking his amusem*nt by turning it into a cough, though fortunately for James, Crouch’s loud cackle covered his peal of laughter.

Sirius’s jaw dropped at the insult. “I DO NOT LOOK LIKE… HOW DARE YOU!”

“Oh, don’t fret, Sir, I’m sure you’d be the handsomest there.”

“You’re damn right I would be!... wait.”

Crouch slung an arm over his friend’s shoulders. “You are SUCH a wanker, I f*cking love you, Reg. And you don’t need to fish for compliments from me, hun, you know I think you’re a knockout.”

Well… he wasn’t wrong, but James wasn’t all too keen on how Regulus preened under the praise.

Sirius silently assessed the taller Slytherin for a moment before offering to make him a drink.

“Hell yeah you can, Black!” Crouch reached out and poked Regulus’s cheek. “Would ya look at that? Ev’s gonna be so jealous when he gets back from break and hears that I had the legendary Sirius Black making my drinks all night.”

Watching Sirius mix three different liquors together, James couldn’t help but wonder if this would be Crouch’s only drink of the night.

“I prepared Evan’s bottles back in the day, so he beats you there,” Sirius muttered distractedly, scanning the table for Merlin-only-knows-what. Rat poison, maybe.

Crouch leered at the eldest Black. “But did he get to call you ‘daddy’?”

For all his brashness, Crouch did shrink back when Sirius whirled around - luckily for him, it was only to check on his sibling, who was now hacking up a lung.

“Reg’s not good at swallowing yet,” Crouch pounded his friend on the back, while Sirius vanished the spilled liquid. “But we’re working on it.”

“I hate you so much,” Regulus hissed, smacking Crouch’s arm. “You promised not to flirt with my brother! You signed a contract, remember?!”

Sirius scoffed. “Dois-je demander à mes amis de signer un contrat pour ne pas flirter avec vous ? Semble juste..”

“Ce n'est pas nécessaire,” Regulus replied, holding his hands up placatingly.

James never had an interest in learning French before, but now? Sure would come in handy…

“Uh huh. C'est ce que je pensais.”

Crouch peered at the flustered, blushing Seeker with something akin to pity. “I have no idea what either of you posh prats are saying, but for the record, I wasn’t flirting with your brother, sweetheart. Just having a bit of fun.”

“You know, if that’s what you think flirting is, Reggie,” Sirius mused, “no wonder why you’re single!”

Bristling at the jibe, Regulus angrily pointed at the older Gryffindor. “So are you!” He then jabbed his finger into Crouch’s side. “And you!”

“And me,” James added for some reason he didn’t want to think too hard on.

Both Slytherins stared unblinkingly at him… it was excessively unnerving.

“Funny, I believe I recall hearing something about you and a little redhead getting cozy?” Crouch eventually asked.

“Er… that ship has left the harbor,” James stammered, glaring at his amused best mate, who was doing nothing to help him.

In a terribly endearing attempt to whisper in his friend’s ear, Regulus asked, “What does that mean? They were sitting right next to each other when I walked in.”

He nervously ran a hand through his hair, unsure what to say. “Don’t think that was me.”

“Really, Potter, that’s what you’re going with?!” Crouch chided. He made a derisive sound in the back of his throat. “Ugh, men.”

Remus saved him from further humiliation, bless. “Er… how about that poker game?”

“Brilliant idea, Moons!” Sidling up next to the werewolf, Sirius snaked an arm around his waist. “However, I think now is a good time to hit the dance floor, yeah? I was utterly devastated when we couldn’t dance together at the Winter Ball.” His voice dropped several octaves, and his eyes trailed down Remus’s face until they reached his lips. “I learned some new moves I think you’ll really appreciate.”

Damn, okay, guess Siri is really going for it this time. Unconsciously, James’s gaze drifted to Regulus, and his heart fluttered in a rather peculiar way when he found the Slytherin already looking at him.

“I bet they’re lovely moves indeed, but I’m not entirely sure I’m the best bloke to properly appreciate such a thing.” Draping an arm over Sirius’s shoulders, Remus continued, “Besides, I’d much rather play cards.” He inclined his head towards the youngest Black. “Wouldn’t you as well?”

“Regulus would much rather dance right now, wouldn’t he?” Sirius looked pointedly at his sibling.

Cup lifted halfway to his lips, Regulus froze at the mention of his name. “Er… both are… whatever, um… whatever James thinks is best!”

Sirius glared at his brother, unimpressed, but despite the awkward situation he now found himself in, James couldn’t begrudge Regulus for handling it the way he did… which had nothing to do with how breathtaking the Slytherin looked tonight, his beauty amplified by the subtle makeup, stylish outfit, the way his cheeks blushed the prettiest of pinks, and how he just called him ‘James’.

“After we tire ourselves out,” the eldest Black brother countered, preventing James from having to choose between his two friends, bless him too, “we can sit and rehydrate while we teach the children how to gamble! It’s the best of both worlds.” When Remus’s determined expression didn’t falter, Sirius broke out the puppy-dog eyes, complete with an exaggerated pout. “Please, Rem, please please please! Just for a few songs, it’ll be fun, I promise!”

“I’ll dance with you -”

“No!” Remus growled, cutting off Crouch before he could finish his offer. “He’ll be fine with me, thanks.” Downing the rest of his drink, he tossed his cup in the rubbish bin underneath the table. “Just for a few songs, though.”

It was probably a coincidence that the light hit Sirius’s lip ring just right, making his smile more dazzling than usual. “Anything for my, Moonbeam!” Halfway to the dance floor, he glanced over his shoulder and hollered, “Regarde et apprends, petite étoile!”

Without further ado, Sirius then proceeded to trip over his own feet, saved from face planting by Remus’s enhanced reflexes… Regulus loudly sipped his drink in response but abstained from commenting.

“Remind me again why we haven’t come to Gryffindor parties before now?!” Crouch delightedly asked his friend.

“We weren’t invited,” Regulus said bluntly, finishing the remainder of his drink. “I’m going to dance with Pandora before she can come over here and threaten me to uphold a promise I did not make, so I’ll see you later.”

“That is not true, you were invited to nearly all of them!” James made to follow the younger Slytherin, but Crouch tossed a heavy arm around his shoulders, pinning him in place.

“No need to look so grouchy, Potter, this will only take a moment.” The Gryffindor nodded, and Crouch leaned in closer. “You and Sirius are best mates, yeah?”

“Yep,” James said, popping the ‘p’. Everyone f*cking knew that, what a dumb question.

“Did you know that Regulus is my best mate, along with Evan?”

“I did.”

“And we all know Sirius is massively overprotective of Regulus.” They watched silently as Regulus threw his head back and laughed at something his Ravenclaw friend said. “But I think we can all agree he’s a little biased when it comes to you, yeah?”

James tensed at the underlying threat in the Slytherin’s voice. “It’s possible.”

“Thankfully, Evan and I don’t have that same problem,” Crouch whispered darkly, his eyes flashing. “So, I want to make our position very clear. We don’t know what your deal is, and frankly, we don’t give a f*ck… but if you physically hurt a single hair on Reg’s pretty little head, or do something that f*cks with his emotions, not even the infamous Sirius Black will be able to save you from our wrath. And I assure you, Potter… you don’t want to know what our wrath entails. Capiche?”

Knowing it was futile to argue, James said, “Capiche."

He was mildly comforted by the fact his voice didn’t crack.

Chapter 5: Barty's Grand Idea

Chapter Text

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Regulus asked Pandora, leaning in close to her ear to be heard over the booming music.

A group of fourth-year girls danced next to them, and the Prewett twins were holding a dance-off with some Quidditch players from each house team, but it wasn’t overcrowded yet. Oftentimes, Regulus forgot how popular his brother was, easy to do considering Sirius was a bit of a disaster when it was just the two of them; Salazar, if only their peers knew how often he sulked and moped about because his precious Remus didn’t pay him enough attention that day!

She twirled him around, so his back was to Barty and Pott… James. “Probably silly boy talk, nothing to worry over.”

Regulus highly doubted that, but before he could comment, Sirius two-stepped his way towards them, his arms looped around Lupin’s shoulders. “Glad you came, Reggie! Isn’t Hogwarts over the holidays much better than being at home?”

“Kinda boring and quiet actually,” Regulus answered truthfully. “No one has raised their wand at me yet, though I do appreciate the lack of shouting.”

Lupin looked troubled, but Sirius’s mouth split into a huge grin. “Ah, little star, the night is still young! I’m sure we’ll have a few incidents by the end that would make Great Aunt Cassie proud.”

They both snigg*red at the reminder of their elderly relative’s drunken stunts - last year, when a wandmaker refused to serve her when she entered his shop inebriated, she went on a spirited rant during Christmas dinner about the ‘disgraceful decline of worthy wand sellers’ in Britain, her rambling words imbued with innuendo that Sirius swore had to have been purposeful.

A tiny child suddenly appeared at their side. “Jell-O shot for the good sirs and lady?” He gestured to the tray propped on his shoulder - it was packed with clear plastic cups filled with a gelatin substance that made Regulus’s stomach churn. They were of course either red or gold in color, because Merlin-forbid anyone forget what house they were currently partying in.

Pandora’s mouth dropped open. “Sirius Black, you really roped a first year into serving your party?!”

“No need to be rude, Paddington is a second-year.” Taking two of each color, Sirius offered his brother the other gold ‘Jell-O shot’, and passed the red ones to Pandora and Lupin. Sniffing it curiously, Regulus nearly gagged - it smelled like straight vodka.

“It tastes better than a regular vodka shot,” Lupin explained with a grin. “Promise.”

“Sorry,” Pandora said to the second-year in question, who shrugged. “But he’s still too young to be here, and you shouldn’t treat him like a house elf!”

Paddington shook his head. “I’m honored to be here, miss.”

Sirius patted his underling on the head. “And he generously offered the services of his dormmates, who were more than happy to partake in the festivities.” He pointed to another child, who roamed around the Common Room, precariously close to the dance floor. So far, he’d been able to successfully dodge the flailing limbs, all while balancing a tray of hors d'oeuvres above his head. Two other boys had taken up posts at the drinks table and were mixing beverages under the watchful eye of an older girl. From here, it looked like she was advising, rather than supervising. “First and second years are banned from this event -”

“And for good reason!” She pointed towards the corner of the Common Room, where a couple of seventh years were partaking in some sort of card game that involved removing one’s clothing.

Perhaps I can convince Barty to suggest… no, no, that would be improper, nor would it be wise. It’s possible that some remain unaware of how delectable Potter looks without a shirt, let’s not advertise it to the masses!

“Not to mention the excessive amount of alcohol,” Regulus added - he didn't really care if the younger years were drinking, it wasn’t his business. But it was still funny to watch Sirius chafe under their accusations of irresponsibleness.

“Okay, Mister and Miss Prefect… Paddington, would you like to demonstrate our precautionary measures for the skeptics?” With an eager nod, the kid took a shot off the tray, and Regulus belatedly recognized him as the reserve Gryffindor Keeper. “This is what happens when any first or second year tries to consume alcohol, either from the bottle itself, out of a cup handed to them by an older student, or from a receptacle brought into the party from outside sources.” Tipping the slimy golden mass into his mouth, it vanished before it touched his lips. “See?” Sirius smirked. “Now, what are the rules?”

Clearing his throat, Paddington pompously recited, “Don’t stare at people making drunken fools of themselves. Don’t stare at anyone who’s removed pieces of their clothing. Being pervy, annoying, or awkward may result in immediate removal from the party. Don’t waste alcohol by trying to get around the wards, we are neither cleverer nor more magically adept than you. Report anyone who needs to be cut off from drinking to you, the Prewett twins, James, or Remus. If we see or hear something sketchy, dangerous, or worrisome, report it to Lily Evans or any other swotty Prefect.”

“You forgot a rule,” Sirius drawled. “A rather important one, might I add.”

Regulus had no idea a twelve-year-old could sigh so aggrievedly. “And if anyone threatens to harm or hex us, actually pulls their wand, is overly rude, or outright mean, report them immediately to the previously mentioned individuals.”

“Because?”

“Nobody likes a martyr.”

“Top job, mate, I knew I was right to choose you to lead this mission.” Paddington puffed up with pride at the praise. “Here’s a shot for your troubles.” Sirius turned loftily to Regulus and Pandora. “With the magical wards we enacted, only James, Remus, and myself are able to provide them with alcoholic beverages.” After downing the shot, a black line appeared on the top of the younger Gryffindor’s left hand; sharing a glance with Pandora, Regulus knew he wasn’t the only one begrudgingly impressed with the whole shebang. “Three drinks already, aye? You’ve been sweet talking James, haven’t you?” Paddington mimed zipping his lips. With a snap of Sirius’s fingers, five goblets of water appeared on the tray. “Everyone should have a drink before we continue, hydration is always important.”

When they were done, Sirius snapped his fingers again, and the goblets disappeared. Paddington looked like he was going to wet himself from the effortless display of wandless magic.

“Show-off,” Lupin snorted, his eyes overflowing with a disgusting amount of fondness.

Pretending not to hear his friend, Sirius made a shooing motion. “Alright, back to work with ya, squirt.”

With a salute and an earnest, “Sir, yes sir!” Paddington scampered off.

“What should we toast to?” Lupin asked, raising his Jell-O shot.

Pandora’s smirk did not bode well for either Black brother. “To finding love in the New Year!”

“Good Godric, do all girls think the same?” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Marlene said the same thing!”

“One toast for each of you,” the Ravenclaw hummed, lifting her own cup. “Or do you not want to find lasting love? Or perhaps… you already have?”

“I am very single, nor am I talking to anyone at the present moment,” Sirius declared. “And I believe it’s the same for everyone else here, yeah?” A visible look of relief passed over his face when Lupin nodded.

“Well, most of us,” Pandora said, her sly glance directed at Regulus of all people.

“I am not talking to anyone!” he huffed, clinking his glass with the others. “Do not spread misinformation about me, please and thank you.” Thank f*cking Merlin, the sketchy-looking Jell-O shot was surprisingly delicious. “Huh… it tastes like lemonade.”

“My own special recipe,” Sirius boasted, vanishing their empty cups. “Careful though, it’s not just lemonade. A few of those will knock you on your arse.”

Lupin laughed. “Your brother is speaking from experience, of course.” He led a squawking Sirius away by the elbow. “Come on, let’s get this dancing business over with so we can play cards.”

“Don’t act like you don’t wanna dance with me, Moons, I see right through you.”

Pandora waited until the Gryffindors were a respectable distance away before asking, “You think tonight will finally be the night your brother goes through with it?”

They had just finished dancing to a Muggle song that wasn’t as atrocious as Sirius’s usual selections when Barty rejoined them. He wasn’t alone.

“Hey, Reg,” he greeted with a glint in his eyes that Regulus would normally find troublesome. He was much too tipsy to care, and it was glorious. “I’d like you to meet Aiden Pucey.” Barty nudged the Gryffindor fifth-year forward. “Aiden, this is Regulus Black.”

Holding his hand out to shake, Pucey grinned sheepishly. “We’ve met -”

“Not properly -”

“We’ve sat near each other in Potions for five years.” Regulus shook the Gryffindor’s hand anyway.

“And played Quidditch against each other since I made the team in third year,” Pucey added with a rueful grin. “I sadly didn’t make the cut like you did in second year. Your tryout was bloody brilliant. ”

The Chaser’s unexpected compliment left Regulus’s cheeks warm. “But you did make the team the following year, and that’s what counts.”

“True. We’ve also done our Prefect rounds together a few times.”

“... and I know how you feel about etiquette,” Barty finished stubbornly.

“Barty thinks an ‘alliance’ between us could be mutually beneficial -”

Pandora sighed, shaking her head. “Oh Barty… really? You’re playing a dangerous game given our present environment.”

“I can hold my own,” Pucey countered.

Regulus really wished he knew what was happening right now. He’s usually much more in tune with his friend’s scheming and plotting… hmm, maybe this is why he generally doesn’t get drunk like the rest of his peers.

Barty shrugged, unrepentant. “So, right before Christmas, Aiden’s boyfriend of over a year broke up with him for some trollop,” the Gryffindor’s expression turned glum at the reminder, “and Regulus here fancies a bloke who seems interested, but some bird keeps stealing his attention away.” With great effort, Regulus resisted looking to the other side of the dance floor, where James and Lily Evans were slow dancing… together. “And it just so happens that both blokes in question are here tonight.”

“Okay, and…?”

“My sweet summer child,” Barty cooed, squishing his cheeks. Regulus angrily batted his hands away - it was bad enough when his brother treated him like a baby, he didn’t need his best friend doing it too! “You and Aiden can respectfully and consentingly use each other to make your respective flames jealous! It’s a win-win.”

“I’m down for it, if you are,” Pucey said good-naturedly. “We don’t have to do anything crazy… or you can tell me to piss off, and I’ll go back to sulking in the corner while my mates try to lure me out.”

No longer able to resist temptation, Regulus glanced over Pucey’s shoulder… to find James already looking at him. The older Gryffindor tilted his head to the side, mouthing ‘You ok?’ Regulus nodded and rolled his eyes to emphasize his point, stupid Gryffindors, always worrying about others, rather than themselves. James smiled thinly before his attention was once again stolen by her.

How was he supposed to compete with the girl James had been chasing for as long as Regulus had been at Hogwarts?

For years, Sirius never made much mention of his crush on Potter, except to lightly tease him about it every so often. He’d always say tripe like “he’d be lucky to have you, but you’re too young to date anyone.” Supportive, but not encouraging, if you will.

This year, everything changed. From their very first interaction of the new school year, Regulus felt like things with Potter had a different feel to them. But it wasn’t until early November when he truly understood the magnitude of the shift, all thanks to Sirius cornering him after class one day, demanding to know if he was secretly dating Potter behind his back (all because they’d gone flying together without him, his brother was such a drama queen). It had taken time to convince Sirius they were not dating or anything of the sort, not by a long shot. Eventually, his brother had gone all quiet and contemplative, always worrying, and muttered something prattish like, ‘I’ll circle back with you after I do some reconnaissance’.

Like, what?!

But circle back, Sirius did, creepily finding him a week later in a random corridor during his Prefect rounds.

“Are you flirting with James?” he had asked, appearing out of thin air, who gave him an Invisibility Cloak, and where the f*ck was mine?!

Regulus laughed so hard, he nearly fell down the stairs. “I don’t know how to flirt.”

“I think you should try. And I could teach -“

“Salazar no, spare me.”

Sirius, for once, was transparent. He admitted he’d not spoken to Potter about any of it, but it was his belief that his friend was interested in his brother. “You’re going to have to be bold, Reggie. I don’t think James even realizes he likes you -“

“Probably because he doesn’t!”

“I can guarantee he’s attracted to you, at the least. And that has nothing to do with the fact you look like a miniature version of me.”

“Miniature? I’m taller than you.”

Hissing through his teeth at the reminder, Sirius had spun around and stormed away, his long hair smacking Regulus in the face in the process.

This evening, as Regulus was transferring one of his sketches onto his brother’s back, Sirius spent a portion of the time recounting his conversation with Potter. He begrudgingly confessed to being impressed by the younger’s ‘impossible to miss, even for someone as oblivious as James’ flirting, but Regulus acknowledged it was a lot easier to be ‘bold’, so to speak, without much of an audience. Sirius had said something tedious like, ‘Just believe in yourself and keep at it, Reggie, I’ve got a feeling you’re a lot closer to getting what you want.’

Sirius then… he then had the audacity to lecture Regulus about ‘consent’, and that while a kiss at midnight was one thing ‘if James seems amiable, which I’m sure he is’, he should not attempt to go further at any point if one or both of them have been drinking… or for another ten years because Regulus was ‘much too young’. Regulus had sat there in shock for a moment because Sirius dare … but he wasn’t supposed to know about his brother’s plot to finally confess to Lupin, with the help of alcohol, which Potter heavily insinuated included more than just a discussion of feelings. Sirius then changed the topic before Regulus could flip it around and remind his brother the same thing applied to him, but it did serve as a poignant reminder - tonight wasn’t about Regulus’s wants, it was about keeping Sirius from destroying something good in his life.

In spite of what his brother seemed to think, Regulus couldn’t compete with Lily Evans, so he eyed Pucey contemplatively - he was actually rather cute, now that Regulus was paying attention. The Gryffindor was a few centimeters shorter than him, but he was much more muscular (though not as muscular as James, his stupid brain pointed out). Fluffy, chestnut curls fell to his chin, and his cheeks were dotted with freckles. But the most appealing part was his sapphire blue eyes… oh wait, no, those heart-shaped lips were sinful. Blimey, was the alcohol fueling his delusions, or was he just insanely unobservant?!

Barty tossed an arm over his shoulders. “It’s not a marriage proposal, Reg,” his friend whispered in his ear.

Without comment, Regulus unzipped his borrowed jacket, and held it out to Pandora… only to have it snatched by Barty. “I’ll keep it safe for ya, you two have fun.” He winked lewdly, then led an exasperated Pandora away.

Offering his hand to Pucey, Regulus didn’t miss how the Gryffindor eyed him appreciatively. Sirius wasn’t as artistic as his younger brother, but he was no slouch either. Regulus had offered his left arm as a canvas, and Sirius drew what he drew best - an intricate weave of vines and flowers, starting from his shoulder, traveling down to wrap around his wrist. The Slytherin hated to admit it, it’s such a cliche tattoo, but Sirius brought his own style to it - it was eerily beautiful. Perhaps he’ll keep it for a few more days until the charm started to wear off.

House rivalries were stupid, in Regulus’s opinion.

It’s funny how nights like these brought the students at Hogwarts together, how dressing in something other than school robes (which were banned, per the invites they’d received) and a splash of alcohol had everyone forgetting to avoid the houses they usually spurned.

“People keep staring at us. I’ve got a feeling it’s more to do with the rivalry-Quidditch teams thing, rather than a Lion dancing with a Snake thing.”

“Funnily enough, the hat wanted to put me in Slytherin,” Aiden murmured, his arms around Regulus’s waist as they swayed to the music… it wasn’t a slow song, but neither of them cared. “If I didn’t love my dormmates so much, I might have come to regret that decision.”

In normal circ*mstances, Regulus would have a cutting comment at the ready. But Aiden smelled really good, and he could feel the heavy weight of James’s gaze on them.

It made Regulus positively giddy.

Don’t be foolish, he chided himself. James Potter is one of those noble Gryffindor-types, and your brother did ask him to keep an eye on you… curse Sirius and his lackluster fishing-for-information methods!

“Why’d you say no?” Regulus asked curiously, resting his chin on the Gryffindor’s shoulder.

“My older sister is in Gryffindor, but her twin went to Slytherin. We get along now, but let’s just say, uh… my brother wasn’t always cool, not like yours.”

Regulus stifled a laugh. “I promise, my brother isn’t cool.”

“He’s cool to you, though.”

“Yeah,” the Slytherin whispered, glancing over at his brother, who was attempting to beat Gideon in a dance-off. Next to them, Lupin, Fabian, and two older students that might be Puffs watched through their fingers as it became more and more ridiculous… ooh, yikes, that’s gonna hurt in the morning . “He really is.”

Aiden saw what he was looking at. “Do you uh… wanna go put an end to that? Before it results in an awkward trip to the Hospital Wing?”

“You never tell my brother what he can or cannot do,” Regulus said, shaking his head. “But if you’re up for it, we can distract him.”

His fellow fifth-year was up for it, and they approached the dance-dueling Gryffindors at a safe distance.

“Brother, wanna do a shot with me?” Regulus asked, wincing at the sight of his brother doing a split… at least Sirius didn’t have to be helped to his feet. The same could not be said for Gideon.

“In a bit, Reg, I’m about to win.”

Gideon laughed, “I think the f*ckity f*ck not, Black the Elder! I will die before losing to some prissy twat like you, no offense.”

“You can’t beat that, Gid-on!” Sirius cried indignantly, his attention returning to the competition, oh, I think the f*ckity f*ck not. “I didn’t miss how Fab helped you up.”

“I don’t care how much formal ballroom training you have.” Crouching down, Gideon did some weird flipping move that predominantly used his hands. “You cannot beat raw talent.”

Lupin caught his eye and shrugged. “This is comparatively tame to previous ‘competitions’... you should see it when it’s James and Sirius, versus the twins.”

“I’ll forever pass, thanks,” Regulus shuddered. “Kay, well good luck, brother, I’ll catch up with you later… come on Aiden, let’s go find the Jell-O shot kid, then we can go to your room so you can show me those signed Quidditch posters I don’t believe you have.”

Like magic, Regulus had the full attention of four older Gryffindors.

“You are not going to some stranger’s dorm, Regulus,” Sirius said, eyeing Aiden disdainfully, oops.

“Actually, I’m not a stranger… yep, we will stay in the Common Room.”

Regulus smirked. “That means you’re going to take a shot with us though, yeah?”

“We all will, Baby Reg!” Fabian cried, and the Slytherin hastily ducked behind Aiden to avoid having his cheeks pinched, again.

Lupin, the tall bastard, scanned the Common Room. “We should invite James.”

“Haven’t seen him in a while, actually.” With a hand on Lupin’s shoulder for balance, Sirius lifted himself up onto his tippy-toes. “Where’d he run off too?”

“Last I saw,” Regulus drawled, entwining his fingers with Aiden’s and leading him in the opposite direction, far away from James Potter, “your best mate was dancing with a bunch of girls, so I think it’s best if you leave him be.”

Chapter 6: Envy

Chapter Text

“Oh Godric, I’m sorry in advance,” Aiden mumbled.

Following his gaze, Regulus saw they were being approached by two older students who bore a striking resemblance to the Gryffindor next to him.

After taking their Jell-O shots, the Prewett twins left with the two Puffs (confirmed) to challenge some people to a card game Regulus had never heard of. But Sirius had been reluctant to allow him out of his sight, which worked just fine for Regulus - it made it all that much easier to ensure his brother wasn’t off ruining his own love life.

“Aiden!” The older girl warmly embraced her brother, who was easily a foot taller than her. But Aiden gallantly stooped down so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

The Gryffindor girl was also a Prefect - Adeline, if Regulus's memory served correct. Her twin was Addison Pucey, one of his Quidditch teammates, who also happened to be a good friend of his cousin, Narcissa.

Addison looked his fellow Slytherin up and down. “Is this -”

“No,” Aiden interjected firmly. “Regulus is just a friend, stop assuming every bloke I hang around is my ex-boyfriend!”

His sister smiled kindly, but Regulus didn’t miss the sharpness in her gaze. “An easy fix would be -”

“And I’m not telling you his name!”

Lupin exchanged a series of glances with Aiden’s sister.

“Well, come along,” Adeline looped her arm through her youngest sibling's, “I need to use the lavatory.”

“Thanks for sharing. I don't.”

For someone so petite, she sure was strong - Aiden nearly fell over when she yanked his arm. “And you’re going to be a proper gentleman and escort me.”

Aiden rolled his eyes. “Be thankful you only have a brother, they’re much less bossy… ow!”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” Regulus said with what he hoped was a sympathetic smile. Really, he was trying not to laugh. Aiden clearly was familiar with Sirius Black, and anyone familiar with Sirius Black knew how bossy he was.

“So,” Addison drawled when his siblings were out of earshot, “how long have you been my brother’s rebound?”

"Watch your tone, Addison," Sirius snapped. "In case you haven't noticed, Cissa isn't here to protect you."

The older Slytherin glared disdainfully at the Gryffindor-Black. "Lovely as my dear friend is, she too would agree that I don't need anyone to protect me, least of all from someone like you. It was just a question, no need to get so bent out of shape about it. Unless of course...?"

"Howdare you imply -"

Oh, Merlin, here we go again.

Lupin put a hand on his forearm. "Sirius."

And then... just like magic, his brother's anger disappeared.

Bloody incredible, such a shame we didn't have him around whenever Sirius was with another Black.

"My brother is absolutely not fraternizing with your brother… right, Regulus?”

“We are just friends,” Regulus echoed, resenting the suspicion in his sibling’s voice, he’s so paranoid, sweet Merlin, why is he so convinced I’m in a secret relationship?

“Then, as his ‘friend’, you know what bastard broke his heart, yeah?”

“I don’t, sorry."

"Slytherin to Slytherin, I would like to believe you," Addison said, "but I'm not quite sure I do."

"All I know is that guy is here tonight.”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. “Oooh, that makes so much more sense now. Aw, Reggie, you little hellion!” He pretended to wipe away a tear. “I raised you so well.”

“Do share what you’re going on about,” the older Slytherin huffed.

Regulus tensed when his brother’s demeanor became serious… heh. “That’s between us, sorry. However, I must say that as an older brother myself, I understand Addison’s frustration. I know you balk at the idea of betraying the trust of a friend, Reggie, but you’d actually be doing him a favor by telling Addison and Adeline what you know. That way, they can ensure their brother doesn’t get hurt again.”

‘Not get hurt again’, right… how gullible/naïve did he think Regulus was?!

“Perhaps Aiden has kept it a secret for a reason?” Lupin held his hands up placatingly when two angry older brothers turned their glares on him. “Or not.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Please forgive him, mate, he’s an only child.” Addison’s shoulders relaxed at the explanation, his face clearing of its previous outrage. “Now, Reg -”

“I already told you what I know! Just that the bloke left Aiden for a girl, and he’s here tonight.” A sudden thought occurred to him, and he inclined his head at the older Slytherin. “What do you know?”

Addison sighed and wearily ran a hand over his face. “Just that he’s in the same year as you both.”

“Well, you can rule out anyone in Slytherin, that’s for sure,” Regulus said - it wasn’t him, it clearly wasn’t Barty, and there was no way feasible way Evan could hide a secret relationship from them (not that he would, but even if he wanted to, he couldn’t).

“Meaning he’s either a Puff or Claw if our sister is to be believed. She’s certain Aiden didn’t date anyone in his dorm.”

Sirius clapped his hands together. “Ooh, I have an idea.” Without explanation, he held a hand out to Lupin, who removed a folded piece of parchment from his robes. “Here we have the guest list -”

“That looks more like the roster of the entire school,” Addison interjected, sharing a 'what the f*ck' look with Regulus.

“Tomato, tom-ah-toe.” Tapping his wand to it, the names floated around the parchment, until Regulus was looking at a list of blokes in his year. “The scratched out names are people who went home for the holidays -”

“How do you even know that?” Addison asked irritably.

(Personally, Regulus just didn't want to know - plausible deniability and all that.)

Sirius shrugged. “I’m a genius, Addi, keep up and stop interrupting.” Again, he held a hand out to Lupin, who conjured a quill out of thin air. “Reg, I’ll let you do the honors of removing the Snakes and Lions, cuz I really can’t be fussed about learning people’s names.”

When Regulus was done, they were left with a list of 5 names - 3 Hufflepuffs, 2 Ravenclaws.

But only three were displayed on the parchment in bold lettering, which Sirius circled with a flourish. “These three are currently in the Common Room.”

“At least that narrows it down.” Regulus internally crossed his fingers that it was either Bronson Matthews or Damian Jefferies, not Benjy Fenwick, ew. “Can you think of anything else he might have mentioned?”

It took some poking and prodding (aka Sirius lobbing question after question at the older Slytherin), until eventually Addison cried, “He’s taller than Aiden! Or rather, taller than Aiden was last year before his growth spurt.”

Merlin, and he thought Aiden seemed alright!

… okay, that’s unfair. If Benjy Fenwick still acted like the bloke Regulus had met in first year, he could see the appeal. Sometimes even now, traces of the shy, helpful, and polite Ravenclaw made appearances, usually when they were alone - at least when he wasn’t making uncomfortable passes at Regulus.

“Brother?” Sirius poked him in the side. “That help at all?” An unspoken communication passed between them. “Oh, thank f*ck, I know I said what I said, but I’ve been dying to kick him out all night!”

“Who is it?” Addison's eyes blazed with fury. “I don’t know how much he’s told you, but whoever this bloke is, he did a number on my brother. I want him to pay… preferably in blood, but Adeline’s a bit squeamish, so we’ll see.”

Spotting the other two Pucey siblings heading towards them, Regulus shook his head. “No, no, let’s not be rash. First, let me confirm. Because while I don’t think my guess is incorrect, it might be.” Oh, how he hoped it would be, though he doubted it - Bronson Matthews was around the same height as Adeline, maybe, and Damian Jefferies wasn’t much taller. “Then, if Aiden is game, I’ve got a lovely idea that will really stir the pot.”

“What’d we miss?” Adeline asked when they were close enough, unlooping her arm from her brother’s.

Aiden held a hand out, and Regulus took it with a smile. “Nothing exciting, just our brothers bickering.”

She glanced questioning at her twin, and a second later, her eyes widened. Regulus silently marveled at how easily twins could communicate.

“Alright, children, the adults need to talk, go find your friends or something. Reg, I’ll catch up with you later.” Sirius made a shooing motion at the fifth years. “Ah, don’t try to be cute, Moonbeam, you’re staying.” He looked at Addison, and in an atrocious stage-whisper said, “Don’t be fooled by his Mr. Responsible act... Remus here is the brains of the operation.”

“I’m not of age,” Lupin said, his voice loud enough to cover Regulus’s mumbled, “Well someone has to be the brains.”

“You’re an old man at heart, that counts.”

Adeline shook her head. “Forgive me, but I don’t think -”

Addison placed a hand on his sister’s arm. “Now, now, let’s not be prideful, sis. If two of the legendary Marauders want to parley with us, who are we to turn our noses up at such an offer?” The Slytherin exchanged a vicious smile with Sirius, and Regulus hurriedly pulled Aiden away, lest he get suspicious.

Whelp, too late.

“What was that about?” Aiden asked as they maneuvered through the packed Common Room towards the drink table. “No offense, but my brother isn’t a fan of your brother or his friends.”

‘Fan’ was such an interesting word, was it not? Addison likely wasn’t gung ho about the Marauder’s antics most of the time, but he definitely wasn’t opposed if it benefitted him.

Regulus shrugged. “Don’t judge me, but I zoned out. I think they were talking about Narcissa at one point, and of course, the conversation turned to her maybe-fiancé, Lucius.”

He wasn’t sure how much Aiden knew about the various dramas surrounding their three family members - Sirius/Narcissa had the strangest rivalry, for a lack of a better term, and bickered constantly, even when they agreed on something. Narcissa/Addison had been good friends since they were seven-years-old, making Addison automatically not a fan of Sirius on principle. Both Sirius and Addison hated Lucius, who in turn hated them. And from the whispers Regulus overheard in recent months, Narcissa wasn’t too keen on Lucius lately, though for what reason, he’d yet to discern. It was so messy - like Adeline, Regulus tried to stay out of it.

Aiden’s nose scrunched up, evidently knowing enough to realize he didn’t want to know more. So valid. “Well, do you wanna go back to the dance floor… I’ll take that expression as a ‘no’,” he laughed. “Hm, how about we join a group playing -”

“I’d like to go say hi to my friend Benjy,” Regulus interjected. “It’s been awhile since I last saw him.”

A new rule he planned to live by, starting today: subtly wasn’t an option whenever Gryffindors were involved. It perhaps didn’t help that Regulus was too tipsy to think of a more cunning plan. A wretched, wretched truth, but the fact of the matter was, the results couldn’t be argued with - it worked.

“Er… I wouldn’t want to impose,” Aiden mumbled, skin turning ashen. “We can catch up -”

“Nonsense!” He hummed to himself while mixing a splash of vodka and ginger ale in his goblet, having curtly told the cherubs manning the drinks table that there were very few people in this world who he’d accept a drink from, and they were not included on that list. “He’s a great guy.” Regulus was very proud of himself for not gagging at such a lie. “I’ll introduce you if you haven’t met properly.”

“I… well, I g-guess if you’re… if you’re sure.”

A wave of anger swept through him, followed by Addison Pucey’s scathing words, ‘Whoever this bloke is, he did a number on my brother.’

“Come on.” Regulus took a firm hold of his hand and led the way to an unoccupied stretch of wall, conveniently passing Fenwick and James on the way, how lovely.

“Uh… did you change your mind?” Aiden's anxiety was almost palpable. “Think we passed your friend.”

“It was him, wasn’t it?”

Gotta give credit where credit was due - for a Gryffindor, Aiden’s poker face was superb. “What was who?”

Sipping his drink, Regulus took an extra second to gather his thoughts. “Your ex-boyfriend was Benjy.”

Aiden opened his mouth to deny it, but something in Regulus’s expression must have convinced him it was a futile endeavor. “How’d you figure it out?”

Grimacing, Regulus quickly explained the story. “I’m so sorry, Aiden. I can tell my brother that I was wrong -”

“And set my siblings on two innocent Puffs?” Aiden huffed a laugh. “I think that’d actually be worse.”

“Because Fenwick deserves whatever they do to him.”

“You don’t even know the details.”

“I know Fenwick though, and I’d like to think I have a good read on you.” Ah, they’re getting off course. “Barty was right. You and I are in a perfect position for an alliance.” Regulus 'absentmindedly' wetted his bottom lip, smiling to himself when Aiden’s eyes darkened at the sight, it’s nice to be wanted, for once.

“You have something in mind?”

Probably exactly what Barty had in mind, now that Regulus was thinking back on it.

“Of course, you can say no,” Regulus hastily added when Aiden remained silent after he pitched his proposal, guess in the future, I need to remember that people don’t always act on their attraction to others. He nervously took a sip of his drink, only to accidentally finish the entire thing. “Actually, you know what, it’s a silly idea anyways, I dunno what I was thinking, let’s just forget it -”

Aiden tossed their empty goblets into the rubbish bin that was floating around the room, much to the delight of their drunken peers. Then, Regulus suddenly found himself with his back pressed against the wall, a tall, Gryffindor Quidditch player crowding into his space, if only it were… and then a pair of lips connected with his own, and his racing mind came to an abrupt halt.

He was only the fourth person Regulus ever snogged.

Previously, there was -

1. Evan, multiple times since second year. Regulus’s best friend was just as practical as he was, and they both despised the notion of someone thinking them inexperienced, awkward, bumbling, deficient, or any other uncomfortable adjective. And who better to practice with than your best friend since childhood?
2. Barty, three times. On two separate occasions, they were dared to snog during a drinking game. Then, last year right after the Christmas holidays, they’d been alone in their dorm while Evan was holed up in the Hospital Wing with the Wizard Flu; he’d been so incredibly sick, there was talk of him being transferred to St. Mungo’s. Barty had been angrily pacing across the floor, muttering to himself about how it was his fault, he should have made Evan go to the Hospital Wing days earlier, all untrue, but Regulus had stepped directly in his path and without a word, opened his arms wide. Barty had fallen into his embrace, and they stood like that for ages. Eventually, when his friend leaned back to look at him, it kind of just… happened. They neve mentioned it again, which was just by fine Regulus - they both knew it didn't mean anything more than two friends finding comfort in each other.
3. Sebastian LaRue, once. During the celebratory party after Slytherin won the Quidditch Cup last year, the exchange student from Beauxbatons grabbed Regulus’s face and smashed their lips together without so much as a ‘hello’. By no means had Regulus been opposed to snogging the beautiful French boy, but the incident incited an immediate uproar… probably because LaRue had been in his seventh year, while Regulus was in his fourth. Sigh. The Slytherin Captain at the time, Justin Fawley, yanked LaRue off him (who Regulus later learned was both drunk off his arse and had won a lot of money betting on the match) allowing their Beaters, Addison Pucey and Malcolm Gibbons, to each deck him in the face. He was then cursed backwards and forwards by the combined forces of Andromeda and Narcissa, who somehow made the situation worse by telling his brother the next day, and yeah… Sirius (kinda surprisingly) did not take that news well. Talk about awkward.

“Wow,” Regulus breathed when they separated. He always knew Fenwick was dumber than he pretended to be, but who’d give that up? Wonder what else those lips are… nope, NOPE, don’t go there, objectifying people is bad, very bad.

Aiden removed his hands from Regulus’s hair… after smoothing it back into place, what a gentleman… then looped his arms around his waist. “Are they looking?”

“Hm?”

“Um… either mine or yours.”

Oh, sh*t that’s right.

Actually, first… Regulus sighed in relief when he found Sirius in the corner of the Common Room, in the midst of a deep discussion with the Pucey twins. He kept pointing at a Magic-Erase Board with his wand, while Lupin diligently took notes on a piece of parchment.

Like always, it was no trouble at all for Regulus to find James Potter in a crowd… he looked livid, an expression that intensified tenfold when the younger Slytherin winked cheekily.

Knowing James was watching, Regulus captured Aiden’s lips in another passionate kiss, then without warning, reversed their positions.

“Oh Merlin, I’m so sorry,” Regulus winced. “Didn’t mean to push you that hard.” Last thing he wanted to do was risk James realizing he was only snogging another bloke to piss him off. Best to remove temptation and all that.

“Not gonna hear a complaint from me,” the Gryffindor mumbled, his cheeks bright red.

Regulus pecked the bridge of his freckled nose. “Mine was looking, but I can’t find yours.” While Aiden scanned the room, the Slytherin ducked his head to kiss along his neck, just so it’s easier for him to see, that's all.

“f*ck,” Aiden hissed, “incoming.”

Oh, he’d recognize that pompous ‘ahem’ anywhere.

But Regulus was nothing if not petty, so he pressed closer to Aiden and didn’t acknowledge the voice.

“Excuse me,” Fenwick snapped.

“You’re excused,” Regulus retorted, returning to his previous task, perhaps with a little more vigor than before.

“Aiden, may I speak with you?”

Glancing up, he could tell Aiden was torn over the offer, absolutely the f*ck not.

“I’m sure it can wait.” Regulus did his best impression of Fenwick’s prattish-drawl. “As you can see, Fenwick, he’s busy.”

“I didn’t realize you were Aiden’s spokesperson -”

He knew that was coming, but the sheer gall had Regulus seeing red.

“I will give you ten seconds to get the goddamn f*ck out of my sight, you arrogant, narcissistic, self-centered, vainglorious prick.”

“Regulus -”

“Or you’ll regret it.” A savage smile blossomed across his face. “I can promise you though, I will not.”

“Y-you can’t… you can’t speak to me like that!” Fenwick sputtered. “I don’t know what he told you, but I am not the bad guy here.”

Oh, Regulus highly doubted that.

“Ten.”

“I won’t be threatened!”

“Nine.”

“He’s using you!” the Ravenclaw shrieked, pointing a finger at Regulus, like that clarifies anything, what a f*cking dolt. “He knows we’re friends, Aiden’s using you to get back at me! He’s always been jealous of you.”

“Eight… you and I are not friends, we’re study partners, though that will be changing when the new semester starts, I assure you.”

Fenwick’s jaw dropped. “You cannot -”

In the house of wisdom, the study group you were a part of was often seen as status symbol of sorts. According to Pandora, even though their study group contained members from different houses, they’re considered ‘the top of the top for anyone in our year or under’ thanks to how high each of them ranked in their classes. For the life of him, Regulus didn’t understand what all the hullabaloo was about, people are so bizarre, and this is just another example, but he did understand the concept of social suicide.

“Seven… I can and I will.”

“Aiden, this is ridiculous, are you really going to stand there and let… let this snake speak for you?!”

The Gryffindor clenched his jaw, then turned his face away from his ex-boyfriend.

“Six.”

“Guess I should have expected nothing less, huh?”

“Five.”

“You never could stand up for yourself, could you?”

“Four.”

“How did they ever let you into Gryffindor?”

“Three.”

“I’ve seen Hufflepuffs with more backbone.”

Regulus whipped his wand out.

“Two.”

“I’d listen to him if I were you,” Aiden said with a disinterested glance at his former partner. “My brother told me that there’s a cemetery on every Black-owned property, so they can easily bury their enemies.”

“One… to clarify, we don’t actually bury our enemies, that’s considered a high honor for our house-elves.”

Pale and trembling, Fenwick was still f*cking standing there. “Aiden, I just want to apologize for everything with Lindsey -”

“That blonde girl you dumped me for? Her name is Lisa, you f*ckwad.”

“Zero.”

“You’re a Prefect, Regulus!”

Good point.

“KREACHER!”

“Excuse you -”

The Black family house-elf appeared with a pop.

“Yes, Master Regulus?”

Regulus stared Fenwick dead in the eye. “Is there any unoccupied space in the cemetery at Grimmauld?”

“Kreacher will check.”

“If there is not, please check Black Manor next. I think Grandmother cleaned out a few graves in preparation for the Summer Solstice last year.”

“As Master wishes.”

“Splendid! Thank you, Kreacher." Regulus offered his oldest friend a small smile, one that hopefully said 'I swear I haven't lost my marbles'. "Please report back tomorrow morning… actually, make that tomorrow at tea time. I think I’ll need to have a bit of a lie in after a long night of celebration.”

The house-elf bowed, then popped away.

Fenwick gaped at them, but then finally, finally fled the party.

“Thank f*ck he’s gone, I was about to start hurling curses, and my brother would be livid if I ruined his party.”

“Mmhm.”

When Aiden ducked his head and said nothing else, Regulus panicked, and a panicked Regulus had this horrible habit of rambling. “Er, for the record, to my knowledge, none of my family’s properties contain a cemetery, that’s yucky and also a health hazard, I’d imagine. It was a rumor my cousins started, I actually think your brother came up with it. I’m fairly certain I told Kreacher about it, hopefully so, otherwise, that will be an awkward discussion tomorrow.” Kinda like this one now. “I… I am really sorry if I crossed a line, Fenwick just… grrr, I cannot stand him, I hate him so much, and you don’t deserve any of his bullsh*t, he’s such a c*nt -”

Hearing the unmistakable sound of a sniffle, Regulus snapped his mouth closed, f*ck, definitely took that too far, didn’t I? Merlin’s saggy tit*, this is why I don’t leave my room.

“I’m the one who should be sorry.” For lack of anything to say, Regulus conjured a handkerchief and handed it to Aiden. “Benjy was right. I let him walk all over me, and yet if you hadn’t gone off on him, I would have gone with him, even though I know it’s stupid, and I just… thank you, thank you for being here.”

Heart aching, Regulus wrapped his arms around the Gryffindor and squeezed. “S’not a problem. Only wish I’d been here earlier.”

“You’re here now, and that’s what counts,” Aiden whispered. He dabbed at his damp cheeks. “Godric, you must think me so pathetic.”

“Actually, I think Fenwick’s pathetic… among many, many more negative words.” So many negative words.

“Regulus, you would never allow yourself to be in such a position as I put myself in!”

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Sober, he’d never admit it, not even to just himself, but with the alcohol coursing through his veins, Regulus knew better.

“I’d tolerate much worse if it meant I got to be with him… “

Friends with benefits, keeping it a secret from everyone (even Sirius), pretending they barely knew each other in public, all while James dated around… oh, Regulus would hate himself every day, but he’d take whatever he could get.

“Er, my him, just to clarify.” They both giggled at the blunder. “I’m not proud of that, of course, but I certainly don’t judge you because you liked a bloke, and he had the f*cking audacity to take advantage of that fact.”

Their brothers hadbetter come up with a solid revenge scheme, or Regulus will be writing Cousin Bella a very distraught letter that may or may not take artistic liberties with the truth to ensure the situation gets handled properly.

“You know, Regulus… whoever you’ve got your eye on, he’s a very lucky bloke.”

“Some might say you’re the lucky bloke, at least right now.”

Oh Merlin, that is so cringe, why am I like this?!

They stared at each other, for one second, two second, three, and then their lips crashed together, and Regulus forgot all about James Potter.

Eventually, they opted to relocate to an empty couch. They hadn’t snogged again after that last time, but Regulus was practically sitting on Aiden’s lap as they traded embarrassing stories from their childhood… that being, their siblings’ mortifying moments, of course.

Everything was fine and dandy...

... until Sirius’s pint-sized minion descended upon them.

“Hi, I’m sorry to interrupt what I am sure is a thought-provoking conversation,” under his breath, the little sh*t added, “though only one of you is capable of such a thing.” Paddington smiled stonily. “But I’ve been instructed to advise you, Regulus, that it’s been too long since you’ve had any water.”

Regulus warily took the proffered goblet. With a swish of his wand, it filled with water, and he drank the entire contents under the watchful gaze of a child. “There. Happy?”

The other tray-carrying second-year joined them. “It’s also been too long since you’ve eaten.” A plate containing several cubes of cheese, crackers, and pretzels was pushed into the Slytherin’s hand. Minion-2 then disappeared before Regulus could grab anything for Aiden.

“Unbelievable.” Willing himself not to blush, Merlin, how bloody embarrassing! I’m going to have to speak with Sirius later, this is absurd, Regulus held the plate out to Aiden. “Sorry about all of this… er, want anything?”

“I think it’s sweet how much your brother cares about you,” Aiden said, reaching for a cracker… he yanked his hand back when Paddington smacked his fingers. “Oi! What the hell, Luca?!”

Paddington lifted his nose in the air. “This food is for Regulus, not you. Get your own.”

“I don’t appreciate your tone,” Regulus growled before Aiden could respond. “I’ll share my food if I want to, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me.”

The brat’s eyes welled with tears. “I-I’m just following orders.”

Of course Sirius’s disciple was over dramatic and prone to hysterics, Regulus shouldn’t have expected anything less.

“And I get that. So, please feel free to report it to your boss, I will happily take the issue -”

“Please don’t yell at me!!!” the second-year exclaimed, raising his voice. “I’m just trying to do my job!!!”

Aiden and Regulus exchanged a ‘what the f*ck’ look.

“Hey,” Aiden said calmly, holding his hands up placatingly, “Luca, no one is -”

The younger boy snatched the goblet away from Regulus, then held it out to Aiden. “Can I please have some water?” he interrupted, pressing the cup into his teammate’s hand.

Feeling extremely ungenerous all of a sudden, Regulus snidely pointed out that the Aguamenti Charm was definitely taught in first year, pardon, but how old are you again?

Aiden was clearly a much nicer individual though, because he took his wand out and did what Paddington asked without comment.

Except, Paddington didn’t drink the water.

He splashed it.

… in his own face.

“M’SORRY, AIDEN, PLEASE DON’T HEX ME, I DIDN’T MEAN TO UPSET YOU!”

“HEY!” Lily Evans shouted, storming across the room to stand behind Paddington. “WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING TO THIS POOR KID?!”

Sirius’s lackey wiped a few tears off his cheek. “I-I was just b-bringing Sirius’s brother water and s-some food, but Aiden didn’t like that for some reason.”

“The kid is clearly drunk!” Regulus argued, indignant on behalf of his new… friend(?). “I don’t know what his deal is, but Aiden didn’t do sh*t to him.”

The redhead didn’t look convinced. “Why would he lie about Pucey, his own teammate, attacking him?”

“That’s a damn good question, Evans! Please be sure to let us know when you figure it out.”

“I’m not your enemy, Regulus.”

Aren’t you, though?

“Oi, what’s going on here?” James appeared at Evans’s side, interrupting their staredown. “I came out of the loo, and someone told me there’s a fight going on.”

Flinging himself around James’s midsection, Paddington began sobbing in earnest. “Aiden threw a g-goblet of water in my face, and then he… he drew his wand on me! He was gonna hex me before Ms. Lily came over, I was s-so scared.”

“I did not!” Aiden exclaimed, as Regulus snapped, “No, he didn’t, you lying twerp!”

“There’s no need for name calling, he’s just a kid.” James turned to Evans. “I’ve got this, Lily.” She opened her mouth, but he plowed on. “You might want to go check on Mary, I heard her trying to convince Marlene to let her go talk to that bloke she’d been chatting up last year.”

Rising to his feet, Regulus offered Aiden a hand up, then kept their fingers intertwined. He was much too pissed off to find any sort of pleasure in the way James’s face twisted into a scowl when he noticed their linked hands.

“I’ll never understand what she saw in him,” Evans sighed, rolling her eyes. “Come find me when you’re done, yeah?”

Once she ambled away, James gazed stoically at his fellow Chaser.

“This is ridiculous,” Regulus said, breaking the uneasy silence. “Aiden is innocent, and this is nothing but a smear campaign, though for what purpose, I’ve yet to conclude!”

James nodded. “It is ridiculous.”

“Finally, someone who sees sense -”

“I think it’s best if you call it a night, Aiden.”

The Slytherin’s mouth dropped open. “Absolutely not!”

“James, come on, I didn’t DO anything! He’s making it up!”

“Luca, are you making it up?” Potter asked the whelp.

Blinking up at the older Gryffindor, the second-year sniffed wetly. “I would never ever lie to you, Captain Potter.”

“You cannot possibly believe that tripe! That’s textbook emotional manipulation, and it’s not even good.” Regulus glared at the little brat, who insolently turned his nose up at him.

“James, please.” Aiden placed a hand over his heart. “I’m telling you, I didn’t do anything.”

“Captain’s orders!” Potter shouted at his teammate. “Leave this party now, Aiden, or you will face the consequences once the season starts again.”

“You’re really trying to pull your Quidditch ranking over him?” Regulus scoffed. “You have no bloody right to kick him out, and you damn well know it!”

“I do, actually -”

“Oh, yeah? I’m sure Professor McGonagall would be interested to hear how you’re throwing your Captaincy weight around at an illicit party!”

“How I choose to discipline my team is absolutely NONE of your concern, Captain Black.”

The air around them crackled with magical energy.

Taking a deep breath in, Regulus slowly let it out. “I am telling you, Potter, Aiden didn’t do sh*t to deserve this despicable sort of treatment, how DARE you believe some miscellaneous child over me!”

“Regulus, please.” Potter reached for him, but Regulus curled himself around Aiden, who supportively draped an arm over his shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just think you’ve had too much to drink.”

Had too much to drink?!

He thought Regulus had too much to drink?

The audacity!

Rage burned through him, nearly blinding, how dare he, how bloody dare he not trust what Regulus was telling him, how dare he accuse Regulus of being drunk, how dare he trust the rot this stupid, sh*t-starting child was spouting over Regulus's own truthful words.

He pulled a vial out of the pocket of his trousers and waved it in Potter’s face. “Drank too much, did I?”

The Gryffindor’s face clouded over. “And now I know you aren’t thinking clearly.”

Ignoring Aiden’s curious gaze, Regulus tipped the contents into his mouth. He had another two vials safely hidden in a zipped pocket of his borrowed-jacket, a jacket he vehemently hoped Barty hadn’t lost, not to mention the three vials Lupin and Potter should each be carrying… though Regulus didn’t have a lot of faith in the latter at the present moment. Worse case scenario, he could always Stun either Sirius or Lupin. Or both. And maybe Potter too, the traitorous bastard.

The potion cleared some of the fog in his head, which subsequently made the booming music unbearable. It also led him to realize that while Aiden was indeed very cute, he was nowhere near as physically desirable as Regulus previously believed. Mildly disappointing, but not the worst thing in the world - at least Aiden wasn’t a cad.

No, the worst part of this belonged to Regulus’s perception of the situation - his anger at the injustice was still there, but now that he could think clearly, he realized how hurt he felt over the fact that Potter trusted some runt’s account of events over his own.

“Reggie!” Someone snapped their fingers in front of his face. “Reggie, what’s going on? Paddington’s all in a tizzy because he says you poisoned yourself like ‘Juliet’, whoever that bird is.”

Shaken out of his daze… quite literally, unfortunately… he was startled to find his brother’s face inches from his own. Regulus recoiled backwards, only to then remember who’s idiocy started this in the first place. “I don’t appreciate you sending your minion to ensure I’m fed and watered, brother! If you were so bloody concerned about whether or not I’m drinking enough -”

“It’s been at least an hour since I’ve seen Paddington,” Sirius interjected, his brows furrowing together. “Whenever you and I last saw him, Reg. Figured he was avoiding us because Rem and I said no more Jell-O shots til it was closer to midnight.”

Calm as could be, does anything ever get under his skin, maybe opposites really do attract, Lupin asked, “Regulus, can you tell us what happened?”

“Sure, perhaps one of you will believe me.” After taking a moment to glare fiercely at Potter, who didn’t even have the decency to look abashed, Regulus recounted the events of the last ten minutes or so.

“Well, neither Remus nor I sent him over,” Sirius said, while Lupin dried the urchin with a swish of his wand. “Oi, Paddington, what gives?”

They all turned their gazes to the second-year, whose face was once again hidden in Potter’s robes. Instead of responding, Paddington renewed his sobbing - Regulus would bet his custom Blackstar racing broom that the brat’s eyes were dry.

“James?” Lupin’s green eyes shifted between Potter and Paddington with an inscrutable expression. “Any insight to offer?”

Potter patted the kid on the back. To some, it might seem like a comforting gesture, but with all his wits about him, Regulus interpreted it for what it was - a silent warning. “Not a clue.”

“If the little sh*t can’t provide an explanation,” Regulus said triumphantly, “then Aiden should be allowed to stay, while the children can return to where they belong,” the fiery pits of Muggle-hell, “that being their dormitories.”

“No!” Paddington wailed, lifting his head up. His eyes were red rimmed from earlier, but completely dry, just like Regulus expected. He looked imploringly at James. “I want to stay, you promised!”

“Promised what?” Regulus asked suspiciously. He tried to catch Aiden’s eye, but the Gryffindor was staring at Potter with a prominent frown.

Sirius poked his friend in the side when he didn’t respond. “James?”

“Sidebar!” After ordering Paddington to stay put, Potter dragged his friends several feet away. Taking out his wand, he casted a series of privacy charms, the paranoid git… what’s he got to hide?

Unless…

Regulus didn’t have a chance to attempt to remove them, because Aiden pulled him a safe distance from the deranged second-year.

“I’m going to ask you a question,” Aiden whispered into his ear, “and I need you to be honest with me, okay?” Curious to hear where he was going with this, Regulus nodded. “Is James the bloke you’re into?”

The urge to deny was intense, but after everything that happened tonight, Regulus felt like he was owed the truth. “Yes, he is… erm, sorry?”

Why was he apologizing, he had no f*cking clue.

Straightening up, Aiden wearily rubbed his face. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you this evening, Regulus, and words cannot express how much I appreciate what you did for me. I really hope we can be friends after tonight.” His dimples popped when he grinned. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m being sincere, I promise. But… I’ve gotta play Quidditch with James for another year and a half. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a talk, but until then, I really don’t want to get on his bad side.”

“Us spending time together is none of his business -”

“It’s not,” Aiden agreed. “It's definitely not, but for some reason, he’s made it his business.” He stared pointedly at Regulus, but whatever the Gryffindor was trying to convey, it went right over his head. “I hope you have a good rest of your night, Reg. I’m glad Barty introduced us.”

"Properly," Regulus mumbled.

"Properly." Pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek, Aiden squeezed his hand, then disappeared up the stairs.

He doesn’t know how long he stood there and stared vacantly at the empty staircase, before someone tapped his shoulder.

“Where’s Aiden?” Potter asked hesitantly. Behind him, Lupin seemed to be lecturing Paddington, while Sirius stood next to him scowling.

“He left, are you bloody happy now?” A flood of emotions rushed through Regulus at the brief look of relief that flashed across Potter’s face. His fingers itched for his wand, if only Kreacher really did have an open grave waiting, I might be able to throw myself into it, and while he didn’t think Sirius would take either of their sides’ in a duel, he didn’t want to deal with the scolding his brother would surely give him afterwards. “You won, congrats.”

Potter half-shrugged. “He’s kind of a wanker -”

“LIKE YOU ARE ANY BETTER, JAMES POTTER?!” Regulus tried to inhale deeply, but his lungs would only fill halfway. “He’s a decent guy, and he did NOT f*cking deserve whatever the f*ck that bullsh*t was!”

Realizing he needed to leave now before he did something drastic, Regulus roughly banged into Potter’s stupidly buff shoulder as he passed.

“Regulus -”

“Piss off!”

“Regulus -”

“I can’t even look at you right now, you disgust me!”

“Regulus, please -”

“LEAVE ME THE f*ck ALONE, POTTER!!”

“Reggie!” Sirius called, but Regulus didn’t turn around.

All he wanted to do right now was leave, but he needed to find his friends first.

Chapter 7: Brawls, Boyfriends, and the Brothers Black

Chapter Text

James doth f*cked up.

Absolute understatement of the year that was, too.

He f*cking ruined everything with Regulus, ruined the potential of what there could be, all because he couldn’t grow a pair and strike up a conversation with Regulus again. Instead, James spent the night watching the gem of Gryffindor house, Aiden-f*cking-Pucey, live the night he so desperately wished for himself. Pucey was an all-around standup bloke, who mentored first-years in his spare time and probably volunteered at the Ministry reading to orphans or some hogwash like that, and how did he react to James wrongly accusing him of drunken-disorderliness? He left the party, exactly as he was asked, without punching James in the face like he literally had every right to do.

Worse, it somehow got worse.

'I can’t even look at you right now.'

When James pulled Sirius and Remus to the side, he immediately confessed to soliciting Paddington to do his dirty work for him - they’re not dumb, plus Sirius knows his acolyte would never take orders from anyone that wasn’t himself, Remus, or James. Paddington didn’t ask for James’s reasoning behind the request either, only a few clarifying questions about how far he was ‘meant to go’… that was probably something they should be worried about, but eh, there were much bigger problems at the present moment. Like how James was a wretched, wretched friend. Looking both of his mates in the eye, he proceeded to shamelessly blame his actions on Sirius, ‘You told me to chase away any blokes putting their paws on your brother, so I did what I had to do.’

‘You disgust me.’

His fellow Marauders exchanged a quick glance, and for a brief moment, something suspicious stirred in James’s gut, they know something, or they’re planning something, I dunno, but there’s something happening here. But then a smirk slowly spread across Sirius’s face, and he grabbed James’s cheeks and pressed a kiss to his forehead, ‘I knew I could count on you, Jamie! I’ll help you smooth everything out, don’t you worry.’ Hope bloomed within him, maybe I didn’t f*ck up too badly, but then James glanced over his shoulder and saw Regulus whispering furiously back and forth with Aiden. Envy flared within him again, what’s so special about Pucey, anyways? He’s not that good looking, and he’s a mediocre Chaser at best. James was about to rejoin them when Remus grabbed his arm, ‘Not so fast, bud… you REALLY couldn’t have come up with a better plan than that? If it was Fenwick, I’d be all for it, but for Aiden Pucey, you really had to gaslight him like that? Hold your Captaincy rank over him? Not to mention, your actions obviously upset Regulus. You better apologize tomorrow, Prongs, or I’ll be very disappointed in both of you… yes, I’ll be disappointed in you too, Padfoot, he operated under your orders.’

So, it's my fault Pucey is too dumb to realize he’s a Prefect? James thought snidely to himself. I bet he isn’t as nice and wholesome as he portrays, he probably just wanted an excuse to get away from Regulus, the bastard, otherwise why else would he have left? We all know he didn’t do anything to Luca .

“Look, give Reggie some time to vent to his friends, it’ll help him sort out his emotions, and then -“

“Crouch can come kill me, as he’s threatened already to do!”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “Ole Bartemius is a giant softy at heart.” Well, that’s a relief! “Nah, it’s little Evan Rosier you gotta watch out for. Kid is f*cking cutthroat -“

“But Prongs will be just fine,” Remus said firmly.

“Absolutely remorseless towards anyone on his bad side -”

“But James is not and will not be on his bad side, because he’s going to apologize to Regulus -”

“Pretty sure Evan survives solely on pettiness and spite, his penchant for vindictiveness is legendary -”

Remus scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sirius.”

“He’s got a protective streak for Reggie that’s worse than mine -”

How… how was that even possible?!

“Sirius.”

“Think he might be the reason the Rosiers haven’t been back to Italy in recent years. Lots of sketchy rumors flying around about this bloke who was overheard bad-mouthing his twin sisters. Last I heard, they’d only discovered bits and pieces of him -”

“SIRIUS!”

“… yes, Moonbeam?”

“Stop.”

Gray eyes bounced between the two Marauders, and then Sirius pulled James into a suffocating embrace. “Don’t fret, Prongs. You and Regulus will get everything straightened out before Evan gets back to Hogwarts.”

“Sirius.”

“And good news! Evan respects me enough to not off one of my best mates without warning…”

“Small mercies,” James deadpanned.

“... probably.”

Remus sighed loudly.

With a ditzy giggle that would not match the harshness of his ensuing words, Sirius softly growled in James’s ear, “Next time you get your knickers in a twist over some bloke chatting my brother up, do not put the blame on me, got it? To either Remus or Regulus, I don’t care how jealous you are, I’m not taking the heat from them for your bullsh*t.”

“S-sorry, Padfoot,” James squeaked, oh Godric, two Blacks mad at me, that’s two too many, “I panicked, it’ll never happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t!”

“It won’t, Marauder’s honor.”

Sirius stepped out of his space, but kept his hands on James’s shoulders. “I’ll get Reg to hear you out, but you better be prepared to grovel, James Potter, because he is livid. And I dunno what the f*ck you did to make him that way, but I haven’t seen him this angsty since Mother reversed course on permitting him to get a cat once he got his Hogwarts letter.”

“It’s because Pucey left -”

“Is that so?” his best mate asked incredulously. “You might wanna think back on what happened, Prongs, because I find it hard to believe that my brother gives that many f*cks about some kid he’s probably said only a handful of words to before tonight.”

James pursed his lips, I mean, Sirius knows his brother better than I do, but what else would he be pissed about? f*ck, I need to talk to Moony while Padfoot is with his brother… although, Regulus probably won’t agree to talk to me ever again, no matter what Sirius says to him, f*ck.

“What are you gonna say to get him to talk to me?”

“Dunno, I’ll think of something,” Sirius shrugged. “Might just go the ole’ fashion route of threatening to set his broom on fire if he doesn’t do what I ask.”

“Please don’t do that -”

James was in the middle of telling Remus he doesn't know what to say to Regulus, cuz he doesn't get why he's so upset, when some pricks decided to get into a brawl over Merlin-knows-what. Remus instructed him to stay put, said he’d be back once he sorted everything out, no, Prongs, you stay here. I can hold my own, I’m more worried about you failing to understand why Regulus was so upset by your antics.

Which… valid.

From his vantage point, James couldn’t really see who was involved in the fight, so to get a better look, he stood on one of the empty couches - a group of seventh-years were intent on kicking the sh*t out of each other. James really didn’t like how close the Black brothers were to the fray. Regulus was intently watching the commotion, while Sirius yapped in his ear with one eye locked on Remus, who was trying to diffuse the situation with several other Prefects.

The room's occupants let out a collective gasp when, out of nowhere, the biggest bloke of the bunch socked Remus square in the jaw. He heard Sirius’s shocked, ‘Remus!’, and for the briefest of moments, James swore Remus’s green eyes flashed the amber hue of his werewolf form.

He was about to jump from his perch and rush to help, obviously, Sirius is going to get involved, regardless of whether or not Remus needs or wants his assistance.

Only…

It wasn’t Sirius who got involved.

It was Regulus.

It was Regulus who shoved his brother to the side, sending Sirius careening into Marlene and Mary, and then it was Regulus who stormed… no, prowled into the circle that had formed around the scuffling boys, with Remus and Brett Ackerley in the center.

Ackerley threw his head back laughing, and in the dead silence of the Common Room, sneered, ’Aw, why so glum, pretty boy? Lemme guess… the wittle fairy princess is mad that I hit his boyfriend, is that it? What are ya gonna do about it, huh?’

Then, it was Regulus who drew back his fist and slammed it into Ackerley’s face, knocking the beefy Slytherin out cold with one blow. “That.”

James was very thankful no one was close enough to hear his distressed/impressed/slightly turned on, “Meep!”

… then it was Sirius who, once he got over his surprise, grabbed Regulus by the ear and dragged his younger sibling back towards the staircase, their dumbfounded peers parting to let them pass.

“Ow, ow, ow, let go!” Regulus whined. “Brother, stop!”

“Gladly!” Sirius pushed him towards James, who jumped off the couch to catch the Slytherin. “I am not tolerating you brawling like a commoner, or partaking in whatever the f*ck bullsh*t you feel like doing, all because you’re pissy about your tiff with James!”

James quickly removed his hands from the pouting Slytherin before Regulus had a chance to shake him off.

“I’m not pissy -”

“You two will go upstairs, NOW, talk your sh*t out, and maybe, just maybe, my offer from earlier will stand!”

The Black brothers stared each other down. Realizing anything he had to say right now would probably not work in his favor, James kept quiet, all but holding his breath to see how it played out.

His patience was rewarded.

“Fine!” Regulus snapped, unfolding his arms. “But understand that I will be VERY cross if you change your mind, Sirius.” With that, he swiveled on his heel, but his brother grabbed his arm before he could storm away. “What now?!”

Sirius held out his hand. “Wand.”

“Absolutely not -”

“WAND, REGULUS.”

Reaching into his boot, Regulus unsheathed his wand and passed it to his brother. He then stomped up the stairs without waiting for James.

Sirius sighed. “Don’t f*ck this up, Prongs.”

“I’ll try, mate,” James promised, handing over his own wand before Sirius could ask.

The nervous anticipation, the fear flowing through him was unfamiliar. James had never experienced it before a high-stakes Quidditch match, nor had he suffered from the anxiety many of his peers felt before a huge test - not even Sirius was immune to pre-game jitters (when they were going up against Slytherin), and Remus was unbearable to be around in the days leading up to an important exam.

But walking up the stairs to his own dormitory, James felt like he was on the precipice of a major, life-altering moment.

For more than a minute, they stared at each other in silence.

James wasn’t sure what was going through Regulus’s head, but his own brain went around in circles, he’s so pretty, I can’t believe he was hiding an arm sleeve tattoo under that jacket, I know it’s fake… wait, is it?... how do I get him to forgive me?... if he yells at me, I might cry, he’s so perfect, I hope he forgives me, even though I don’t deserve it… f*ck, how is he so beautiful even when he’s glaring like that?

“Here’s how this is going to go,” Regulus hissed, jolting James from his musings. “We are going to sit here in silence for the next fifteen minutes or so, then we will go downstairs and tell my brother that yes, we worked everything out, life is nothing but sunshine and daisies, and then we will spend the rest of the night coincidentally avoiding each other. Henceforth, in two days time, my brother will accompany me to Hogsmeade to uphold his end of our bargain, where I will select a kneazle of my choosing to be my forever companion, though the poor darling will have the misfortune of staying at your abode over the summer months until I am of age. Understood?”

Lips parting, James blinked owlishly at the onslaught of information. He had so many questions - What does being of age have to do with anything, if you’re still living at home?, You, Sirius, and myself already have owls, we can’t technically have another pet at Hogwarts, What do you think is going to happen when Sirius realizes you duped him?

Oh… oh wait, his best mate was a genius.

“Counter offer.” Bravely meeting the fuming Slytherin’s eyes, James removed one of the Sober-Up potions from his pocket. He quickly downed the liquid; he wasn’t really drunk at this point, but he wanted Regulus to know they were on the same level. “You and I actually talk about our issues -”

“Rejected.”

“And then I will take you to Hogsmeade over the weekend -”

“Adamantly rejected.”

“To pick out a kneazle of your choosing that we can claim is Remus’s if anyone were to ask,” and then we can raise the sweet darling together, two parents bound together by their mutual love of their furry child, oh it’s perfect.

“No, I like my plan better.”

Of course he did.

But six years of friendship with Sirius Black meant James was accustomed to standing his ground in the face of adversity. “Your plan won’t get very far if I tell Sirius you refused to listen to me -”

“Are you threatening me?!”

“And that poor kneazle will remain at Furs and Feathers, squished into a cage with a dozen others of its kind, another day passing in sorrow and despair, yearning for a chance to prove itself a worthy companion for a wizard of your standing.”

He smiled widely at Regulus’s bemused expression - yes, little snake, I’m not like other lions *cough* Aiden *cough*, you can’t walk all over me.

Unfortunately, Regulus’s confusion quickly changed to anger.

“You have some bloody nerve, James Potter!”

The Slytherin barreled towards him, teeth bared. James was slightly surprised when Regulus swung his left fist first, but he still deftly caught the punch before it could connect with his face. The right hook was even easier to block, but he didn’t miss Regulus’s hiss of pain when James grabbed his hand.

“You’re hurt,” James stated, almost smacking his own forehead, duh, even with proper technique, that punch to Ackerley’s face was brutal. “Let me help.”

Regulus’s lip curled. “You don’t have a wand, what are you going to do? Kiss it better?... Potter, Potter don’t you dare.”

Ah, but James did dare - he wasn’t as skilled as Sirius at wandless magic, but James Fleamont Potter was nothing if not stubborn (he was also better than his best mate at healing charms, at least with a wand).

The skin of Regulus’s hand became smooth and unblemished once more… James really shouldn’t have been surprised by the subsequent swat that connected with his cheek, Merlin, Potter what did you expect? A thank you?

It didn’t hurt, but he couldn’t tamp down his annoyance.

“You wanna fight, little snake?”

“Maybe I do!”

“Alright then. Standard rules.” James wasn’t sure if the Black brothers, or Slytherins in general, ever scuffled, probably too posh for that, but he deemed it wise to list them out, just to be on the safe side. “No crotch hits at all, that’s an automatic loss, no using anything else but your body, no maiming or murdering… you’re not getting a kneazle if you strangle me to death. The fight ends at first blood,” the intensity of Regulus’s expression gave him the willies, this is suicide, either he’ll kill you or Sirius will, “OR if someone forfeits. Got it?”

“And the stakes?”

James jutted his chin out. “If I win, you hear me out. If you win, I’ll go along with your plan.”

“And you’ll never tell Sirius the truth, even after tonight,” Regulus clarified, his eyes narrowed. “You can’t pull one over me, Potter.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Damnit, I’m sure there’s another loophole though… actually, who cares about a loophole, just don’t f*cking lose! “Ready?”

Standing opposite each other on the edge of the circular rug, James took stock of his opponent. They were mostly matched height wise, but Regulus was all lithe muscle, whereas James was bulkier - the Slytherin would be faster and quicker on his feet, he was sure of it. Normally, he would say he was stronger, but after seeing Regulus knockout a bloke twice James’s size… mmm, he’s not so confident about the stronger part.

“Go.”

Neither of them moved.

Regulus frowned, surely having expected James to move first. It was interesting to see the differences between the two brothers; Sirius usually went in fists flying, hoping to land a hit quickly to bring the fight to a swift end. He’d won a few that way, until James became more adept at catching his fists (or wrists, because Sirius had no qualms about scratching).

The Slytherin inched forward, cautious, his eyes alert and muscles coiled. James let him approach, keeping a slight bend in his knees.

“Scared, Regulus?” James taunted, maybe I can goad him into making a mistake like I can with his brother.

“You wish.”

His plan worked… kind of.

Regulus swung first, though James easily evaded it. “Ooh, nice try, little snake, better luck next time.”

Bouncing on the balls of his feet, he caught Regulus’s ankle when the Slytherin aimed a kick at him. Instead of using it to pull him off balance, James dropped it.

“Fight back, you coward! What kind of Gryffindor are you? Maybe you’re the one who is scared!”

“Sorry, just trying to come to terms with hitting someone so dainty,” James hummed, trying not to laugh at the younger’s indignant hiss.

He was playing with fire, he knew it, but he also really didn’t like the idea of hitting Regulus.

“I’ll show you dainty!”

Regulus charged at him. James didn’t move. He let the Slytherin wrap his arms around his middle and knock him onto his back… and then used their momentum to flip their positions.

The younger boy flailed underneath him, his fists swinging wildly. Catching both of them, James held them over Regulus’s head.

“Pinned ya,” he smirked, his thighs bracketing Regulus’s hips. “Do you give up?”

“Never!” Regulus spat, glaring up at him. “If you want to win, Potter, you’re going to have to hit me.”

Why must he be so stubborn?!... and why do I find it beyond endearing?

“Orrrr,” James drawled. “We can just stay like this, while I apologize.”

“Those aren’t the rules!”

“Oh darling, I’m a Marauder, I believe rules exist solely to be broken... at least, most of them.”

“How very Slytherin of you,” Regulus sneered. “What are your precious Gryffindors going to say when they learn there’s a snake in lion’s clothing in their midst?”

“I, quite frankly, do not care what they have to say about it,” he shrugged. “Now, as I was saying -” Unexpectedly, Regulus arched up, his jean-clad crotch brushing against James’s own.

Then, oh sweet Godric, then… a little, breathy moan escaped the Slytherin’s lips, sending all of James’s blood rushing downwards. “You were saying?”

“I, um, yes, I was s-saying -” Again, Regulus pressed their crotches together, harder than last time. “What… what are you doing?”

“I had a dream like this once,” Regulus admitted, licking his bottom lip, this is bad, very bad, he’s doing this on purpose, you cannot give in to his advances! Either he’ll keep going, and you won’t get a chance to talk, or he’ll wallop you a new one… neither scenario is a win for you in the long run! “Only, there was a lot more snogging.”

“Oh?” James breathed. f*ck, he wanted to grind down so bad, wanted more friction, wanted to feel Regulus trembling underneath him, but they needed to talk, plus Regulus didn’t deserve a quick, raunchy hook-up, he deserved to be wined and dined, deserved to be worshipped.

“I think you should snog me.”

Deep breath.

“You think, huh?”

“I want you to snog me... please, James?”

It was the first time Regulus had called him 'James' since the fight with Aiden, and it was enough for him to throw all common sense out of the window.

James slammed their lips together with a mortifying lack of finesse, but Regulus responded just as aggressively. Their teeth clacked together, but it didn’t matter, not when he’d wanted this for so much longer than he’d ever realized, he’s so beautiful, f*ck, I want to give him the world.

Attention directed at worthier pursuits, James’s grip on Regulus’s hands loosened. Immediately sensing the slackened hold, the younger teen wrenched his hands free… only, rather than shoving the Gryffindor off, Regulus tangled his hands in James’s messy hair and pulled him closer.

Having his own hands free allowed James to readjust for better leverage. Resting his forearms on either side of Regulus, he finally, finally grinded his hips down. Even completely clothed, the friction was glorious. His co*ck continued to swell, his jeans now uncomfortably tight, and James moaned softly when he realized Regulus was fully hard beneath him.

Hands tugged at the hem of his shirt. “Off, take it off!”

“Bossy, aren’t you?” James teased, pressing open-mouthed kisses along Regulus’s jaw. “It’s cold, I think I’ll leave it on… unless you ask nicely, of course.”

The Slytherin glared up at him. “It’s hot as hades in here, first of all. And you’ve seen me without a shirt.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

“Yours, obviously.”

Rolling his eyes, James sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, he’s not wrong, it really is hot as f*ck in here.

Glancing down, he found Regulus had gone stark white beneath him. His gray eyes were glazed over, and he stared vacantly at what was above him, which just so happened to be James’s bare chest.

“Reg, are you okay? You look pale…er, than usual.”

“Fine, e-everything… it's fine.”

Trying not to panic, James was in the process of climbing off the youngest Black when Regulus grabbed his arm. “Tell me what you need, Reg. Water, maybe? I can go grab you a snack, or -”

Regulus’s smile turned coy again. “James Potter, you are the snack.”

“You gonna eat me?” he asked without conscious thought, f*ck, who says stupid sh*t like that, why am I like this?!

“I just might… kiss me again?” Lost in thought, James chewed on his bottom lip, he seems okay now, I dunno what that was about, maybe he got overheated? “Please, sunshine?”

f*ck.f*ck.

“Only because you asked nicely.”

This time, when James brought their lips together again, Regulus’s hands didn’t stay in his hair. Rather, they roamed all over his upper body, starting from his shoulders and then moving downward. At first, James thought maybe Regulus was trying to be ‘respectful’ with the way he kept them predominantly on his shoulders, upper arms, and pectoral muscles. But then he started thinking there might be more to it, so he conducted a little experiment; when Regulus's palm was sliding up his left pec, James flexed the muscle and uh… wow, the reaction he got - a deliciously indecent moan, Regulus arching his hips up, kissing with more vigor - very interesting results.

Breaking the kiss to catch his breath, he groaned. “f*cking hell, Reg, you’re… you’re so…” James trailed off, distracted by the sound Regulus made when he nibbled on his earlobe.

“I’m what? Don’t leave a bloke hanging, Potter!”

“Back to Potter again, hmm?” He pecked the Slytherin on the lips as he moved to the opposite ear. “So disappointing.”

“If you r-release me,” Regulus’s entire body shuddered when James nipped at his ear while simultaneously rolling his hips down, “oh f*ck… I might… I might reconsider reverting to your first name.”

Lifting himself up so Regulus could see his face, he smirked. “Potter it is, then.”

“James,” the Slytherin whined intoxicatingly, “don’t tease, it’s mean.”

Peppering kisses across the pale, porcelain skin, James purred, “You like it though, love.” He pressed their erections together to prove his point. “Don’t you?”

“I like it better when you snog me,” Regulus huffed, jutting his bottom lip out, he definitely knows how irresistible that is.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful,” James murmured before capturing his lips in another heated kiss.

His breath hitched when Regulus’s fingers ghosted across his abdominal muscles, though it quickly turned into a heady moan when short nails raked down his back.

“f*ck,” Regulus panted, “f*ck, you’re not allowed to say I’m beautiful, not when… not when you look like that.”

James frowned at the boy below him. “What’s that mean?”

“What do you think it means?!” Regulus tried to reconnect their lips, but James turned his head to the side… subsequently granting him prime access to his neck, oh good Godric, can’t decide if that was a bad decision or… great, very great, best ever. “It means you’re hot as f*ck, as you bloody well know!”

“You… you think, ah f*ck… you think I’m hot?”

Plenty of people at Hogwarts found him attractive, which was nice and all, definitely good for the ego, but James didn’t really care. But Regulus thinking he’s hot made him feel… euphoric, for starters.

“Clearly.” Merlin, so much sarcasm in one word. “Now, shut up and put that mouth of yours to better use, James Potter.”

No, no no no, he doesn’t mean it like that, get your mind out of the gutter… a quick look at Regulus’s face revealed that might not necessarily be the case, but James brought their lips together again anyways.

“f*ck, Reg, do that… do that again,” James growled when Regulus released his bottom lip from between his teeth. Huffing a laugh, Regulus, for once, did as he was asked, even holding still long enough for James to try it himself.

“Your lips are plumper than mine,” the Slytherin giggled, sensing his frustrations. “That makes it easier. But you gotta suck first,” Regulus sucked James's bottom lip into his mouth to prove his point. “Then you use your teeth, like this.” He demonstrated again. “Wanna try?”

“Think I need a few more practice demonstrations, Professor. If you’d be so kind, that is.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but obliged his request. After a particularly sharp nip, James’s mouth suddenly had a coppery-tang to it.

Leaning back, James blinked dumbly down at the droplet of blood on Regulus’s lip. Brushing his thumb across his own, he was somehow shocked when it came back smeared with blood.

“First blood,” Regulus said with a languid smile. His tongue darted out to lick his lip clean. “Looks like I win.”

First blood. Looks like I win.

Right, their competition, the one James forgot entirely about, having gotten too wrapped up in… well, Regulus.

It meant nothing to him, you knew that from the onset, so it's not like you have a right to be mad about it, James bitterly reminded himself. It was all apart of his plan to win, you are so f*cking naïveif you ever thought it meant anything more. You ruined his chance of scoring with Aiden, so what better way to get back at you?

“James?”

It wasn’t the sound of his name that startled him into action, rather, the hand that touched his cheek.

“Congrats,” James said, unable to look at the Slytherin as he scrambled off him. “You go ahead, I’ll be down in a bit. I promise to stick to your story.”

“Let me heal your lip, at least.”

“You don’t have a wand,” James pointed out.

Regulus snorted. “I’m a Black. I don’t need a wand for basic spells.”

“Fine.”

James kept his gaze lowered as the younger teen scooted back into his space. Gently gripping his chin, Regulus lifted his head up. Gray eyes scanned his face… James wasn’t sure what he expected, but he definitely did not anticipate Regulus pressing their lips together again.

“All better.”

Again, James brought his hand up to his lip - the skin had knitted back together. “Er, thanks.”

He nodded but didn’t move. “James -”

“Please just leave, Regulus. You won. What more is there?”

Clenching his jaw, Regulus didn’t respond for several moments. James was just about to flee into the lavatory when the silence was broken. “When I was about three or four, my brother and I were quarreling about something. Out of nowhere, he bit my cheek so hard it bled.”

Regulus stared expectantly at James, what the f*ck am I supposed to say to that? “Uh, your brother has bitten me a few times, but he only drew blood the time he bit my ear.”

“I bit Sirius's ear in retaliation once, and it bled like a bitch. It was very gross.”

That expectant look remained.

For two boys who grew up in a family obsessed with blood purity and the superiority of their own, neither had any qualms about biting something hard enough to draw blood… suppose from that perspective, it’s not so bad if they bite each other, but still.

“Why’d you kiss me, James?”

“Because I wanted to.”

Regulus frowned. “Erm… this is the part where you ask me why I kissed you.”

“Why? Like you’d give me a straight answer?" James scoffed. "Honestly, Regulus, I’m tired of this. I’d like you to leave now.”

A red flush crawled up Regulus’s neck, spreading across his cheeks. “There’s nothing straight about any of this!” He leapt to his feet and started irritably pacing across the floor. “Let me lay it out for you, since you’re choosing to be incredibly obtuse tonight. As we have previously established, I am well educated on the many places upon a person’s face where I can sink my teeth into to draw blood. Perhaps then, you assume I was toying with you, a two-for-one type deal, I suppose. But I can assure you, James Potter, from the moment you kissed me, that asinine competition was the LAST thing on my mind.”

“Yeah, what came before it, then?” James’s wounded pride made him atypically petty. “Wishing you were back with Aiden?”

Regulus looked at him like he was a Flobberworm he had to touch with his bare hands. “What were you thinking of, hmm? Picturing me as Lily Evans instead?”

“At least Lily wouldn’t spend her evening snogging another bloke, then come in here and manipulate my feelings for her just to one-up me!”

A look of hurt flashed across the younger boy’s face before his mask fell back into place. “Right, forgive me. Of course, you’d want your precious Gryffindor Princess over some nasty, villainous Slytherin.” He stormed across the room, though when he reached the door, he swiveled back around. “You want to know the reason I snogged Aiden?” Bracing himself, James nodded. “Fine. Technically there were two reasons. One, to piss off his wanker-of-an-ex, who's also weirdly obsessed with me, and two, I wanted to make you jealous.”

James blinked, then blinked again, he can’t possibly be insinuating… “Why?”

“BECAUSE I HAVE A MASSIVE GAY CRUSH ON YOU, POTTER, WHY ELSE?!”

“... oh?!”

With a look of disdain, Regulus attempted to open the door… only to find it locked. “Let me go, Potter!”

James knew he didn’t consciously lock the door, and he’s also fairly certain his accidental magic didn’t do it either. But whatever the case, it was giving him a second chance. “Regulus, let me explain, everything, please, I like you too -”

“Bollocks!”

You know the Black brothers are stubborn, hold fast and brave the storm, that’s what Remus always says. “I do like you, though I was blind and didn’t realize it until earlier this evening -”

“Yeah, is that so? Then, I’m dying to hear your justification for believing the words of some random child over me!”

James sighed. “I did believe you -”

“Don’t patronize me, Potter, you can’t suddenly say you believe me when all evidence points to -”

“WOULD YOU LET ME f*ckING SPEAK?” Regulus’s mouth dropped open when James suddenly yelled at him, and the Gryffindor rushed to take advantage of the silence he was certain would not last. “I pretended not to believe you because it would make my plan futile otherwise.”

Stormy gray eyes squinted suspiciously. “What plan?”

“And you accuse me of purposefully being obtuse?” James snorted, raising his hands placating at Regulus’s livid expression. “Regulus, I sent Paddington over to you, I gave him free reign to accomplish the mission as he saw fit -”

“WHAT MISSION?!”

“I wanted an excuse to kick Aiden out.”

“Why?” Regulus snapped. “What did he do to you?”

“Nothing!” Frustrated, James ran a hand through his hair. “I was jealous because he was the one you were spending so much time with, and he was the one you were snogging, and I wanted to be in his place, but how could I do that if he was still around?”

“How dare you lie to me by making up such codswallop!”

“I’m not lying -”

“You’ve spent most of the night cozying up to Lily Evans, who everyone in this forsaken castle knows you’re head over heels for!”

Something in his tone set warning bells going off in James’s head. He ignored them. “Regulus, were you… were you jealous of Lily?” Oh, the irony if that were the case… especially when one took into consideration how James drove the redhead, who’s become a close friend of his in recent months, absolutely spare this evening with his whinging about Regulus (she offered good advice at first, but when she correctly concluded he wouldn’t be taking any of it, she then switched to lecturing him about either manning up or moving on). “You were, weren’t you?”

Regulus furiously rattled the doorknob. “Let me out, before I blast this door open, and then you can explain to your roommates… AND McGonagall, why you suddenly don’t have a door!”

Slowly, James rose to his feet. Hands raised to his chest, he inched towards the fuming Slytherin. “I’m not judging you, Reg, I was boiling mad watching you and Aiden together. But I swear, you have nothing to worry about, Lily is just a friend.”

Regulus whirled around to face him. “I’m NOT jealous over some redheaded trollop!” His nose scrunched up. “Sorry, that was impolite. But you’ve been obsessed with her for years, and sure, you’re just friends now, but clearly she’s letting you hang around her, so it’s only a matter of time -”

“Lily and I snogged once, near the end of last year,” James interjected, standing right in front of Regulus. “She sent me a note in History of Magic, asked me to meet her at midnight in the Astronomy Tower. I thought she was finally going to agree to go on a date with me… but she had something else in mind. She said I only liked an idea of her I had in my head, and she would prove it to me. Then she snogged me -”

“And she was a horrible kisser?” Regulus ‘finished’ for him. “People can improve their snogging skills, you know.”

Good Godric, it’s like he wants James to date Lily instead. “It was fine, but it was like kissing a sibling. Or so I’d assume.” He sighed loudly when the skeptical look stayed on Regulus’s unfairly pretty face. “I am about to tell you something you must swear to never repeat to anyone, ESPECIALLY Sirius. If he ever found out, I’d know precisely who to blame.”

Regulus held out his pinky, he’s so f*cking cute, how is he even real?!

James completed the pinky promise. “At Sirius’s birthday party this year, she got super f*cking drunk. I was helping her back into her dorm since the other girls were in no position to assist… also for the record, I dunno if you know this, but the girls’ staircase is enchanted to turn into a slide when a bloke tries to use it, but it didn't for us, so take from that what you will. She was brushing her teeth when she turned to me and said she’s glad we snogged last year, because it made her realize how much she actually cared for me, and I quote, ‘Snogging you wasn’t bad per se, not like that time I convinced myself McLaggen was attractive. It was more like when Sev and I snogged after I got my Hogwarts letter, ‘cept loads weirder, cuz younger-Lily, before she realized Sev was like her brother, thought she was gonna marry him in the future.’"

“Oh… ouch.”

Major ouch, but alas.

“So, yeah… anywho, I’d really like the Hogsmeade trip in two days to be our first date. And I know technically you’re supposed to go on a few dates before asking, but I’m gonna swipe my nose at tradition and ask you to be my boyfriend now, rather than later, if you’d be so obliging.”

“Oh.”

“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, ‘oh’ isn’t a possible answer,” James teased, though internally, he was freaking out, what if I overstepped? Or read this wrong? What if he only wants to be friends with benefits -

“Boyfriend or secret boyfriend?”

f*ck.

“Which one would you say yes to?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Both -”

“Boyfriends!” James cried, grabbing the Slytherin’s hands. “You really mean it, Reg? You’ll be my not-secret boyfriend?”

“Yes, James, I do.”

“Bit early for the ‘I do’s’, so let’s save those for later, hmm?” the Gryffindor quipped. He giggled at Regulus’s pained groan, though it reminded him… “You’re not saying yes just so I’ll touch your co*ck, right?”

Regulus gently flicked him in the forehead. “Correct, I am saying yes because I want nothing more than to be your boyfriend, James. However, with that being said, I really wouldn’t be opposed -”

James kissed his boyfriend soundly on the lips, eeeeek, I have the hottest boyfriend in the school, everyone is going to be so jealous!

“I want to do right by you, Reg. Taking things slow, going on lots of dates, showering you with attention, affection, gifts,” so many gifts, I’m going to buy him the world, I don’t care if his family is even more disgustingly rich than mine, “and then we can move onto the sexual stuff, when you’re ready -”

“When we’re both ready,” Regulus interrupted, his tone steely. “A relationship is two people, James, and it doesn’t matter who’s ready, if the other one is not.”

“You’re perfect,” James whispered, his heart squeezing in his chest.

“Bold words coming from the Gryffindor Golden Boy.”

“But… wait, what about your parents?”

Regulus smirked. “What are they going to do? Disown me? They dug their own graves by being insufferable enough for Sirius to flee. He warned them dozens of times, but they didn’t believe him.”

They both jumped when someone pounded on the door.

“Guess big brother Siri got impatient,” the Slytherin scoffed.

“Sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem, Captain!” one of the Prewett twins yelled.

James and Regulus shared an ‘oh f*ck’ look.

Sirius… oh, Sirius what did you do?

“We can fix it,” James murmured, pressing a kiss to Regulus’s forehead. “Whatever happened, we can fix it.” He wasn’t sure which one of them he was trying to convince.

Regulus nodded. “Together.”

Yanking the door open, “What’s wrong?” James demanded, looking between the twins.

“Nothing yet,” one said, holding their hands up. “It’s an incoming problem.”

“McGonagall?”

The other twin, sad how I can’t tell them apart after all these years, shuddered. “Worse.”

“Dumbledore?”

“Worse!”

Regulus’s eyes widened. “Narcissa.”

“Clearly, Baby Reg is the brains in this… friendship?”

Proudly, James snaked an arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “Relationship.” He frowned at their matching grimaces. “Is that a problem?”

“This union… is it -”

“Big brother approved?”

Regulus scoffed. “Yes -”

“Sirius even gave me his blessing!” James added excitedly, though he scowled when he noticed the three skeptical expressions directed his way. “He did, I swear.”

“‘Blessing’ isn’t the word I’d use,” Regulus sniffed. “Unless…?” Crossing his arms over his chest, James repeated word for word what his best mate said to him. “Funny how my brother did not mention that when he told me what he said to you in the hallway, that sneakybastard.”

The first twin, Gideon, perhaps, smirked. “Sure sounds like a blessing to me! Good on ya, Captain. Better not go easy on him during Quidditch matches, though.”

“That would be an automatic deal breaker,” Regulus nodded. “Now, I know how distractible you two are. Where is my lovely cousin, Fabian?”

James’s stomach sank. Narcissa Black making an appearance at Sirius Black’s shindig screamed drama.

The twin he thought was Gideon but was actually Fabian… unless they were too nice to correct the younger Slytherin… started the tale. “So you see, we had to make a kitchen run.”

“Don’t trust the cherubs to do it without getting caught.”

“And we saw her making her way up to the Tower.”

“She could be going somewhere else.”

“But we doubt it,” they finished in unison.

“You didn’t try to derail her?” James asked.

“Blimey, no!” Fabian cried.

“She gives us the willies,” Gideon added… his shudder didn’t seem to be faked.

Regulus grabbed James's hand. “Well, lead the way.”

They made it precisely two steps before Sirius came clomping up the stairs. “Oi! Gideon, Fab, what’s going on?! Rem said he saw you two gents storming up here -” His eyes landed on Regulus and James’s joined hands. “Oh? Explain that first, please and thank you.”

The youngest Black raised his nose in the air, easily sliding into his ‘haughty Pureblood persona’, as James dubbed it in his head. “Your services will no longer be needed in two days' time. James will be escorting me to Hogsmeade for our first date, which will include a trip to Furs and Feathers -”

With another deafening squeal, Sirius launched himself at his brother. “Finally, finally! I told you so, didn’t I, Reggie? Told you that you just had to stay persistent, ahh, I am so happy for you guys!” James was pleasantly surprised when no threats of bodily harm, or any other kind of harm, were whispered in his ear when Sirius hugged him next. “I will of course be accompanying you to the pet shop, this is a momentous occasion, but we can go first thing, right as they open -”

“You will not.”

“Pardon?” Sirius asked, co*cking his head to the side.

“You’re not coming to Furs and Feathers with us.”

The twins exchanged a look, and then Gideon muttered, “Er, we’ll run interference if she shows while you’re uh… occupied up here.”

Take me with you! James mentally cried, watching despondently as they disappeared from view.

“What are you going on about, Reggie? Of course, I’m going! You’ve been talking about getting a kneazle since you were like four, and now it’s finally happening!”

“It is happening, and you can meet him or her later, back at Hogwarts.”

Sirius’s nostrils flared. “This is not a negotiation, brother, I’m coming, and that’s final.” He glowered at James. “Unless you have a problem with that?”

“Nope!” James fervently shook his head. “No problem here, so long as Regulus is okay with it -”

“Which he isn’t! And since James will be paying,” not sure I specifically agreed to that, but at least it means I can begin showering him with gifts right away, “I’m not seeing where you fit into that, brother.”

“I do not like your tone, Regulus,” the eldest Black brother growled.

“I don’t care!” he yelled. “You’re not coming, get your own date, you are not crashing mine!!”

Oh f*ck, oh f*ck, I do not want to be in the middle of this power struggle, Godric, please help me.

“Since you seem to have forgotten, little brother, let me remind you; from the moment you were born, I have ensured you were fed, watered, and clothed, I kissed your booboos better, comforted you when you were upset, I taught you how to fly, how to hold a wand, how to read the books you love so much. I am the bloke who bloody well RAISED you, Regulus Arcturus, and while I have never asked for anything in return, I will not be usurped by your paramour!”

By the end of Sirius’s speech, Regulus had hung his head, an action that caused his curls to cover most of his face. In spite of their height difference, with his posture slumped the way it was, he looked so incredibly small standing there in front of his older brother, it made something ache in James’s heart. He knew Sirius had picked up a lot of the slack of their absentee parents, but until now, he didn’t fully understand how much that had impacted the relationship between the two brothers.

“I’m sorry,” Regulus murmured weakly. “I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean it like that, no one could ever replace you, Sirius, including my un-secret boyfriend. I just… I mean this respectfully, but I took it as you wanting to chaperone my date.”

Sirius sniffed. “That was not my intention… and perhaps I may have been slightly oversensitive in my reaction.”

“Only slightly?” Remus laughed, bounding up the stairs. He threw an arm over Sirius’s shoulder. “Not even sure what you’re fighting about, but calling James your brother’s paramour seems pretty prickly of you.”

James internally breathed a sigh of relief when Sirius’s anger vanished at the appearance of their best werewolf pal. “James is now my brother’s boyfriend, actually. And they tried to -”

“Correction, I believe you meant, ‘Regulus tried to’.” James smiled winningly at the younger’s exasperated huff. “I was not a part of this narrative.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Regulus tried to uninvite me from his trip to Furs and Feathers to choose his first kneazle, since it’s now a part of his date with James. We got in a row about it.”

“Well yeah, that makes sense,” Remus mused. “Why would he want you tagging along on his date, Padfoot?”

There was no triumphant, ‘Ha, told you so!’ moment from Regulus.

Instead, he innocently said, “Well, my brother wouldn’t be awkwardly tagging along if he had his own date.”

Adopting his best, ‘I’m-a-good-person-who-has-never-schemed-in-his-life' persona, James cried, “Ooh, Moony, you should come, too! It’d be super fun.”

Raising an eyebrow, Sirius hummed, “You in?”

“As a part of a group date,” James clarified.

Remus shrugged. “Kneazles don’t really like me, but yeah, sure.”

“Uh, hold on.” Regulus scowled at his sibling. “I think the f*ck not… good gracious, Lupin, have some self-respect!”

“You need to learn some respect, brother -”

“Sirius, ask him properly! Lupin deserves a little more effort than a bland, ‘You in, bro?’, don’t you think?”

Oh f*ck, I am going to die before the end of the year.

James nodded. “I completely agree with Regulus.”

“Of course you do,” Sirius grumbled. Rolling back his shoulders, he snapped, “Fine! You want proper, I’ll show you proper.” No one was surprised when he dropped to one knee and grabbed Remus’s hand. “Remus John Lupin, will you accompany thee, Sirius Orion -”

“Black,” Regulus muttered when his sibling trailed off. Without lowering his voice, which was only marginally softer than his normal tone, he turned to James and said, “One never really gets used to the secondhand embarrassment when dealing with my brother, do they?”

Sirius wouldn’t be deterred. “Not sure I actually have a surname anymore -”

“You do.”

“Reggie -”

“They cannot take it away from you.”

“Mmm, actually…”

“I won’t LET them!”

“You may not be given a choice.”

“And if they somehow find a way!” Regulus shrieked, splotches of crimson forming on his cheeks, “I’ll get it back brother, I solemnly vow it.”

“You can borrow mine in the meantime,” Remus offered. He winked at James, who had laughed loudly at the cheeky suggestion.

It was enough to regain Sirius’s attention. “Lovely, thanks. Ahem… will you, Remus John Lupin, accompany thee, Sirius Orion Black-Lupin,” his nose wrinkled, “Sirius Orion Lupin-Black, to Hogsmeade in two days’ time, on a group date with our best mate, James Fleamont -”

“Fleamont?” Regulus snorted.

Sticking his tongue out, James then playfully licked the Slytherin’s cheek. “It’s a family name, you git… and like you can talk, Mr. Arcturus.”

“It’s a family name, you git,” the younger mocked.

“POTTER, and Sirius Orion Lupin-Black’s bratty little brother, Regulus Arcturus Black?”

Dropping a kiss on Sirius’s hand, Remus purred, “It would be the highest of honors to join you in this quest, darling.”

“Oh… o-okay, great!”

“Sir, sir!” Paddington cried, nearly tripping on the last step. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw Sirius on one knee, still holding hands with Remus. “Sir?”

“Don’t ask, mate. What’s up?”

“The Prewett twins need you downstairs, pronto."

James’s gaze slid to Regulus’s, who he found already looking at him - they both grimaced.

Chapter 8: The Get Together

Chapter Text

Paddington refused to spill the beans on what was wrong, claiming he didn’t know what they needed, but he’s ‘sure it was nothing bad.’

The party was still going strong when they arrived, it's crazy how much has changed since I was last down here. Sharing a smile with Regulus, James offered his hand, slightly relieved when the Slytherin interlocked their fingers. He knew Regulus said he didn’t want to be James’s ‘secret boyfriend’, but that could have so many different meanings! Maybe he meant he didn’t want to keep it a secret from his brother and his close friends, but that's it.

The new couple made it to the portrait hole first. Remus had been waylaid by a group of sobbing third-years, and Sirius stayed with him to ensure the soft-hearted Marauder didn’t get cajoled into refereeing another fight, even if this one was just of the emotional kind.

She’s awfully dressed-up for someone crashing a party, James thought to himself when he saw Narcissa Black. Unless she’s here to party?

Under the guise of acting as the welcoming committee, the twins blocked her path forward.

“I’m only here to see Regulus,” she said, her chin lifted proudly. “Your… party may continue, so long as it’s kept to the confines of the Common Room.”

“Your excellency,” Fabian crooned, dropping onto one knee and bowing his head “we are most humbled by your graciousness.”

“Many blessings upon you in the New Year, your majesty,” Gideon intoned, mimicking his brother’s position.

“We are thankful you have so generously honored us lowly commoners with your esteemed presence.”

“The townsfolk will remember this moment for the rest of our pathetic, meaningless lives.”

Maybe James really did need his glasses prescription checked, because he could have sworn Sirius and Regulus’s most aloof cousin almost smiled. “See to it that my benevolence is remembered and revered in the coming year. You are dismissed.”

Not needing to be told twice, they scampered off, though not before dipping into a synchronized bow.

Narcissa’s gaze swept up and down James’s form. Her lip curled, but she didn’t say anything to him.

“Regulus, are you well?” she asked cordially.

The youngest Black nodded. “My brother has ensured I am well taken care of. Are you -”

“Cissa!” the brother in question cried, sounding uncharacteristically chipper when faced with his cousin. “You made it!”

Her polite expression morphed into outrage.

“So, not only are you a blood traitor, cousin,” she spat the word ‘cousin’ like it was an actual slur, “but you’re a thief as well?”

Sirius’s cheerfulness disappeared. “Thief?! How dare you -”

“No, how dare YOU!” She poked him in the chest with her wand. “I will give you the benefit of the doubt that perhaps your brother lent you the earrings I bought for him, but I was there when Andromeda purchased that top! And she never lent out her things, not even to you!”

“The Head Girl drawing her wand on another student is probably not the sort of example you’d like to set, especially given the current environment,” Remus said pleasantly.

“I’ll have you know, Andromeda gifted me this top for my sixteenth birthday.” Ignoring his incensed cousin, who had re-sheathed her wand, small miracles do happen, Sirius turned to his brother… wearing an expression eerily similar to Narcissa's. “Regulus Arcturus, you REGIFTED me something a family member bought for you?!”

“I would never!” Regulus cried, clutching his hands to his chest. “This is all a misunderstanding!”

“If you cannot explain,” Narcissa said icily when her youngest cousin fell silent, “then I can only assume that’s because you do not have an explanation, and your brother is in fact a thief -”

“You better watch it, Cissa!”

“Or what? I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be!”

Their bickering was enough to snap Regulus out of his panic. “Would you two put a f*cking cork in it?! Sweet Merlin and Morgana, it’s the same thing every bloody time you’re in a room together!” All four of them gaped at the normally cool and collected boy. “Which personally, I find to be ironic, because you two are INCREDIBLY similar!”

“We are not!”

“I am nothing like HER!”

She raised a condescending eyebrow. “As if you could ever be so fortunate -”

“I lied, okay?!” Regulus admitted, regaining their attention. “And for the record, I feel bad about doing so. But the shopkeeper wouldn’t sell me the gift certificate because I was underage, and since Justin was with me at the time, he was refused service as well, so I -”

“Tricked me into doing it by saying you wanted to celebrate your coming of age by getting your ears pierced and a tattoo to ‘commemorate our noble family’?” Narcissa finished coolly. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”

Regulus’s shoulders slumped. “Because if I told you it was for Siri, I assumed you’d say no.”

“You willingly purchased a gift certificate to a tattoo and piercing place for Regulus on his fifteenth birthday?” Sirius asked bewilderedly. “To save for his seventeenth birthday? Why?!”

Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she shrugged. “It’s not my place to dictate what he does to his body. So long as he understands the potential risks and ramifications of his actions, he may mutilate himself however he sees fit. It was the only gift he’s ever asked for, and although I found it strange… whatever, it’s Regulus, he’s always been weird.”

“Cheers,” the younger Slytherin drawled.

James pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “We can be weird together.”

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times, before hissing, “Oh, so if Regulus wants a tattoo, that’s alright, but when I talk about getting one, it’s ‘disgraceful’?”

“You have terrible taste, Regulus does not.”

Before they could get into it… again… Regulus interjected. “You both have exquisite taste! In fact, it was Narcissa who picked out all of the jewelry in that box.”

“All of it was beautiful,” Remus remarked, placing a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. “As you have said so yourself, many times.”

Narcissa and Sirius stared silently at each other for a ridiculous amount of time.

“Cissa, will you stay for a bit?” Regulus turned hopefully to his brother. “Can she stay, please, Siri?”

Sirius exhaled in a puff. “She might have taken ‘fashionably late’ to extreme levels, but she was invited.”

“Yes,” the blonde sneered, “the slow acting poison on the parchment made me think I was really welcome here.”

Regulus kicked his brother. “Tell me you didn't!”

“Bella would have found it funny,” Sirius grumbled, rubbing his leg with a petulant frown.

“I am not Bellatrix!”

Sirius pursed his lips. “Obviously not. For all her craziness, at least Bella knows how to have a good time.”

Ever the peacemaker, Remus quickly cut in with, “Narcissa, is it true you’re Slytherin’s reigning champion in poker?”

“And you talk about Remus robbing us blind!” Marlene griped, as Sirius gleefully counted his winnings. Several people nodded in agreement, and a few irritably threw their cards onto the table, James among them. “Since when were you good at poker?”

The table they’d used earlier had previously been relocated to a different corner of the Common Room, safely away from the packed dance floor. Sitting on pillows conjured by Narcissa, because Merlin forbid they sit on the ground, Lily, James, Regulus, Sirius, and Remus were on one side of the table; opposite them was Crouch, Regulus’s blonde female Ravenclaw friend, Narcissa, Marlene, and Mary.

“Another?” Regulus asked brightly, sounding exceptionally cheerful for someone who’d yet to win a single round and lost approximately 15 galleons in less than an hour - mostly to his older sibling, but a few were won by his cousin. He placed another 5 galleons on the table. “I’m feeling lucky this time.” James willed himself not to blush when his boyfriend bumped their shoulders together.

“Rich prats,” the blonde Ravenclaw girl huffed without malice… James should probably learn her name, but eh.

Under the table, hidden from view of everyone else, Sirius discreetly pushed a few galleons into his brother’s hand… which were immediately pushed back. “Reggie, don’t be daft,” he hissed, “you don’t want to waste your allowance on a drunken poker game.”

The Slytherin shook his head, his expression a familiar one - pigheaded determinedness. “I have plenty of money, you won fair and square.” He chugged the rest of his drink, slamming his empty cup onto the table. “Wanna get a refill, James?”

“Regulus.”

“I said no, brother!”

Sirius's scowl intensified when James shifted like he was going to stand up. “You’re not playing again if you don’t take it!”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Sirius.”

Neither of them seemed to notice when the blonde Ravenclaw reached for Regulus’s empty cup, then walked away with Crouch. After a brief moment of hesitation, Narcissa followed, and in no time at all, everyone but the two quarreling Black brothers, James, and Remus were left.

“I sure as sh*t can!”

“No!” Regulus screeched again, his cheeks reddening, either from the alcohol he’d been steadily consuming since they returned to the Common Room, or the curious stares they were getting from the other partygoers. James discreetly casted a muffling charm around them. “It’s your money, so you should keep it.”

“And since it’s my money, I’m giving it to you.” With an air of smugness, Sirius dropped the galleons into Regulus’s lap.

“Yeah? Well, fine!” The Slytherin then dumped them into James’s lap, who very much did not want to be a part of this narrative either. “Then, I’m giving it to James.”

Stacking the coins on the table, James slid the pile between the two brothers without meeting either of their gazes. “I’m not sure what the big deal is, but alas, I must politely decline your generous offer, seeing as how I have plenty of my own money and don’t need anyone else's.”

“Well, I don’t NEED it either!” Regulus growled, flinging them off the table, back into his brother’s lap.

Sirius didn’t react right away. He stared vacantly into the distance, before slowly turning his head to look at the younger boy next to him.

“But I do need it?” Sirius whispered tightly; everything about him, from the tone of his voice, to his posture, to the hardened look in his eyes indicated he was seconds away from losing his temper.

“Yes,” Regulus nodded, sounding relieved. “Glad we’re in accordance.”

A vein in Sirius’s temple throbbed. “Regulus Arcturus, we are NOT in accordance… I don’t need your pity handouts!”

“It’s not pity.” The Slytherin maintained an even tone, but based on the rapid rise and fall of his chest, it seemed like he was on the verge of hyperventilating. James tried to catch Remus’s eye, but the werewolf was gazing intensely at Sirius in a way that did nothing for his nerves.

“So happy to finally be the heir, just like you always wanted, yeah?” Sirius spat. “Wanna rub it in my face that you’re set to inherit everything, is that it?” His voice turned mocking. “Aw, poor wittle Siri, he needs his baby brother to look after him now that their parents finally made good on the threat they’d held over his head for a goddamned decade!”

“It’s your money, too!” Regulus tried to reach for his brother’s hands, but Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. “Please, Siri… you have to take it!”

“Even without James’s parents taking me in, I have plenty of money, Regulus. And when I graduate I can get this thing called a job, so thank you, but no thank you, I don’t need your scraps!”

“NO! It’s not… it’s not like that, I swear!... and I know we haven’t talked about it… not since you left… you have to take it, please… I won’t hold it over you, I won’t… it’s not fair, Sirius, it’s not fair… and I hate that… that things are the way they are now… it’s supposed to be ours, not mine, I don’t wanna be the heir -” To their shock, the Slytherin then burst into tears. “I don’t wanna be the heir… cuz it means you’re gone… and now you’re… now you’re poor… and it’s not RIGHT, brother, it’s not… it’s not right!”

Sirius froze at the sight of his normally stoic brother breaking into gut-wrenching sobs in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room, but James reacted instinctively, pulling the distressed Slytherin into a tight embrace.

“Your brother saved plenty of money before he left.” James wasn’t sure if he was supposed to admit that, but oops, too late. He rubbed soothing circles onto his boyfriend’s back. “And my parents will make sure he has everything he needs. I promise, love, he’s in good hands.”

“What ‘bout his wants, though?!” Regulus wailed, a fresh wave of tears seeping into James’s shirt. “He has… he has expensive taste! If he was h-home, he could have everything he wanted, I’d make sure of it!”

The eldest Black brother finally regained his bearings. “Aww, come here, little star.” He repeatedly poked his brother in the side until Regulus finally moved. “I’m sorry I left you, but I had to -”

“I know,” Regulus sniffled. “M’glad you ran away.” Chin resting on Sirius’s shoulder, he must have noticed Remus’s discomfited expression. “Because you’re happy now, like… like you’re supposed to be. But I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Reggie, so, so much. You should -”

“I’m not leaving.” Sirius sighed like he expected that answer, but was still disappointed nonetheless. “I just gotta wait it out. The moment I come of age, I’ll make things right, I swear to you, brother. This will not stand, nope nope nope.” Regulus started muttering indecipherably to himself under his breath.

The Marauders exchanged a series of looks.

“How do you figure?” James timidly asked when no one else would. “I don’t think you can re-inherit someone who’s been disowned.”

“Yeah? Says who?”

Drying Regulus’s tears with a drink napkin, then James’s shirt with a flick of his hand, Sirius clicked his tongue. “Pretty sure Father would have something to say on that matter.” He blinked at his brother’s mulish expression. “Reggie… no, patricide is frowned upon in all circles, not just stuffy Purebloods.”

Regulus shrugged. “Only if you get caught.”

“And regardless, Mother would have something to say on the matter, even if Father snuffed it!”

“Yes, well, we live in a patriarchal society, so she can say whatever she wants, but she has no power to stop me!” No villainous laughter followed the pronouncement, but in his mind’s eye, James saw Regulus petting a huge, fluffy, uppity-looking kneazle while revealing his Technically-Evil-But-Actually-Kind-of-Sweet Plan.

Discreetly beckoning Narcissa back over, Sirius waited until she was close enough to be included within their muffling charm to hiss, “Please dissuade your cousin from his current plan of action, he’s got some wonky idea all of a sudden about getting me readmitted back into the fold! His heart is in the right place, but despite what we were taught, murder is illegal even if you don’t get caught!" He threw his hands in the air. "And besides, offing your sire probably invokes a lot of bad karma!”

Narcissa gaped at the youngest Black, allowing Regulus the opportunity to plead his case. “If I was the head of the family, I’d make it so Andie could come back too.” He sniffed adorably, wow, how could anyone ever say no to him?! “And her baby.”

“HER WHAT?!” Sirius gasped, though James noted Narcissa didn’t look surprised by the news. “Also, what about her husband, huh? The Muggleborn bloke, who’s most likely the father of what would then be her Halfblood baby! Don’t think the elders would be too enthused.”

“He can come too, I don’t care what they say.” Regulus jutted his bottom lip out. “We’d be a proper family again, wouldn’t that be nice?”

Narcissa’s expression became wistful, and even Sirius seemed on the fence.

But the former-heir to the House of Black was nothing if not exceptionally stubborn. “I highly doubt Bellatrix would be keen on either of us coming back! Gonna off her too if she makes a stink about it?”

“Bellatrix can be reasoned with,” Regulus shrugged.

“Uh, since WHEN?! Are we talking about the same woman?” Sirius furiously shook his head. “Nope, nope, no more of this talk. You’re drunk, that’s all this is, and you’re starting to give me heart palpitations. I will not allow you to make me go gray so early on in my youth.”

The youngest Black ignored his sibling. “She can be reasoned with, you just don’t know what she wants.”

“But you do?” Narcissa chimed in dubiously.

He nodded. “Of course. All I would need to do is decree she does not need to wed or have her children unless she wanted to-”

“She’s already married, brother! You were at her wedding!!”

“And accept her wish to divorce her current husband, if she ever desired. Then, once I received agreements from everyone that she would never be required to babysit their current or future children -”

“Who would ever allow Bella near a kid, even if they were the ‘acceptable’ Pureblood spawn?”

“And she’d readily see my point of view,” Regulus finished. “I’m sure of it.”

James couldn’t help himself from pointing out, “You seem to have put a lot of thought into this.”

“I have anxiety, James.”

“Right…”

Regulus sighed. “That means I plan for any and all possible scenarios, regardless of how likely they are to occur. It makes me feel better.”

The older two Blacks shared exasperated looks, but they were interrupted by the return of Regulus’s friends.

“For you,” the blonde Ravenclaw said, handing Regulus a golden Jell-O shot, which he downed with an adorable noise of delight. Next came his refilled goblet. “It’s a Muggle drink called orange juice,” she explained when he stared distrustfully at the yellow beverage. “Not pumpkin juice, though you’re lucky I caught Barty’s oversight in time.”

Crouch breezily waved a hand in the air. “They look the same, how’s a bloke supposed to know?! But oi, can we return now, or is ze drama still afoot?”

“We’re Blacks, there’s always drama afoot,” Sirius said sagely, garnering nods from his cousin and brother. “Also, I meant to ask earlier, but why are you wearing my jacket?”

The Slytherin opened and closed his mouth several times, before shrugging. “Keeping it safe for Reg, until he’s done bein’ a slag.” He sighed. “Rooting for him, ‘course, but Potter’s an airhead, and Aiden likes ugly blokes, so he’s got his work cut out for him.”

Regulus giggled, “So true,” then raised a hand to cover his mouth.

“Oi! Which part is true?!” James cried at the same time as Sirius guffawed, “That he does, that he does!” His ‘best mate’ repeatedly smacked his thigh. “Airhead, oh, that’s brilliant.”

His boyfriend pressed a kiss to his cheek as an apology. “S’okay, the airhead act works because you’re cute.” Hmm, not much of an apology… at least he said ‘airhead act’.

“Making a mental note we need to get your eyes checked, brother,” Sirius snarked, sticking his tongue out at James.

He lightly tugged on a lock of his best mate’s hair. “I hope Crouch spills beer on your jacket.” Of course, being bullied by one Black wasn’t enough, so I had to go ahead and get myself another… sigh.

“Oi! No touching the hair, you know the rules, Potter. Or I’m gonna tell… wait, where did Remus go?”

Everyone scanned the room in search of their missing friend, except Crouch, who muttered, “The government has been stealing blokes for their secret experiments, I bet they got him too. Such a shame, he had a nice arse.”

“Experiments for what?” Sirius, their resident expert on conspiracy theories, demanded to know. “And stop staring at my b-… my best mate’s arse!” His eyes narrowed. “Or I’m gonna tell Evan your eyes are wandering.”

“Ooh,” Regulus and his Ravenclaw friend jeered, before breaking into conspiringly giggles.

Crouch gazed into the depths of his drink like it held all the answers to the world.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Remus snarled, dropping a coin purse in front of Sirius. It hit the wood with a heavy thud.

“Remus Lupin!” The drunk Slytherin pounded the werewolf on the back. “The ole chap douth return! How was your trip to space? Did they probe you?”

“Whelp, that’s our cue… and uh, ignore him, please, he’s in the throes of an existential crisis.” She dragged a drunken Crouch off, though this time, Narcissa remained. “Come find us later, Reg!”

“Make sure he drinks water!” Regulus called after her. “Like all the water!”

“Why’s everyone trying to give me money today?” Sirius griped under his breath. Louder, he asked, “What’s this for, Moonbeam? I don’t recognize it, all my money pouches are pretty.”

“You should, considering it’s your money, Sirius!”

Without taking his eyes off the bickering pair, Regulus reached for James’s hand.

“I don’t follow.”

“I commend you for your cunning, since it took me so long to work it out -”

“Would you sit down, Lupin?” Narcissa snapped before Sirius could say anything. “The way you’re towering over my cousin is beyond rude and wholly unnecessary.”

Remus begrudgingly lowered himself onto the floor, sitting opposite them. “I always found it curious how someone so smart was so dismal at poker.” Personally, James had always found that odd too, though he never put much thought into it. Sirius couldn’t be good at everything, even James had stuff he sucked at… like chess! “And yet anytime we played, you’d always bet an obnoxious amount of money.” He laughed bitterly. “I don’t know how I missed it, but I guess I never imagined you’d stoop so low.”

“What precisely are you accusing my brother of, Lupin?” Regulus demurely asked. He flinched when Remus scowled at him, but he didn’t back down. “Rigging games so you’d win money? He hates losing!”

“And he’s prideful,” Narcissa added.

“I’m sure that’s not what Moony is accusing Sirius -”

“That’s exactly what I am accusing him of, because it’s exactly what he did!” Remus shouted, and James shut his mouth with a snap. “But maybe now after having the reverse done to him by his brother -”

“I suck at poker,” Regulus interjected.

“... he’ll now understand why that’s a sh*tty thing to do!”

“It’s a sh*tty thing to want to look after you?” Sirius laughed darkly. “Well, forgive me for giving a damn, how bloody dare I, yeah?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You know I hate accepting charity from you and James, so instead of giving it to me outright, because you knew I’d refuse, you tricked me into it!”

“And you say I’m the prideful one!”

“You are! I don’t NEED you to take care of me, Sirius, what part of that don’t you get?!”

“Well, you need not worry about it anymore. As Regulus so charmingly pointed out, my money is no longer limitless.” Turning away from the werewolf, Sirius caught his cousin’s eye. “Wanna play something else? I'm bored of this.”

James hated that this all came to be revealed while they were drinking… because instead of dropping it, Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm. “Don’t turn your back on me, I am not through speaking with you!”

“Well, I’m done talking about it!” Sirius spat, wrenching his arm out of Remus's grip.

“I want you to explain to me why you thought your behavior was acceptable!”

“Why should I bother? It’s not like you’d believe me!”

Remus raised his chin challengingly. “Yeah? Try me.”

“You act like this was all some malicious plot I concocted solely to deceive you,” Sirius said, his eyes lowered to his lap.

“Wasn’t it?”

“Rem, let him explain,” James gently admonished, grateful when Remus nodded… albeit resentfully.

“I vividly remember the first time we played. You were sitting next to me wearing that new cologne I bought you for your birthday, and you smelled f*cking divine. I then proceeded to lose horrendously because I zoned out while Evans was telling us the rules. Anytime you come out on top in a competition, regardless of what it is or who all’s involved, you never boast or celebrate like everyone else would, because you’re always so respectful and aware of the feelings of the people around you. But it was obvious how pleased you were with yourself, and I loved seeing it.” Sirius smiled ruefully. “And when everyone was praising you or jokingly ragging on you for winning, you looked so shy, it was cute -”

“Spare me your flattery and flirtation, please, I’m not in the mood.”

A red flush crawled up Sirius’s neck, spreading quickly to the rest of his face - never a good sign. “My apologies, I forgot that my dashing good looks don’t work on you, how silly of me. Between that, and the way you resent me for trying to spend my family's money on you, I’m surprised you still hang around me!”

James, Regulus, and Narcissa stiffened at the words, even before they spotted Remus’s apoplectic expression. Sirius didn’t seem to realize what he implied, possibly because he was too busy trying to control his breathing.

“You think I’m only your friend because you’re, what… hot and rich?”

Sirius threw his hands in the air. “Clearly, you weren’t listening! I don’t know why you hang around me.”

Regulus crawled into his lap, and James draped his arms around him - he swallowed back a coo when his boyfriend readjusted so his head was resting on James’s chest, I’m gonna get to snuggle him all the time now, this is gonna be the best year ever… so long as Rem and Sirius get their sh*t together.

“But everyone else hangs around you because you’re hot and rich, is that it?!” Remus fumed.

The eldest Black brother grimaced. “I mean… yeah kinda.”

“Even James, who is also filthy rich, and to my knowledge, has never been wowed by your beauty like the general population of Hogwarts?”

Although he hated it when they dragged him into their quarrels, James couldn’t deny he was curious to hear his best mate answer.

“We’re both the same kind of weird, so it works.” Sirius held Remus’s gaze for longer than James would have been able to if their positions were reversed, but eventually, he wilted under the pressure. “... and he’s the quintessential Gryffindor heroic type, so he’s got a bit of a savior complex.”

“I do not, what the hell, Sirius!”

Sirius shrugged. “Sorry, mate, but you kinda do.” Even Remus nodded, the traitor!

“If Regulus and I weren’t together, now that you’re free from your parents, do you think I’d just stop hanging around you once you moved out of my house?” His best mate mumbled some halfhearted denials; what was more telling was how he wouldn’t look at James. “Bloody hell, you do, don’t you?!”

“You can’t be serious, cousin.” Narcissa frowned when Sirius didn’t take the opportunity to make his favorite joke.

“Oi, would you butt out of it?” Remus snapped. “None of this concerns you.”

Sirius’s head jerked up. “Do NOT speak to her that way.”

Remus crossed his arms over his chest. “Bold of you to think you can tell me what to do.”

“Lower your voice, Remus John Lupin, I know you’re upset with me, but unless you want to go up to our room -”

“I have no desire to be alone with you right now.”

“Then, I ask that you speak civilly to me -”

“WHY SHOULD I? YOU DON’T DO ANYONE ELSE THE SAME COURTESY!”

“MY BROTHER DOES NOT LIKE LOUD SOUNDS AND HE HATES WHEN PEOPLE YELL AT EACH OTHER, SO PUT A f*ckING CORK IN IT, OR NEXT TIME, I WON’T BE ASKING NICELY -”

A part of him wanted to point out the hypocrisy of Sirius shouting about such a topic, but at least from James’s observations, Regulus had never been overly bothered by his brother’s tendency to be on the loud side of the spectrum, so long as the noise wasn’t unexpected.

With a triumphant grin, Remus inclined his head towards Narcissa. His voice returned to its normal low, soothing timber. “I genuinely apologize for being rude, Narcissa, it was merely to prove a point.” Turning to look at Regulus, who was still curled in James’s lap, a frown formed on his face. “I’m sorry if I upset you, Regulus -”

“I’m not upset,” came the stubborn reply, and even Sirius huffed a laugh.

“You’re lucky there were too many witnesses around for me to draw my wand,” Narcissa hummed, taking a sip of her drink. “But forgive me, what exactly did you prove?”

“One of the many reasons I am friends with Sirius,” Remus declared. “His unwavering loyalty and fierce protectiveness of those he cares for,” he inclined his head towards the blonde, “including those he doesn’t always get along with.”

Sirius’s cheeks turned crimson once more, though this time, for an entirely different reason. “That’s sappy, Moons.”

Remus smiled timidly, and James nearly wept with relief. “I only wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

“And how do you see him?” Regulus asked, blinking innocently at his brother’s warning glare.

“You don’t have to answer that, Remus,” Sirius said.

“But maybe you should.” Not overly surprised by the action, James still hissed when Sirius pinched his side.

“I suppose I should.” Remus ran his hands through his hair while he thought of how to respond. “I don’t always like the ways you choose to express it, but there’s no denying you're an exceptionally clever and talented bloke. Perhaps I am overly prideful, because now that the initial anger has worn off, I think it’s safe to say I was mostly peeved because you successfully outmaneuvered me… for years. Everyone knows you’re funny, but I think people tend to overlook how incredibly quick-witted you are. You tease me for being a swot, and I find that ironic because you’re pretty swotty yourself.”

“Slander,” Sirius whispered, staring fixedly at Remus.

“Speaking of pretty, I do think you’re drop dead gorgeous, even when you’ve just woken up from a nap with your hair plastered to one side of your face, and there’s dried drool on the corner of your mouth -”

“Love does make you blind,” Regulus whispered to James. “Because that is not a pretty sight.”

“Er… no comment.”

He was mildly offended when Sirius pinched him again but left Regulus alone.

“I find it exceptionally attractive how devoted you are to being a good, responsible big brother for Regulus, and in the future, you’ll undoubtedly make a great father, and/or uncle. I think I have a good idea as to why you believe your only desirable qualities are your good looks and money, but they’re not Sirius, they’re not, you’re so much more than a pretty face. And if Regulus needs a helping hand in completing his plan once he’s of age, I would be happy to assist in any capacity required.”

“Any capacity?” Regulus repeated disbelievingly.

Remus nodded. “Any.”

“My parents are close friends with the best lawyer in Europe,” James whispered into his boyfriend’s ear, softly, so as not to ruin the moment. “You can count on me too, love.” Regulus squeezed his hand, but kept his eyes trained on his gobsmacked brother.

“You… you’d do THAT for me?”

“Of course, Sirius. They’re despicable people, and between their money, influence, and the disgusting lack of suitable laws to protect wizarding children, the justice system would never punish them.”

Brows furrowed together, Sirius looked like he was struggling to process the magnitude of what Remus just said - it was one thing for James (or anyone else) to offer to help eliminate his abusive parents from the world, but Remus, the boy who was so scared of being seen as a monster because of a condition he couldn’t control, a condition that was thrust upon him from an early age, a condition that should not define his life but did, to offer such a thing… it meant something, something significant.

Fiddling with his lip ring, a telltale sign of how nervous he was, Sirius murmured, “I’m sorry, I don’t know… I don’t know what to say -”

“You don’t need to -”

“‘Thank you’ feels inappropriate, given the context -”

Scrunching his nose up, Remus laughed, “It does, doesn’t it?”

“You’re much better with words than I am, we all know it, but… I’m just… I’m just so in love with you, Remus, sometimes I think I’m going to explode from it all.”

James winced when Regulus’s grip on his hand tightened to the point where it was almost unbearable.

“I understand entirely, because I’m absolutely mad about you too.”

It’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening!!!!!!

“Remus,” Sirius breathed.

“I know.” The werewolf held his hands out. “Come here, baby.”

James had to smother his squeal into Regulus’s hair, baby, ahhh!!!

Scrambling around the other side of the table, Sirius launched himself into the werewolf’s arms, knocking him onto his back.

“I love you, I love you, I love you!”

An exciting moment or not, it was still weird to see his best mates snogging each other senseless, guess I better get used to it. I highly doubt they’ll be reserved with their PDA. James wasn’t sure how drunk either of his friends were, but he patted his pocket, comforted by the feel of the potion vials he placed there at the beginning of the night.

“Regulus!” Narcissa hissed, but her cousin didn’t look up.

“He’s listening,” James responded for his boyfriend, having felt the vibration of Regulus’s ‘hm?’ against his chest - there was no way she could have heard it over the pounding music.

“You swore you’d tell me when they got together!! Are you keeping secrets from me now, little cousin?”

The Gryffindor looked between the three Backs in confusion. “You saw them get together, just now.”

How nice to know Regulus’s ‘You’re-as-Smart-as-a-Dead-Flobberworm’ expression was probably genetic. “That is NOT a ‘first kiss’ between two people who’ve just gotten together.”

… no, she couldn’t be right, could she? They’d probably just dreamed about snogging the other so often that it was instinctual at this point. Because if she was right, then why would they have hidden it from James? And Regulus?! Unless…

James suddenly registered the dampness on his shirt. Looking down, he realized the wet spot happened to be around exactly where Regulus’s face was. “Darling, are you alright?”

“I-ignore me!” Regulus cried, literally, f*ck he’s so cute. “I’m just… just uh, relieved.”

“Little star, it’s not a crime to say you’re happy, you know,” Sirius laughed, his arms and legs wrapped snugly around Remus, who’d managed to sit up.

“My reputation!”

Their group startled when someone cleared their throat.

“Sorry to interrupt, sir!” Paddington chirped, looking wholly unperturbed by the position he’s found his ‘boss’ in. “But there’s thirty minutes until midnight! You must prepare for your speech.”

“You’ve been indispensable tonight, Luca.” Standing up, Sirius offered his hand to Remus. “You’ve made us both very proud.”

Oh goodness, they’re already acting like a married couple, even worse than before… James discreetly wiped away his own tears.

Paddington bowed low. “Thank you for trusting me with this, sir. It’s been an honor.”

Chapter 9: The Speech

Chapter Text

The Black brothers returned to the dorm to ‘freshen up’ (aka Sirius forcefully dragged his brother upstairs because, ‘We’re not starting the new year off with smudged make-up, Reggie, have some self-respect’). James and Regulus shared a pointed look before the Slytherin was shepherded away; the party didn’t stop at midnight, but they’d really need to keep an eye on the pair now, lest Sirius find a way to self-sabotage himself, I hate to think the worst, but an intoxicated Sirius is even more chaotic than usual… not that he seems all that drunk, but still. Remus opted to follow the brothers, likely to avoid James grilling him about what comes next after their confession, though of course he played it off as needing to ‘keep Padfoot on task’.

Ten minutes later, a harried Remus returned alone.

James waved goodbye to the Prewett twins, who’d kept him company while he waited for the return of his other friends… and so they could squeal about Remus/Sirius in hushed tones.

“Regulus is trying to convince his brother that now is not the time for an outfit change,” the werewolf said with a fond eye roll.

James sighed. “Does he need help?”

“I doubt it… now, where were we?” Keeping to his theme of popping up out of nowhere, Paddington appeared at Remus’s elbow. “Ah, yes, perfect, thank you, Luca.” Remus took the proffered microphone with a grin. “And the champagne?”

“The lads are handing the flutes out to everyone now,” Paddington answered loftily. “And Jackson’s sister charmed them so nobody should be able to drink until the toast at midnight.”

Remus tapped his wand against the wood of the table they’d commandeered throughout the night. “Very clever of her, and it will surely save the others from the headache of having to refill everyone’s glasses multiple times in a short span of time.”

“An Unbreakable Charm” James explained, noticing the younger boy’s confused look.

“We don’t need a repeat of what happened at the last party now, do we?” Remus chuckled.

The second-year scowled at the memory. “One would think the Board of Governors would insist on unbreakable furniture in a school filled with magical children.”

“Mmm,” Remus caught James’s eye and winked, “yes, they should have anticipated a table being reduced to splinters because two wizards who were old enough to know better decided to rough-house in the Common Room.”

“I swear that table was not there when we started messing around,” James sniffed.

“Right you are, Jamie-boy!” Sirius laughed, smacking him firmly on the arse as he passed by. “Definitely wasn’t our fault, not at all.”

A grin James was sure looked dopey formed on his face when Regulus immediately curled around him. “How’d it go, love? I see you managed to convince your brother to stay in the same outfit, so that’s something.”

“He refused to talk about anything meaningful,” Regulus murmured, side-eyeing his brother, who was already deep in conversation with Remus. “I think he only refused to change to get away from me.”

Taking two champagne flutes from Jackson’s tray when he came by, James hummed in agreement. “Your cousin got me thinking -”

“Tell me after,” Regulus whispered; Remus was helping Sirius onto the table, not that he needs any help, poor Moony is such a sucker… granted, sometimes Padfoot has the balance of a newborn deer, so maybe he’s got the right idea.

“Alright everyone, it’s almost midnight… oi, listen up!” Unable to gain the attention of their drunken peers, the eldest Black brother turned to James with a pout. “Captain Potter, would you be so kind?”

“Cover your ears, Reg.”

Waiting until he was sure Regulus had done so, James placed two fingers in his mouth and let out a sharp, earsplitting whistle. The noise level immediately dropped to zero. “OI, WANKERS AND WANKETTES, LISTEN UP… THE BEAUTIFUL BLOKE WHO ORGANIZED THIS WHOLE THING HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!”

Rubbing at his ear, Sirius grumbled, “They’re not going to be able to hear my speech if you make everyone deaf, Prongs.” Louder, he said, “Has everyone been having a lovely time so far?” A boisterous cheer rose up from the crowd, sweet Merlin, at least three-fourths of the student body is packed in here!

“Why doesn’t my brother just use a Sonorous Charm?”

“Dramatic effect,” James shrugged.

“Good, good, I’m glad to hear it. For those of you who have been to a party in Gryffindor, you know that I, Sirius Black, never miss an opportunity to make a speech.” His jovial demeanor suddenly became somber. “But looking out at the faces of the crowd tonight, a good portion of you wouldn’t know that, because how could you? Prior to this evening, the guest list for our parties had always been exclusively Gryffindors, though of course, we’d have the occasional interloper brought in by a friend or family member.”

“Snobs!” Crouch called, which earned him a good number of angry looks until he broke into drunken giggles. “Ah, Merlin, your faces were priceless… sorry, Supreme Overlord, do continue.”

With a laugh, Sirius flicked the Slytherin off. “Now, I like to think I’m a fairly popular bloke, but in the six years I’ve been at Hogwarts, I’ve been invited to two non-Gryffindor parties. So, unless the house of lions are the only ones in this castle who like to party,” there was an uproar of lighthearted booing at that, “we aren’t alone in keeping ourselves isolated.” He paused, and James held his breath, feeling the tension in the room rising. “And I think that’s f*cked up.”

There was some confused muttering, along with a surprising amount of earnest or thoughtful nods. “Forgive me for being sappy, but tonight has been one of the best nights of my life. And sure, some of that joy has come from my own housemates, but most has come from interacting with folks in other houses.” His eyes narrowed. “All three other houses, mind you, and not just my own Slytherin brother.”

“Most parties are centered around Quidditch games… either wins or losses,” an older Ravenclaw girl called from the back of the room. “Not saying that it’s right to be house-exclusive, but it kind of makes sense.”

“A very good point, my dear, Penelope!” Sirius beamed. “So, here’s my proposition going into the New Year. Each house appoints a small committee, however they decide to do it… maybe three to five people total? And the committee members chosen from each house gather with the others to plan an inter-house party once or twice a month, where we rotate which house is hosting. Might not be a bad idea to plan it with the Quidditch games in mind -”

“What if the hosting house loses the match that day?” a reedy Hufflepuff boy asked.

“Who cares?” Remus held his hands up placatingly when his words induced outraged murmurs. “I dunno how they do it in your house, but Gryffindors party, win or lose.”

“Just some food for thought, my friends, the details can be worked out later. Moving on… before the clock strikes midnight, I want to give a few shout outs to those who made tonight possible. First and foremost, a special thanks to my partner in crime, the bloke who was with me for nearly every aspect of planning this event, including funding and acquiring the alcohol stash you lush louts are sipping on.” Sirius waved him closer. “James Potter, ladies and gentleman!”

Raucous applause filled the room. Unwrapping himself from Regulus, James bowed several times, but politely refused to join his best mate on the table. Sirius’s attempts at passing him the microphone would have also failed, if Remus hadn’t appeared directly behind him, blocking his path back to Regulus.

“Just a few words, Prongsie, that’s all. Come stand with me.”

Stubbornly smacking his friend’s hands away, James huffed, “I’m taller than you, I don’t need to stand on the table to be seen.” He instinctively danced away from Sirius’s kick. “Hi, hi, hello. I’m glad everyone’s having a fantastic time so far. Full disclosure, I would have thrown myself off the Astronomy Tower if all my pain and suffering over the last week as Sirius’s right hand man had been for naught.”

“Oi! I’m a delight.”

“Heh, just joking, mate, I had a blast.” Several people chuckled at the exchange. “Let’s see… oh, a reminder that when you’re looking for a bird or bloke to snog at midnight, if you come anywhere near my boyfriend, Regulus Black,” ignoring the shocked gasps that rang out, along with Sirius’s embarrassed groan, James pointed to the younger Slytherin, “I don’t care how many Prefects are here, I’ll be hexing you well into the next decade. Okay, that’s all, have a great rest of your night!”

Handing the microphone to Remus, James felt his breath hitch at the sight of his ethereal boyfriend already reaching for him. Knowing everyone would be watching, he swept Regulus into a low dip.

“Hope you don’t mind, love,” James purred, though his eyes scanned the Slytherin’s face for any sign of discomfort.

“Guess we better give them a good show, huh?”

Not needing to be told twice, James connected their lips in a passionate kiss.

“Well, that’s just indecent!” Sirius grumbled, the words barely heard over the wild cheering and catcalls from the student body. “Okay, okay, moving on, we’re running low on time.” James righted Regulus onto his feet - he knew better than to piss his best mate off during a moment like this. “Congrats, by the way, I guess.” He winked at the new couple. “Anyways, I’d also like to thank my favorite Ravenclaw, Pandora, and my Slytherin partner-in-chaos, Barty, for their endless patience and tireless determination in ensuring tonight’s festivities went off without a hitch… methinks ten points to each are in order.”

“Does he have that power?” someone in the crowd muttered, and Sirius looked pointedly at Remus. The Prefect sighed and reluctantly rewarded the points.

“We love you, man!” Crouch shouted, raising his champagne flute in the air… next to him, Pandora, oh, I should probably remember that, patted her friend’s shoulder. “Second favorite Black, for sure!”

“My friends helped?” Regulus softly asked, sounding like he was talking to himself. “With what?”

James answered anyways. “You get the feeling we’re missing something?”

Sirius’s next words further amplified that feeling. “Aiden Pucey, where ya at, mate?”

Shame swelled within James when a timid hand rose in the air, not far from where Regulus’s friends were standing. “Fifteen points to you, good sir! I know you got much more than you bargained for tonight, but your services are noted and appreciated... oh, and I assure you, Captain Potter will be issuing a groveling apology to you in the coming days, as well as my dearest lieutenant -”

“Already done, sir!” Paddington pronounced. “Explained everything, too.”

“We’re all good, mate,” Aiden added. “No harm done, no apology needed.”

Sirius and Remus both glared at James. “You’ll be getting one, regardless.” The Gryffindor Quidditch Captain nodded vigorously, yep, definitely need to smooth that over, f*ck.

“Excellent, excellent. Which brings me to my last point… can I have a big round of applause for the Gryffindor second-years and the bloody fantastic job they did serving provisions?” The cheering became thunderous - there was nothing intoxicated people loved more than those who provided them with food and drink. “Alright lads, come up here for a moment.” Sirius jumped down, then helped the four younger boys onto the table. “Now, I had a feeling you all would excel tonight, and as such, I went ahead and got you a little thank you gift, something a bit more punk rock than house points.”

Remus removed an item from his pocket; with a tap of his wand, a jacket grew to normal size… but not just any jacket.

It was a leather motorcycle jacket.

“Oh Merlin," Regulus sighed. "He’s guaranteed their lifetime, devout loyalty with that.”

“Do I need to get my glasses, or…”

“Nope, unless I’m going blind, too. Those are definitely leather jackets, with monogrammed letters on the back, I’m assuming initials… oh, oh look, Sirius also has one that matches. Lovely.”

“That’s actually really sweet,” James said, his heart squeezing at the second years' adoring looks, he’s such a secret softie, Rem was right… Siri’s gonna make a great dad one day.

“I’d like to give an extra special nod to Luca Paddington, who has been my most trusted and committed assistant from the very beginning of planning this party. Tonight, he has gone above and beyond the call of duty, and without his determination and dedication, this evening very likely would have been a bust." James exchanged a bewildered look with Regulus... that seemed a bit extreme, even for Sirius. "Oh pumpkin, no tears.”

“S-sorry, sir, they’re happy ones, I swear.”

There was a collective ‘awww ’ when the two embraced.

Peeling away from the crowd, Narcissa approached her cousin.

“Er… and now a quick word from our Head Girl, Narcissa Black.”

With a look of confusion, Sirius handed her the microphone.

“Thank you, Sirius. First, some quick house-keeping bits.” She snickered at her own joke. “I would like to remind everyone that while it is a holiday, we’re still at Hogwarts. Please keep the merriment within this Common Room and exercise caution as you’re making your way back to your dorms. There are more teachers in the castle than usual during this time of year, and I’m sure they would be disheartened to issue detentions for misbehavior.”

“Yes, thank -”

She swatted Sirius’s hand. “I’m not done, go away. I also have some personal news to share.” Sirius and Regulus exchanged a 'what the f*ck' glance. “It is with a mixture of sorrow and overwhelming joy that I find myself entering the new year as a single woman -”

“I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!” one of the Prewett twins screeched, shoving his way through the crowd. He dropped to his knees in front of her.

Per usual, his twin wasn’t far behind. “PICK ME, I’M BETTER LOOKING!”

“Why choose?” Adeline Pucey shouted. “It’s ‘bout to be 1977, she should get to have both.”

“Give her both!” someone else loudly agreed, which quickly became a chant.

“Oh, she’s drunk,” Regulus gasped when his cousin blew the Gryffindor girl a kiss.

The Prewett twins looked at each other, then nodded eagerly.

“Fantastic idea, darling, cheers.” Narcissa beckoned Sirius towards her. “Alright alright, settle down. Because last but not least, since our host of the evening is much to humble to brag -”

Remus snorted. “Think you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“I guess I’m gonna have to brag for him. Sirius, I don’t know what exactly made you decide bringing all four houses together was a good idea, especially when alcohol was involved, but I think everyone can agree, you’ve outdone yourself tonight.”

“Aw, shucks, ‘twas nothing,” Sirius said, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“It wasn’t nothing. You’ve accomplished something no one else at Hogwarts has done, at least not in recent memory.”

“Careful, Cissa, people might think you actually like me.”

“Oh, I can’t stand you.” Sirius’s face fell at her nonchalant words, and Regulus shifted uneasily in James’s arms. “But that doesn’t stop me from loving you and being proud of your triumphs.” Turning back to the crowd, she cheered, “Let’s have a round of applause for my little cousin - Sirius Black!”

The noise was deafening.

Normally, Sirius loved being the center-of-attention and would eat up the praise of their peers. But tonight, the cheering was led by someone he’d had a rocky relationship with for years, probably his entire life, somehow who technically shouldn’t even be acknowledging his existence after he was disowned over the summer... and not only was his cousin acknowledging him, but she was doing so publicly, in front of the majority of the school. Like Remus's offer to help Regulus, this too meant something.

“I hate them,” Regulus sniffled, blinking back tears, tears that ended up falling when their cousin pulled Sirius into a tight embrace.

Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, James nudged his boyfriend towards the pair. “Join them, love.”

He watched fondly as the two older Blacks fussed and fawned over the youngest, until Paddington tugged on his sleeve.

“Two minutes til midnight, Captain!”

“Right, got it, thanks, Luca.”

James held his hand out for the microphone, but Remus shooed him away.

“Well, that’s a bit hard to follow," the werewolf said, "but I’ll do my best. For me, this past year has been filled with so many ups and downs, more so than previous ones. But being here tonight, spending the last of this current year and the first part of the new year with people from all four houses, the students of Hogwarts, for once, undivided by our frankly insignificant differences, it gives me hope. And hope can be a dangerous thing -”

“Especially your mum, Hope!"

Remus laughed. “My Pa would agree with you there, mate. But hope is also beautiful. The start of a new year… will it be a new chapter, new verse, or is it going to be the same old story? Ultimately we write it, so the choice is ours. It is my hope that tonight is only the beginning for all of us, the beginning of something more, something better. Because we deserve it.” He raised his champagne flute above his head, and the other students followed suit. “So, as the seconds tick down, as the last minute of 1976 is upon us, I raise my glass to us, to all of us. I hope 1977 brings new friendships and new love. I hope the friendships and love we already have grow stronger, more beautiful. I hope we achieve our goals, no matter how trivial or small, and I hope we remember that if we choose to write a different story, a better story, if we choose to stand together rather than apart, we’re a goddamned force to be reckoned with. Here’s to 1977 being the best f*cking year yet!”

“Ow, owwww!” Sirius catcalled. “That’s my boyfriend bitches!”

"I'll give Luca the honor of leading the countdown."

"Ten... nine... eight -"

Regulus separated from his family members and rushed back to James's side.

"Seven... six... five -"

Deciding to prioritize proper communication in the new year, James nervously asked, "You'll be my midnight kiss right?"

"Four -"

"I would kill anyone who tried to stop me."

"Three -"

"So murderous," James smirked, pressing a kiss to Regulus's temple.

"Two -"

Regulus giggled. "You like it though." He raised his glass. "To the new year."

"One!"

"And to us," James whispered, clinking their glasses together.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" everyone cried.

Each taking a sip of their champagne, Regulus and James were wholly unprepared for what happened next...

Still holding the microphone when Sirius pulled him in for a kiss, Remus words echoed throughout the Common Room.

“Happy seven months, my love.”

Hopefully the toast still 'counted', even if we did end up spitting most of it onto each other.